Stress is NOT having stiff shoulders and stiff necks.
Stress is NOT having no appetite and feeling a little nauseous.
Stress is NOT being unable to sleep soundly.
Stress is NOT feeling the blues.
Stress is when you wake up on a saturday morning, read the clock that says "10:03am" and jump out of bed thinking "SHIT! I OVERSLEPT FOR MY 10am PAPER!!!", then realise its actually still 2 days away.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Spiritual Mathematics
Just something that popped into my head today as I was staring at my graphs on Binomial Distribution.
At the back of my head was the bible study discussion for tonight during Life Group, on Hebrews chapter 2. The basic gist was again the reminder to not drift. “Don’t drift!” would have been my catch phrase for the night, had I been leading it. (Thank God Weifeng agreed to take the session. No way would I have had the time to prepare it. As it turned out, I really dodged a bullet. Grins.)
And so there I was, with the graph staring at me, trying to make sense of the MEAN, and the STANDARD DEVIATION, and it suddenly struck me… that’s what our spiritual lives are like! God has given us the Word, which lays down for us what He expects of us. Hebrews 12:14 says “Without holiness, no one can see God.” So, assuming that the Holiness that God expects of us is the MEAN. All of us will fall short of it, veering off to either side of the mark. The question is, how many STANDARD DEVIATIONS are we away from the standard that God has for us?
Some of us fall into the left side, choosing to indulge in our sinful depravity, whilst others fall into the other side, “playing church” and having the “form, but not the power”. Whichever way it is, in some sense that’s what we all are like, isn’t it? We all have our own “standard deviations” away from the MEAN – which is what we’re slowly being called towards – and very often that STANDARD DEVIATION only increases over the years.
Made me think of a very old song, by Hillsongs, called “Believe”. Back then, it struck me how cute the lyrics was, “I say on Sunday, how much I want revival. Then on Monday, I can’t even find my bible.” Almost 10 years on, its not that funny anymore to realize that there’s a part of me that still hasn’t changed. I’m still feeling the exact things that the rest of the song goes on to talk about. And if it had been a new song that just came out yesterday, I’d be raving about “this awesome song that totally describes how I feel…”
So, yes… once more its back to basics.
Lord, I believe in You. I believe in the power of Your Word and its Truth. I believe in You. So I lay down my cause, that my cross might be found in You.
At the back of my head was the bible study discussion for tonight during Life Group, on Hebrews chapter 2. The basic gist was again the reminder to not drift. “Don’t drift!” would have been my catch phrase for the night, had I been leading it. (Thank God Weifeng agreed to take the session. No way would I have had the time to prepare it. As it turned out, I really dodged a bullet. Grins.)
And so there I was, with the graph staring at me, trying to make sense of the MEAN, and the STANDARD DEVIATION, and it suddenly struck me… that’s what our spiritual lives are like! God has given us the Word, which lays down for us what He expects of us. Hebrews 12:14 says “Without holiness, no one can see God.” So, assuming that the Holiness that God expects of us is the MEAN. All of us will fall short of it, veering off to either side of the mark. The question is, how many STANDARD DEVIATIONS are we away from the standard that God has for us?
Some of us fall into the left side, choosing to indulge in our sinful depravity, whilst others fall into the other side, “playing church” and having the “form, but not the power”. Whichever way it is, in some sense that’s what we all are like, isn’t it? We all have our own “standard deviations” away from the MEAN – which is what we’re slowly being called towards – and very often that STANDARD DEVIATION only increases over the years.
Made me think of a very old song, by Hillsongs, called “Believe”. Back then, it struck me how cute the lyrics was, “I say on Sunday, how much I want revival. Then on Monday, I can’t even find my bible.” Almost 10 years on, its not that funny anymore to realize that there’s a part of me that still hasn’t changed. I’m still feeling the exact things that the rest of the song goes on to talk about. And if it had been a new song that just came out yesterday, I’d be raving about “this awesome song that totally describes how I feel…”
So, yes… once more its back to basics.
Lord, I believe in You. I believe in the power of Your Word and its Truth. I believe in You. So I lay down my cause, that my cross might be found in You.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Paul Scholes Tribute
ALEX FERGUSON took real flak for the team he picked. A bunch of unknown kids in an important cup game. No, we are not talking about Sunday’s FA Cup semi-final.
The date was September 21, 1994 when a certain Paul Scholes lined up alongside the likes of Gary Neville, Nicky Butt and David Beckham for his debut.
He would score twice as Manchester United won 2-1 at Port Vale in the Coca-Cola Cup second round.
Questions were asked in Parliament about Fergie belittling the competition with the team he picked. Soon, though, nobody argued with those four playing.
Fast forward 15 years and Scholes will make his 600th appearance for the Red Devils in tonight’s Prem game against Portsmouth at Old Trafford.
One of the greatest but most unassuming figures to play the game, the 34-year-old continues to turn it on.
There can be no higher praise than that coming from United legend Sir Bobby Charlton, who places Scholes as his all-time favourite player.
Sir Bobby said: “Many great players have worn the shirt of Manchester United. Players I worshipped, then lost with my youth in Munich.
“Players like Denis Law and George Best who I enjoyed so much as team-mates and now, finally, players I have watched closely in the Ferguson era.
“And in so many ways Scholes is my favourite. I love his nous and conviction that he’ll find a way to win, to make the killer pass or produce a decisive volley.
“When a game reaches a vital phase, these qualities seem to come out of his every pore. He’s always on the ball. He’s always looking to bring other people into the action and if he loses possession you think he must be ill.”
Boss Fergie said: “His contribution and his quality and some of the fantastic goals he has scored have been great.
“Even on Sunday in the FA Cup semi-final when he came on, his first touch of the ball was better than anybody else on the park had done for the whole previous hour.
“He has that wonderful velvet touch on the ball. Amid the mayhem that can happen in a game it is wonderful to see.
“To reach 600 games is fantastic, considering he has had three or four long injuries in that career. He has had two knee operations and his eye problem a couple of years ago. He has probably missed more than a year of football so that would have put him nearer 700.”
Scholes is fourth in the all-time United list for appearances behind only Bill Foulkes (688), Sir Bobby (758) and, at the top, Ryan Giggs (798).
Scholes has hit 142 goals for United and is one of the best volleyers and long-range shooters the game has seen.
He has always been a one-club man. The Salford-born player joined United when he was 14 and has been there ever since.
Ferguson said: “Funnily enough, we have never had one enquiry for Paul and you know why? Because they all know. They all know he would never leave. That said, he could have played in any league in Europe. No problem.”
Tonight Scholes will no doubt wonder what all the fuss is about. A devoted family man who loves playing football, yet hates being a modern footballer.
The midfielder said: “Part of me will be glad to finish.
“I can’t say I can’t wait to finish but I’m looking forward to finishing and everything that goes with it.
“The only thing I will definitely miss is the football. The general life of a footballer I will not miss at all.
“People are just very invasive aren’t they? They are always wanting to know what you have been doing and what you’re going to do.
“I’m sure I’ll go to watch United. My lad Owen is absolutely mad on Man United. But that’ll be as far as it goes.” Scholes has given himself one more season after this before he finally hangs up his boots. He will not go overboard about the medals he has won but the one he treasures most is last season’s Champions League gong.
Scholes, like Roy Keane, missed the 1999 final through suspension. He was awarded a medal but it never meant anything to him.
He said: “I don’t view myself as a double Champions League winner.
“You’ve got to play in the final for it to count. So it meant everything to win it. It was a great night.”
Scholes earned 66 England caps, scoring 14 goals and retired from internationals after Euro 2004.
He said: “I am lucky in that I’ve had everything I need. I’m at Manchester United. What more do I need?”
*************************************************************************************
Scholes has been hailed by some of soccer’s greatest names over the years.
ZINEDINE ZIDANE: “My toughest opponent? Scholes of Manchester. He is the complete midfielder. Scholes is undoubtedly the greatest of his generation.”
EDGAR DAVIDS: “I’m not the best, Paul Scholes is. We can all learn from Paul Scholes.”
MARCELLO LIPPI: “Paul Scholes would have been one of my first choices for putting together a great team — that is how highly I have always rated him.
“An all-round midfielder with quality and character in abundance.”
LAURENT BLANC: “I tell anyone who asks me — Scholes is the best English player.”
THIERRY HENRY: “Without any doubt the best player in the Premiership has to be Paul Scholes.
“He knows how to do everything, and he is the one who directs the way his team plays. On top of all that, he has indestructible mental strength, and he is a genuine competitor.”
PETER SCHMEICHEL: “His reading of the game is unsurpassed. He has the best eye for a pass, for what the play or the game needs at that precise moment, that I have never seen anyone else have.
“He controls and distributes the play and the game better than anyone I have ever seen.”
Sunday, April 19, 2009
How Do I Say...
Communication is hard. It should be distinguished from "getting through to people".
When you're merely communicating, you're doing no more than relaying an idea, without any consideration wih regards to consequences. To get through to a person requires hard work, wisdom, creativity, patience and a whole lot of love.
Allow me to elaborate.
A good preacher doesn't speak on the pulpit like he's reading off a Bible commentary. A Bible commentary is a tool that merely communicates either a truth, or an opinion, or a fact. A preacher needs to get through to his audience. Thus, he needs to take into account a lot of other factors - context of the audience, culture of the place, maturity of the listeners, and also sensitivity to the general mood at large, just to name a few. If you are one of those loud-mouthed speakers who believe that as long as you're preaching from the Bible, then God is surely behind you - you usually end up communicating your point across, but leaving everyone angry, offended and altogether worse off than before you had spoken. In other words, you failed to get through to your audience. A well-crafted message that puts in the due process of figuring out what's the best way to get your point through is ultimately what needs to be done, in order to build people up and be constructive.
But getting through to people is pretty much a lost art, isn't it? Parents, siblings, friends, boyfriends/girlfriends, casual friends, colleagues, brothers and sisters in church... etc, we're all so good at communicating, but suck at getting through to each other. We think that as long as what we say is right, then we've done nothing wrong, and said nothing wrong.
"I'm not nagging, I'm just suggesting/reminding".
"I'm not judging you, but I'm just stating a fact."
"I'm not being negative here, but I'm just showing you what the reality of the situation is."
"I didn't do anything wrong. He deserved to be scolded. Just look at what he did!"
"I know you think you've tried. But you need to try more. You're just aiming too low. I mean, what have you really managed to get done?"
"What's wrong with you? Why are you getting upset? I'm only saying this for your own good. I won't be telling you all this if I didn't care about you."
"Stop being so defensive, and listen to what I have to say. You're in this mess now because you never did listen to what I said."
Those are just a few of the many examples of things we've heard someone say to us, or we've said to some other victim before. Maybe those things are partially true. Heck, maybe they're ABSOLUTELY 100% true. And if your intention is to communicate your point, then you've done so faultlessly. But if you were trying to get through to that person and really help that person, then you've failed 100% to do so.
And the trickiest thing about this is that its one of the fastest ways to destroy any relationship. Kids hate their parents and stop talking to them because of it. Couples quarrel cos they cannot stand being picked on. Friendships are broken because one person cannot take the criticism and chooses to withdraw. And churches are divided because everyone is more interested in being right, rather than righteous before God.
My advice? Stop being the moral compass to the people around you. If they do something wrong, there's no need to criticize. Chances are, many have already done so. In fact, chances are that the person ALREADY knows. Instead, just be a friend still, and spend more time being encouraging when he/she does something right. (In fact, if you're by default encouraging, your lack of encouragement at certain times will speak louder than if you voiced your disagreements.) These things help strengthen the friendship and community, which in due process allows the person "at fault" to feel safe enough to approach you with their problem. And ONLY when a person comes to you on his own terms, is he ready to discuss his "problem".
Oherwise, you'll never be getting through to that person.
When you're merely communicating, you're doing no more than relaying an idea, without any consideration wih regards to consequences. To get through to a person requires hard work, wisdom, creativity, patience and a whole lot of love.
Allow me to elaborate.
A good preacher doesn't speak on the pulpit like he's reading off a Bible commentary. A Bible commentary is a tool that merely communicates either a truth, or an opinion, or a fact. A preacher needs to get through to his audience. Thus, he needs to take into account a lot of other factors - context of the audience, culture of the place, maturity of the listeners, and also sensitivity to the general mood at large, just to name a few. If you are one of those loud-mouthed speakers who believe that as long as you're preaching from the Bible, then God is surely behind you - you usually end up communicating your point across, but leaving everyone angry, offended and altogether worse off than before you had spoken. In other words, you failed to get through to your audience. A well-crafted message that puts in the due process of figuring out what's the best way to get your point through is ultimately what needs to be done, in order to build people up and be constructive.
But getting through to people is pretty much a lost art, isn't it? Parents, siblings, friends, boyfriends/girlfriends, casual friends, colleagues, brothers and sisters in church... etc, we're all so good at communicating, but suck at getting through to each other. We think that as long as what we say is right, then we've done nothing wrong, and said nothing wrong.
"I'm not nagging, I'm just suggesting/reminding".
"I'm not judging you, but I'm just stating a fact."
"I'm not being negative here, but I'm just showing you what the reality of the situation is."
"I didn't do anything wrong. He deserved to be scolded. Just look at what he did!"
"I know you think you've tried. But you need to try more. You're just aiming too low. I mean, what have you really managed to get done?"
"What's wrong with you? Why are you getting upset? I'm only saying this for your own good. I won't be telling you all this if I didn't care about you."
"Stop being so defensive, and listen to what I have to say. You're in this mess now because you never did listen to what I said."
Those are just a few of the many examples of things we've heard someone say to us, or we've said to some other victim before. Maybe those things are partially true. Heck, maybe they're ABSOLUTELY 100% true. And if your intention is to communicate your point, then you've done so faultlessly. But if you were trying to get through to that person and really help that person, then you've failed 100% to do so.
And the trickiest thing about this is that its one of the fastest ways to destroy any relationship. Kids hate their parents and stop talking to them because of it. Couples quarrel cos they cannot stand being picked on. Friendships are broken because one person cannot take the criticism and chooses to withdraw. And churches are divided because everyone is more interested in being right, rather than righteous before God.
My advice? Stop being the moral compass to the people around you. If they do something wrong, there's no need to criticize. Chances are, many have already done so. In fact, chances are that the person ALREADY knows. Instead, just be a friend still, and spend more time being encouraging when he/she does something right. (In fact, if you're by default encouraging, your lack of encouragement at certain times will speak louder than if you voiced your disagreements.) These things help strengthen the friendship and community, which in due process allows the person "at fault" to feel safe enough to approach you with their problem. And ONLY when a person comes to you on his own terms, is he ready to discuss his "problem".
Oherwise, you'll never be getting through to that person.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Congeniality
Was reading a book by Michael Card, and one thing he quoted stuck with me. He was mentioning that the new evangelical challenge is not geographical distance, but cultural distance. And I guess he could not have been more succinct that that.
We keep talking about this world being a global village, and how technology is bringing everyone closer together – planes fly faster, and we’ve progressed from emails to Facebook and now Twitter… Blackberries enable us to be reachable even in unmentionable places…
So am I the only one who feels people are drawing further and further away from each other?
Evagelism aside… even being friends is getting harder. At 30 yrs old, it really is getting harder and harder to make and keep friends, isn’t it? At 16, there weren’t much differences that mattered enough to divide you from the mob, and so everyone’s your best friend and worth dying for.
Slowly, as idealogical differences become more entrenched in ourselves, we find it harder to accept why some of our friends could actually believe what they do. We get offended, we find it awkward to express our disagreements, and many times the way we disagree quickly becomes a sore spot that evntually turns into a wall. Friends who achieve much more than you becomes either iritating or intimidating, subconsciously driving you away from them, unfairly leaving them more stranded and perhaps even angry.
If the church is God’s tool for changing the world and improving it, maybe it needs to spend more time emphasizing Community rather than Commission. I know that there are those who will burn me at the stake for saying this… but we really should take some time to think about what we’re inviting non-believers into when invite them to church.
I’m not talking about core doctrinal truths that need to be adhered to, of course. If Jesus says He’s the ONLY way, we should definitely stand up and give an apologia whenever someone says something to the contrary. BUT, do we really need to do so with all that vindictiveness that we often show? Are we able to recognize that salvation is something fundamentally important to us, but still be gracious in offering our beliefs in the face of opposition? Many times our Christian persecution in a culture like Singapore comes not in the form of physical persecution, but emotional rejection and derision.
“I’ve had the gospel preached to me before. And because of that person, I’m definitely not interested in hearing about the gospel anymore.” I’ve heard this statement way too often already. Many times, this occurs not because we’re zealous for the gospel, but because we’re zealous for OUR POINT to be accepted.
I really like what our church is doing for Billy right now. No overtly over-the-top attempts at sharing the gospel. Just lots of concern and prayer. That’s what church should be like! "Don’t like what we have to say? Fine – then judge us by what we do, and let us know if you like what you see." When we are imitators of Christ in this world – which is to say, when we lift Him up – He will draw all men to Himself.
Try it for yourself. Its awesome to watch Him in action.
Don’t think it works? Hey, Billy’s wife accepted Christ!
Eat that!
We keep talking about this world being a global village, and how technology is bringing everyone closer together – planes fly faster, and we’ve progressed from emails to Facebook and now Twitter… Blackberries enable us to be reachable even in unmentionable places…
So am I the only one who feels people are drawing further and further away from each other?
Evagelism aside… even being friends is getting harder. At 30 yrs old, it really is getting harder and harder to make and keep friends, isn’t it? At 16, there weren’t much differences that mattered enough to divide you from the mob, and so everyone’s your best friend and worth dying for.
Slowly, as idealogical differences become more entrenched in ourselves, we find it harder to accept why some of our friends could actually believe what they do. We get offended, we find it awkward to express our disagreements, and many times the way we disagree quickly becomes a sore spot that evntually turns into a wall. Friends who achieve much more than you becomes either iritating or intimidating, subconsciously driving you away from them, unfairly leaving them more stranded and perhaps even angry.
If the church is God’s tool for changing the world and improving it, maybe it needs to spend more time emphasizing Community rather than Commission. I know that there are those who will burn me at the stake for saying this… but we really should take some time to think about what we’re inviting non-believers into when invite them to church.
I’m not talking about core doctrinal truths that need to be adhered to, of course. If Jesus says He’s the ONLY way, we should definitely stand up and give an apologia whenever someone says something to the contrary. BUT, do we really need to do so with all that vindictiveness that we often show? Are we able to recognize that salvation is something fundamentally important to us, but still be gracious in offering our beliefs in the face of opposition? Many times our Christian persecution in a culture like Singapore comes not in the form of physical persecution, but emotional rejection and derision.
“I’ve had the gospel preached to me before. And because of that person, I’m definitely not interested in hearing about the gospel anymore.” I’ve heard this statement way too often already. Many times, this occurs not because we’re zealous for the gospel, but because we’re zealous for OUR POINT to be accepted.
I really like what our church is doing for Billy right now. No overtly over-the-top attempts at sharing the gospel. Just lots of concern and prayer. That’s what church should be like! "Don’t like what we have to say? Fine – then judge us by what we do, and let us know if you like what you see." When we are imitators of Christ in this world – which is to say, when we lift Him up – He will draw all men to Himself.
Try it for yourself. Its awesome to watch Him in action.
Don’t think it works? Hey, Billy’s wife accepted Christ!
Eat that!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Cynicism, Eat Your Heart Out!!!
Been seeing so much chatter about a certain Susan Boyle on different news sites, that I decided to go check her out myself... and BOY, did she blow a huge chunk of my jadedness away.
I think its the romance of the underdog that overturned the tables and emerged. A real-life example of Shrek, if you will, of how we need to look past the external and reach out to the person inside.
REALLY appropriate, in light of what I had blogged about just before this, abt the mystery inside a person, and the need to look deep inside.
I think its the romance of the underdog that overturned the tables and emerged. A real-life example of Shrek, if you will, of how we need to look past the external and reach out to the person inside.
REALLY appropriate, in light of what I had blogged about just before this, abt the mystery inside a person, and the need to look deep inside.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Secrets of the Heart
The human heart has hidden treasures,
In secret kept, in silence sealed;
The thoughts, the hopes, the dreams, the pleasures,
Whose charms were broken if revealed
In secret kept, in silence sealed;
The thoughts, the hopes, the dreams, the pleasures,
Whose charms were broken if revealed
- Charlotte Bronte
This quote came to my mind out of the blue today. I first came across it more than 12 years ago when I was doing literature at ‘A’ Levels, then again many many years later in the movie “Definitely Maybe”.
Maybe it’s something I told Caleb last night, coupled with something Weixiu said as well. I’m a lot quicker to peg people now, and I was telling Caleb of someone that I’ve lost touch with because I think I’ve figured that person out, and decided that it serves no purpose to indulge him/her by “catching up”. It made me wonder about the time when I would spend hours and hours with a friend, trying to know him or her better, and working on that friendship. Weixiu mentioned last night that its getting harder and harder now to make new friends, and I replied that I took a lot of joy in being invisible when I visited CEFC Woodlands on Sunday.
What’s the link?
I think mystery always appeals to people. As Charlotte Bronte said, in the context of the human heart, there is a certain attraction to that which is mysterious and unknown. Ravi Zacharias once said that this world is too eager to “figure everything out”, thus making us lose our sense of wonder. The wonders and beauty of nature can be broken down into a textbook that “wearies the body” (Eccelsiastes 12:12), instead of refreshing the soul by the sheer wonder of it all, amplified by its mystery.
Then I think about the broad spectrum of relationships that I’ve seen around me, and the two extremes of the relationships that I’ve been in – One where we walked away recognizing that we barely knew each other, and the other now where we might run into the danger of knowing each other too well! (You know, since they say that familiarity breeds contempt.)
I think the hunger to know is good. If we were content to let God remain a mystery and not seek Him out, we would be so much poorer for it today. If he had not discovered electricity, mankind would not have been be able to enjoy ESSENTIAL comforts such as air-conditioning today (Bless your soul, Benjamin Franklin).
HOWEVER, too much of a good thing can be bad. I speak for myself here. Sometimes, after knowing a person for a long time, I’m too quick to assume that I’ve figured him out, and automatically peg him in a certain way. In Bronte’s words, its as if his charms have been broken. All because I think I’ve unlocked the secrets in his human heart.
Now, this post is probably a follow-up to my Easter post on reconciliation. An after-shock, if you’ll pardon the earthquake analogy. Maybe I need to “un-peg” my friends. Especially the ones I’m angry and not ok with. Maybe I need to once more recognize that, being made in the image of God, there’s still a lot of mystery left in everyone. A lot of potential for good, if I could but see it. Last year at Easter, I posted a song called Mercy Saw Me. Its chorus summed it up perfectly: “Beautiful – That’s how Mercy saw me”.
But its really hard work. Its hard to look at someone and not let all the past experiences shape our response to him/her. Hard to love someone and see someone the way Mercy does. So much easier to rely on my own experience and put up walls and barriers. It’ll DEFINITELY save time, and DEFINITELY save us from disappointments. It might even save us from looking stupid for having tried… and at 30 years old, its VERY VERY hard to not let disappointments and weariness eat at you… but I guess that’s why the Bible keeps reminding us we don’t do it by our own strength.
Lord, teach me to delight in the secrets of the human heart. In its secrets kept and its silences sealed. The thoughts, the hopes, the dreams and the pleasures that each one has. And break not those charms whenever they’re revealed.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Hey Look! Its a Blue Moon Easter!!
Today is Easter Sunday. That means 3 days ago, it was Good Friday.
The irony is, Good Friday’s not good.
Its actually really bad, because it’s the day that our Lord and Saviour died, so that sorry chaps like us can have any chance this side of eternity to live meaningful lives that reflect the glory of the Lord who died for the sake of even those who can’t understand what a delightful gift has been offered to us.
Today is Easter Sunday. Its supposed to be a joyful occasion, meant to be lived out in stark contrast to the mourning and grieving of Good Friday. Many people watch The Passion of Christ on Friday, to remind themselves of the pain that Jesus suffered for our sake. Many also fast over the weekend, in the spirit of pensive reflection and meditation of what the Lord’s suffering means for us.
So WHAT HAVE I DONE OVER THIS WEEKEND, AND WHAT HAVE I DONE TODAY?
N-O-T-H-I-N-G.
Really.
Really really.
Well… maybe not.
I’ve been thinking.
I chanced upon the picture above on POST SCRETS, which I haven’t really visited in a long long time.
At the same time, I’ve been visited by the theme of reconciliation this whole week, leading up to today. On so so so so so many occasions. From Weimin’s stories of Edie’s fallout with a colleague, to some of the stuff Hanley and I were talking about, to hearing that my friend’s divorce has come through, to conversations abt Ministry, to conversations abt Henry and Bernice, to new stories I hear abt church conflict, to even petty tales of my classmates and their feud with each other… etc. Its really been a bewilderingly overwhelming series of stories abt broken relationships/friendships, and reconciliation.
And in case you’re slow on the uptake, Easter is all about reconciliation. Its all abt the reconciliation between God and mankind, and the inherent call therefore for all man to be reconciled with each other.
But herein lies the root of my question: What does reconciliation with each other mean?
Of course, like I’ve shared with a couple of people just not too long ago, the one name that pops up like a red flag inside of me when I’m faced with the question of “who should I reconcile with” is… drumroll… my dearest and bestest-of-the-bestest friend, Andrew. (No, don’t worry. This isn’t another tirade against him.)
But yeah, he remains the one and only example of a person that I can’t bring myself to forgive. I’ve never known what it is like to not be able to forgive someone. I lived my whole life under the shelter of grace (pardon the irony), believing that as long as the Lord could see it somehow to forgive me, how could it be so difficult to ever forgive anyone? You just need to try.
But Andrew remains the one person I want to have absolutely nothing to do with, and the one person who leaves me puzzled why anyone else would bother with him. (Yes, it makes it twice as puzzling why my ex adores him so much.)
But today at service, I find myself therefore asking God – what does it mean when You want me to be reconciled with others? Are You simply asking that I no longer seethe with hatred and anger at the mere mention/thought of his name? Are You asking that I go and beg forgiveness for any wrong I’ve done him, then wait till the day I die for him to come and say that all’s well with us now? Are You expecting that everything should go back to the way it was, and we be chummy friends with each other?
I find myself at an utter loss, actually. God didn’t answer me (even though He’s supposed to have risen today.).
Aside from the Big A, I’ve also had too many friendships that were great while they lasted. Then the friendship took a beating along the way, and now things are just never the same again. Admittedly, a lot of it was my fault, but come one, he started it first! (Sorry, couldn’t resist.) But ok, seriously… I’ve had so many relationships/friendships that have “gone bad”, that when I saw this picture on POSTSECRETS, I really took to it immediately.
The irony is, Good Friday’s not good.
Its actually really bad, because it’s the day that our Lord and Saviour died, so that sorry chaps like us can have any chance this side of eternity to live meaningful lives that reflect the glory of the Lord who died for the sake of even those who can’t understand what a delightful gift has been offered to us.
Today is Easter Sunday. Its supposed to be a joyful occasion, meant to be lived out in stark contrast to the mourning and grieving of Good Friday. Many people watch The Passion of Christ on Friday, to remind themselves of the pain that Jesus suffered for our sake. Many also fast over the weekend, in the spirit of pensive reflection and meditation of what the Lord’s suffering means for us.
So WHAT HAVE I DONE OVER THIS WEEKEND, AND WHAT HAVE I DONE TODAY?
N-O-T-H-I-N-G.
Really.
Really really.
Well… maybe not.
I’ve been thinking.
I chanced upon the picture above on POST SCRETS, which I haven’t really visited in a long long time.
At the same time, I’ve been visited by the theme of reconciliation this whole week, leading up to today. On so so so so so many occasions. From Weimin’s stories of Edie’s fallout with a colleague, to some of the stuff Hanley and I were talking about, to hearing that my friend’s divorce has come through, to conversations abt Ministry, to conversations abt Henry and Bernice, to new stories I hear abt church conflict, to even petty tales of my classmates and their feud with each other… etc. Its really been a bewilderingly overwhelming series of stories abt broken relationships/friendships, and reconciliation.
And in case you’re slow on the uptake, Easter is all about reconciliation. Its all abt the reconciliation between God and mankind, and the inherent call therefore for all man to be reconciled with each other.
But herein lies the root of my question: What does reconciliation with each other mean?
Of course, like I’ve shared with a couple of people just not too long ago, the one name that pops up like a red flag inside of me when I’m faced with the question of “who should I reconcile with” is… drumroll… my dearest and bestest-of-the-bestest friend, Andrew. (No, don’t worry. This isn’t another tirade against him.)
But yeah, he remains the one and only example of a person that I can’t bring myself to forgive. I’ve never known what it is like to not be able to forgive someone. I lived my whole life under the shelter of grace (pardon the irony), believing that as long as the Lord could see it somehow to forgive me, how could it be so difficult to ever forgive anyone? You just need to try.
But Andrew remains the one person I want to have absolutely nothing to do with, and the one person who leaves me puzzled why anyone else would bother with him. (Yes, it makes it twice as puzzling why my ex adores him so much.)
But today at service, I find myself therefore asking God – what does it mean when You want me to be reconciled with others? Are You simply asking that I no longer seethe with hatred and anger at the mere mention/thought of his name? Are You asking that I go and beg forgiveness for any wrong I’ve done him, then wait till the day I die for him to come and say that all’s well with us now? Are You expecting that everything should go back to the way it was, and we be chummy friends with each other?
I find myself at an utter loss, actually. God didn’t answer me (even though He’s supposed to have risen today.).
Aside from the Big A, I’ve also had too many friendships that were great while they lasted. Then the friendship took a beating along the way, and now things are just never the same again. Admittedly, a lot of it was my fault, but come one, he started it first! (Sorry, couldn’t resist.) But ok, seriously… I’ve had so many relationships/friendships that have “gone bad”, that when I saw this picture on POSTSECRETS, I really took to it immediately.
So Lord, until You answer my questions, the best I can come up with is this:
Reconciliation is good, but its not for everyone. Sometimes, the best thing to do is to NOT reconcile. The best thing to do is to NOTHING the person.
In other words, I could certainly do well to stop bad-mouthing Andrew, I could certainly do well to not even use his name as an excuse to throw a dig or make a bad joke. But it would be foolish to go up to him the next time we meet, and try to see if we could start talking again. Sometimes when hurts run too deep, and the friendship that existed before isn’t deep enough to cover over the damage done, its better to just become strangers and walk away totally.
That basically means, as long as I can cut out Andrew TOTALLY from my life (i.e., refrain from even the petty digs at him), I’d be able to face God next Easter and say that I am reconciled. (Some purists won’t be satisfied with that. They will require me to go up to him anyway and get spat in the face before they’ll accept this option as good enough. Thank the Lord I’m not a purist, and don’t really care what they say.) Grins.
For my other friendships that have gone off tangent, I guess the only thing for me to do is to go back to treating them the way I used to, and see how they respond to that. Some I learn to keep at a distance because that’s the best way for the friendship to go. Others I pray somehow we can adapt the friendship to be meaningful once more.
And I guess that’s my Easter take-home for this year. I think I’m doing ok, for a change. By the plan that I’ve mapped out, I’m almost through reconciling with all around me. Oh, I still have abt two or three people I’m still not ok with, but hopefully I have the rest of the year to work on that.
Happy Easter, Lord.
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Goodbye 2008, Welcome 2009
And so it is that 2009 has finally arrived. So many things have simultaneously happened in the last 2 months that I’ve hardly had time to breathe. The most obvious was the financial crisis that has more or less laid to rest my option of going overseas to study. Perhaps after so much talk about me being the one who is reluctant to go overseas, God had other plans for me after all.
Then there was the huge mess that erupted about my housing arrangements due to the complicated business of rental and tenancy that my family now has. In a nutshell, we stay in a rented apartment whilst our own place is rented out. The reason being that my 2 retired parents get to make some income out of the balance to support their recalcitrant unemployed son. And since both leases expire around the end of the year, its been a crazy circus of deciding whether or not to keep the current arrangement and source for new tenants, or to just move in.
And there was the terrible business of my friend discovering that her husband of 16 years has had a second wife for 11 of those years, and has 2 kids. Quite a bolt out of the blue, and it was just a little more than I could handle, trying to help her in her moment of grief. I really don’t understand how some people can sleep at night. In a way, it must be such a wonderful thing to be devoid of a conscience and a heart. Such people are probably the only ones who sleep soundly at night, and can live with themselves being who they are. I guess adultery is one of the most extreme forms of betrayal, which has always remained a very sore spot for me. It made me really angry with her husband, and it made me extra determined to do what I can to help her – which in turn left me feeling even more hapless.
Church continues to spiral more and more into trouble, and I’ve just been vacillating between rage at the way things are, and the decision to commit myself even more in order to help things instead of merely bitching. As I write, I’m on the brink of losing 2 of the strongest pillars of my personal community as well as ministry, and my cell group is officially disbanded. In place of the rubble, I will most likely be starting a new cell group, co-leading with Weimin, just as I will have to commit even more to the worship ministry. All this at the point in time when I shall be starting school yet again, and cannot afford to screw up.
So yes, the end of 2008 has been even more doom and gloom than the pessimist in me would have expected.
And so as I sit and type, I find myself asking what’s the question I need to be asking for 2009? Is it how I should change my attitude? (Be more positive and proactive, and I’d do more good than merely whining?) Or is it more New Year Resolutions, only this time I be less ambitious and set more tangible goals that can be realistically achieved? Or perhaps I should start asking myself what’s really important to me, so that I don’t go charging through 2009 fighting fires for everything ranging from family to church to studies to relationship.
I really don’t know…
Then there was the huge mess that erupted about my housing arrangements due to the complicated business of rental and tenancy that my family now has. In a nutshell, we stay in a rented apartment whilst our own place is rented out. The reason being that my 2 retired parents get to make some income out of the balance to support their recalcitrant unemployed son. And since both leases expire around the end of the year, its been a crazy circus of deciding whether or not to keep the current arrangement and source for new tenants, or to just move in.
And there was the terrible business of my friend discovering that her husband of 16 years has had a second wife for 11 of those years, and has 2 kids. Quite a bolt out of the blue, and it was just a little more than I could handle, trying to help her in her moment of grief. I really don’t understand how some people can sleep at night. In a way, it must be such a wonderful thing to be devoid of a conscience and a heart. Such people are probably the only ones who sleep soundly at night, and can live with themselves being who they are. I guess adultery is one of the most extreme forms of betrayal, which has always remained a very sore spot for me. It made me really angry with her husband, and it made me extra determined to do what I can to help her – which in turn left me feeling even more hapless.
Church continues to spiral more and more into trouble, and I’ve just been vacillating between rage at the way things are, and the decision to commit myself even more in order to help things instead of merely bitching. As I write, I’m on the brink of losing 2 of the strongest pillars of my personal community as well as ministry, and my cell group is officially disbanded. In place of the rubble, I will most likely be starting a new cell group, co-leading with Weimin, just as I will have to commit even more to the worship ministry. All this at the point in time when I shall be starting school yet again, and cannot afford to screw up.
So yes, the end of 2008 has been even more doom and gloom than the pessimist in me would have expected.
And so as I sit and type, I find myself asking what’s the question I need to be asking for 2009? Is it how I should change my attitude? (Be more positive and proactive, and I’d do more good than merely whining?) Or is it more New Year Resolutions, only this time I be less ambitious and set more tangible goals that can be realistically achieved? Or perhaps I should start asking myself what’s really important to me, so that I don’t go charging through 2009 fighting fires for everything ranging from family to church to studies to relationship.
I really don’t know…
Monday, November 17, 2008
Who I Now Am
Been doing some self-reflection lately, and wondering that if I were my friends, how would I describe myself? Then I pause and realize that I don’t seem to really have any friends anymore.
It used to be a very cute inside joke between me and my girlfriend that because of her, I no longer have any friends. Of course, in the early days of the relationship, we had so many issues to overcome, that even if I had time to go meet my friends as in the days of yester, I would not have been able to muster up the strength to be a good company to anyone. So it gradually became accepted that I lost all my friends because of the nature of the relationship that I got into.
The recent days have been days of great upheavals. Whether it be the sorrows of parting for some friends, and of family for others, or whether it be the seemingly contagious disillusionment with the church that appears to be emerging, to the relatively mundane issues of moving away from the church building that I’ve worshipped in for more than 20 years, or the fact that I will FINALLY be going back to school come January… I guess when sobering events happens in and around my life, it always stirs me to once more re-examine my life.
There were 3 big institutions that I once would bank my life on – Friendships, Church and Marriage. And I have been so severely challenged on all 3 fronts that I find myself hanging on to the last bastions of my belief – marriage.
Church has been nothing short of disappointing, in the sense that I fail to distinguish the difference between church and office OTHER than merely content. And as Edmund Chan more than once pointed out, “Truth doesn’t change lives – Truth APPLIED changes lives”. If church differs from the workplace on mere rhetoric, then Christ is better off without His Bride.
Friendships – I came to the sobering realization that things actually haven’t changed all that much for me. The marathon meet-ups that I did with the myriads of souls that I called my friends served to keep me distant from all of them, merely preserving the form of friendship while denying it the substance it deserves. So other than the “friendly masquerade” sessions where we meet up to be nice to and sympathize with each other, basically the quality of friendships that I have in my life hasn’t really changed. I used to meet up with everyone so that I have no time to be real to anyone, and now I just cut right to the chase and not even meet up as much as I used to.
No doubt, there was a small band of friends that I’ve lost along the way, that I’ve come to regret. The few that I have dared to be more honest and real with, where the friendship wasn’t a feel-good session. Friends whom I know I can count on, not for empathy or support, but friends who tell me what I-need-to-but-hate-to hear. Too few of them exist, and to lose even one is a tragedy. Those friendships I will pray that I can redeem.
So where friends and church have left me dry and despairing, marriage is the last institution I cling to. If Christ’s lasting work on earth is to redeem for Himself a Bride, then I guess I can’t be too wrong for picking marriage as the foundation with which to base my hope. But too easily marriage could have been the first that I despair of. Having attended (literally) more weddings than I can count where I’ve questioned the wisdom and prudence of the union, I guess I’ve become a little jaded with the idea of someone who is “meant for you”.
I’ve come to see all relationships as being “what you want”. If you want someone with money, then someone with money becomes “meant for you”. If you want someone whom you can share a deep connection with, then THAT person becomes “meant for you”. If what you want changes, then whoever it is that is “meant for you” also changes. Only a few realize how selfish that is. Maybe that’s why so few stay committed, or stay happy in a commitment.
So its amazing how I can still bank my hopes on marriage as the last bastion of my confidence. But I’ve come to the conclusion that until I have a solid relationship with my partner as the foundation of my life, “doing church” and “doing friends” will either consciously or subconsciously become an opiate, and a way of avoiding the problems. And because I’m such a relational person, if my relationship with my partner falls apart, I will fall apart (as it has been demonstrated before already).
So that’s one thing I’ve learnt abt myself. And that’s why I will place my relationship as a higher priority than friends or church. I’ve taken more than my fair share of flak before because of that, but I think I’ve made my peace with God and myself about this.
It used to be a very cute inside joke between me and my girlfriend that because of her, I no longer have any friends. Of course, in the early days of the relationship, we had so many issues to overcome, that even if I had time to go meet my friends as in the days of yester, I would not have been able to muster up the strength to be a good company to anyone. So it gradually became accepted that I lost all my friends because of the nature of the relationship that I got into.
The recent days have been days of great upheavals. Whether it be the sorrows of parting for some friends, and of family for others, or whether it be the seemingly contagious disillusionment with the church that appears to be emerging, to the relatively mundane issues of moving away from the church building that I’ve worshipped in for more than 20 years, or the fact that I will FINALLY be going back to school come January… I guess when sobering events happens in and around my life, it always stirs me to once more re-examine my life.
There were 3 big institutions that I once would bank my life on – Friendships, Church and Marriage. And I have been so severely challenged on all 3 fronts that I find myself hanging on to the last bastions of my belief – marriage.
Church has been nothing short of disappointing, in the sense that I fail to distinguish the difference between church and office OTHER than merely content. And as Edmund Chan more than once pointed out, “Truth doesn’t change lives – Truth APPLIED changes lives”. If church differs from the workplace on mere rhetoric, then Christ is better off without His Bride.
Friendships – I came to the sobering realization that things actually haven’t changed all that much for me. The marathon meet-ups that I did with the myriads of souls that I called my friends served to keep me distant from all of them, merely preserving the form of friendship while denying it the substance it deserves. So other than the “friendly masquerade” sessions where we meet up to be nice to and sympathize with each other, basically the quality of friendships that I have in my life hasn’t really changed. I used to meet up with everyone so that I have no time to be real to anyone, and now I just cut right to the chase and not even meet up as much as I used to.
No doubt, there was a small band of friends that I’ve lost along the way, that I’ve come to regret. The few that I have dared to be more honest and real with, where the friendship wasn’t a feel-good session. Friends whom I know I can count on, not for empathy or support, but friends who tell me what I-need-to-but-hate-to hear. Too few of them exist, and to lose even one is a tragedy. Those friendships I will pray that I can redeem.
So where friends and church have left me dry and despairing, marriage is the last institution I cling to. If Christ’s lasting work on earth is to redeem for Himself a Bride, then I guess I can’t be too wrong for picking marriage as the foundation with which to base my hope. But too easily marriage could have been the first that I despair of. Having attended (literally) more weddings than I can count where I’ve questioned the wisdom and prudence of the union, I guess I’ve become a little jaded with the idea of someone who is “meant for you”.
I’ve come to see all relationships as being “what you want”. If you want someone with money, then someone with money becomes “meant for you”. If you want someone whom you can share a deep connection with, then THAT person becomes “meant for you”. If what you want changes, then whoever it is that is “meant for you” also changes. Only a few realize how selfish that is. Maybe that’s why so few stay committed, or stay happy in a commitment.
So its amazing how I can still bank my hopes on marriage as the last bastion of my confidence. But I’ve come to the conclusion that until I have a solid relationship with my partner as the foundation of my life, “doing church” and “doing friends” will either consciously or subconsciously become an opiate, and a way of avoiding the problems. And because I’m such a relational person, if my relationship with my partner falls apart, I will fall apart (as it has been demonstrated before already).
So that’s one thing I’ve learnt abt myself. And that’s why I will place my relationship as a higher priority than friends or church. I’ve taken more than my fair share of flak before because of that, but I think I’ve made my peace with God and myself about this.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Someone today asked me a question.
One of the mantras that I love to use when taking pot shots at church leadership, is that God’s heartbeat is for PEOPLE. In other words, when people are asked to serve in ANY capacity in ministry – even if it is dedicated towards the noblest of causes – when it burns people out, it is a BAD thing. And so one of my primary beef is always that when church leadership is asking people to serve, the primary motivation for ever approaching someone is to plug a gap. Of course, being in the God business long enough teaches you to throw in some sweeteners.
“Serving God helps you grow, it challenges you to use the talents that God has given you.”
“You’re not responding to me, nor serving me. You’re responding to God, and serving Him.” (Implicitly suggesting that if you reject the appeal to plug that gap, you’re actually committing the heinous sin of having betrayed God in an act of abject disobedience.)
“I strongly believe that if you take the step of faith to give to God, you will see how He rewards your obedience and sacrifice.”
Now, all statements such as these are not wrong. And when a pastor or a lay leader of the ministry uses it on you, there will be a certain degree of truth to it. The problem is – I truly believe that at the CORE of their beings, the instinctive preoccupation in their minds when challenging others to serve – their primary concern is still with plugging gaps.
Don’t believe me? List out now the top 5 things we look out for when we’re asking people to serve in any ministry. Some of the criterias will include a disciplined spiritual life, having the right gifts to serve in the ministry (e.g., worship, teaching… etc), leadership qualities, personal character and integrity… etc.
How often does the issue of “how will that person be able to grow in the ministry” come up? I’ll bet that it hardly ever does. Sure, we assume the same statements as those above, that God rewards the obedient and the faithful. But we don’t really apply any due diligence towards ensuring the well-being of our sheep. We simply are happy enough when someone says yes to helping plug the gaps, presumptuously throwing the full burden of the person’s growth in the hands of God.
Of course, the other Great Tendency is to “manage” the sheep as if the church were a corporation. People are “deployed”, and treated as abstract entities where their issues are discussed and resolved. The administrative approach to ministry is one of the greatest get-out-of-jail free card that the church has even invented for itself.
And so we sit back and scratch our heads 18 months down the road when people leave the ministry burnt out and bitter, wondering what went wrong. And even then, what we tend to see are the ruins of the sparkling dreams we had for our ministry, instead of the trail of shattered lives we leave behind.
And my point is that I believe it is this cavalier attitude we have towards people that ranks amongst the top of God’s list for what breaks His heart. God’s heart is for people, and He made it so abundantly clear throughout scripture.
He says when we serve the least of them, we serve Him. The greatest commandment is to love God, and love our neighbor. It is better for us to tie a millstone round our necks and throw ourselves into the sea, than to cause someone to stumble (if we ever practiced this, the church would have no leadership left. Everyone would be out at sea).
God’s Heart Is for People.
Period.
So getting back to the question I was asked today. Someone asked me “So if I really am not a people person, then how?” In other words, if by nature you are not a person who is quick to show compassion and love for people, where does that leave you?
My take? I think it’s a no-brainer question. God also calls us to be holy. Who goes around asking “So if I really am not a holy person, then how?” Of course the answer is that you need to change, and develop what is lacking. I’m not making this about the person who asked this question, but I know many who hide behind the excuse that “I’m not like that”, and think they can get away with abusing that which God holds most dear.
Whether it be the authoritarian who is always very quick to tear down more than to build up, to the nonchalant leader who is a parable of the missing dad (doesn’t see the sheep as being worth their time, and so feeds them only the spare scraps of time dished out), people hide behind the excuse “I’m not like that” and think they are therefore exonerated from blame for failing to treat people as people.
It also means that you cannot hide behind the excuse that by nature you prefer be alone, and that you're not good with people.
To those out there who ask such questions – if you’re not a people person, you have no other option than to force yourself to be one, making each day a learnig exercise until you master the art of being one whose heart beats with God’s.
In other words, fake it till you make it.
One of the mantras that I love to use when taking pot shots at church leadership, is that God’s heartbeat is for PEOPLE. In other words, when people are asked to serve in ANY capacity in ministry – even if it is dedicated towards the noblest of causes – when it burns people out, it is a BAD thing. And so one of my primary beef is always that when church leadership is asking people to serve, the primary motivation for ever approaching someone is to plug a gap. Of course, being in the God business long enough teaches you to throw in some sweeteners.
“Serving God helps you grow, it challenges you to use the talents that God has given you.”
“You’re not responding to me, nor serving me. You’re responding to God, and serving Him.” (Implicitly suggesting that if you reject the appeal to plug that gap, you’re actually committing the heinous sin of having betrayed God in an act of abject disobedience.)
“I strongly believe that if you take the step of faith to give to God, you will see how He rewards your obedience and sacrifice.”
Now, all statements such as these are not wrong. And when a pastor or a lay leader of the ministry uses it on you, there will be a certain degree of truth to it. The problem is – I truly believe that at the CORE of their beings, the instinctive preoccupation in their minds when challenging others to serve – their primary concern is still with plugging gaps.
Don’t believe me? List out now the top 5 things we look out for when we’re asking people to serve in any ministry. Some of the criterias will include a disciplined spiritual life, having the right gifts to serve in the ministry (e.g., worship, teaching… etc), leadership qualities, personal character and integrity… etc.
How often does the issue of “how will that person be able to grow in the ministry” come up? I’ll bet that it hardly ever does. Sure, we assume the same statements as those above, that God rewards the obedient and the faithful. But we don’t really apply any due diligence towards ensuring the well-being of our sheep. We simply are happy enough when someone says yes to helping plug the gaps, presumptuously throwing the full burden of the person’s growth in the hands of God.
Of course, the other Great Tendency is to “manage” the sheep as if the church were a corporation. People are “deployed”, and treated as abstract entities where their issues are discussed and resolved. The administrative approach to ministry is one of the greatest get-out-of-jail free card that the church has even invented for itself.
And so we sit back and scratch our heads 18 months down the road when people leave the ministry burnt out and bitter, wondering what went wrong. And even then, what we tend to see are the ruins of the sparkling dreams we had for our ministry, instead of the trail of shattered lives we leave behind.
And my point is that I believe it is this cavalier attitude we have towards people that ranks amongst the top of God’s list for what breaks His heart. God’s heart is for people, and He made it so abundantly clear throughout scripture.
He says when we serve the least of them, we serve Him. The greatest commandment is to love God, and love our neighbor. It is better for us to tie a millstone round our necks and throw ourselves into the sea, than to cause someone to stumble (if we ever practiced this, the church would have no leadership left. Everyone would be out at sea).
God’s Heart Is for People.
Period.
So getting back to the question I was asked today. Someone asked me “So if I really am not a people person, then how?” In other words, if by nature you are not a person who is quick to show compassion and love for people, where does that leave you?
My take? I think it’s a no-brainer question. God also calls us to be holy. Who goes around asking “So if I really am not a holy person, then how?” Of course the answer is that you need to change, and develop what is lacking. I’m not making this about the person who asked this question, but I know many who hide behind the excuse that “I’m not like that”, and think they can get away with abusing that which God holds most dear.
Whether it be the authoritarian who is always very quick to tear down more than to build up, to the nonchalant leader who is a parable of the missing dad (doesn’t see the sheep as being worth their time, and so feeds them only the spare scraps of time dished out), people hide behind the excuse “I’m not like that” and think they are therefore exonerated from blame for failing to treat people as people.
It also means that you cannot hide behind the excuse that by nature you prefer be alone, and that you're not good with people.
To those out there who ask such questions – if you’re not a people person, you have no other option than to force yourself to be one, making each day a learnig exercise until you master the art of being one whose heart beats with God’s.
In other words, fake it till you make it.
Saturday, October 04, 2008
Seeing Rather Dimly
WOW.
Its been so long since I’ve been back. Yet, with all that’s been going on around me, I’ve felt compelled to once again return to this haven and pen my thoughts, in the hope that it might help me to better sort out the conflicting thoughts that have been circling in my mind.
Ever since the IDMC conference, I’ve once again felt something in my heart that I feared had died a long time ago – a burden for the church. Sure, I still serve in ministry, and do my fair bit like most in church… but its been so long since I would feel a pain that eats at me when I see how much the church is under-achieving, and the way with which it seems doomed to perpetually live in the shadow of its history, never learning from the mistakes of the past.
Yes – the church in so many ways, reminds me of myself.
Maybe it’s a mixture of the IDMC conference and the “power” of Edmund Chan, as well as the fact that I seem to once more be taking more pro-active steps to finally get my life back in order (for the 6261365213623765th time, it needs to be pointed out), but looking at the condition of my church today, what had become just a numbed acceptance of the situation has slowly been replaced once again by a deep sorrow and inner lament.
Each altar that we’ve built as a congregation to remind us of the milestones that God had led us through, now serves as a reminder of the mockery we’ve made of His grace and providence. Like the Israelites that wandered in the desert for 40 years, never seeming to come to grips with the mighty God who showed such patience with them, they lived in the shadows of their mistakes until they all passed away in the wilderness.
I wonder – is that also going to be our fate, doomed to never reach the promised land? Maybe our job is really to let the next generation find us faithful, leaving behind a legacy for them that outlives every one of us who started out on this journey. Or perhaps that’s just my faithlessness once again rearing its ugly head.
I look at my Life Group, made up of really nice people, whose relationship with each other resembles a classroom of friends more than that of a community that’s focused on impacting lives for Christ. I look at the whole church that seems more intent on infrastructures and what Edmund Chan calls “superstructures” (outward appearances of accomplishments), than on building the inner lives of its members. I look at my own powerless and lifeless existence, and ask myself who do I think I am, that I should be even saying such things. Yet there is such an overwhelming emotion welling up inside of me, that all of this is WRONG.
Everyone tells me that the grass inevitably looks greener on the other side, and that as long as we dig deep into the “success stories” of other churches, we’ll always find the same banal humanity that lives in our church. “Its really not that different, you’ll see”, they tell me. And I understand what they’re saying. As long as the church is made up of creatures who live a life of “total depravity”, things will never be perfect in a church. But to hide behind the excuse of the imperfection of man, and to therefore cease the fighting the good fight, that’s not a solution either. Why should we be afraid of examining the shortfalls of our church, and learn from the principles of other churches who are strong in those areas?
Part of the confusion stems from the fact that the “sheep” can’t seem to be able to make up their minds about the state and condition of their spiritual lives, and the condition of the church. Its as if a veil has been placed over their eyes, that they see rather dimly. We seem unable to differentiate between what is really apathy towards the condition that is plaguing our church, and showing grace towards the limitations of the church. So when we should speak up in order to change things for the better, we withhold whatever sounds like criticism, and allow the status quo to continue.
So we deceive ourselves into a comfortable rhythm of a life that requires no sacrifice nor commitment from our church, in exchange for the promise that they in turn will demand nothing from us. Even those in leadership positions are not spared. We cannot distinguish between empathy for the pastors, and what genuine support for them should look like, and the general apathy that keeps us from genuine change. Instead of sacrificing our own time and effort on lasting change, we also do what we accuse our pastors of doing – we fight fires. We spend our time fighting the fires in ministry, instead of sitting down with our pastors and working through with them the causes of these fires.
Maybe its because that hat would take too much effort, and we feel we lack the wisdom to start. Maybe its because we're too hurt to care for our pastors, or to even care. Maybe its because we feel its a hopeless fight, and we should either move to another church like so many have done, or just stay and "do the best we can" with the present system.
I’m praying that this would change. I ask myself if I should do anything, since I seem to be the one who sees the problem. But I come up against the same excuse as all those who have walked this path before me – I don’t think anyone would listen, and I really have no idea where to start and what to do.
Lord, give me wisdom and help me to see how I can start. Show me how to pray for the church, and what I can start doing.
Its been so long since I’ve been back. Yet, with all that’s been going on around me, I’ve felt compelled to once again return to this haven and pen my thoughts, in the hope that it might help me to better sort out the conflicting thoughts that have been circling in my mind.
Ever since the IDMC conference, I’ve once again felt something in my heart that I feared had died a long time ago – a burden for the church. Sure, I still serve in ministry, and do my fair bit like most in church… but its been so long since I would feel a pain that eats at me when I see how much the church is under-achieving, and the way with which it seems doomed to perpetually live in the shadow of its history, never learning from the mistakes of the past.
Yes – the church in so many ways, reminds me of myself.
Maybe it’s a mixture of the IDMC conference and the “power” of Edmund Chan, as well as the fact that I seem to once more be taking more pro-active steps to finally get my life back in order (for the 6261365213623765th time, it needs to be pointed out), but looking at the condition of my church today, what had become just a numbed acceptance of the situation has slowly been replaced once again by a deep sorrow and inner lament.
Each altar that we’ve built as a congregation to remind us of the milestones that God had led us through, now serves as a reminder of the mockery we’ve made of His grace and providence. Like the Israelites that wandered in the desert for 40 years, never seeming to come to grips with the mighty God who showed such patience with them, they lived in the shadows of their mistakes until they all passed away in the wilderness.
I wonder – is that also going to be our fate, doomed to never reach the promised land? Maybe our job is really to let the next generation find us faithful, leaving behind a legacy for them that outlives every one of us who started out on this journey. Or perhaps that’s just my faithlessness once again rearing its ugly head.
I look at my Life Group, made up of really nice people, whose relationship with each other resembles a classroom of friends more than that of a community that’s focused on impacting lives for Christ. I look at the whole church that seems more intent on infrastructures and what Edmund Chan calls “superstructures” (outward appearances of accomplishments), than on building the inner lives of its members. I look at my own powerless and lifeless existence, and ask myself who do I think I am, that I should be even saying such things. Yet there is such an overwhelming emotion welling up inside of me, that all of this is WRONG.
Everyone tells me that the grass inevitably looks greener on the other side, and that as long as we dig deep into the “success stories” of other churches, we’ll always find the same banal humanity that lives in our church. “Its really not that different, you’ll see”, they tell me. And I understand what they’re saying. As long as the church is made up of creatures who live a life of “total depravity”, things will never be perfect in a church. But to hide behind the excuse of the imperfection of man, and to therefore cease the fighting the good fight, that’s not a solution either. Why should we be afraid of examining the shortfalls of our church, and learn from the principles of other churches who are strong in those areas?
Part of the confusion stems from the fact that the “sheep” can’t seem to be able to make up their minds about the state and condition of their spiritual lives, and the condition of the church. Its as if a veil has been placed over their eyes, that they see rather dimly. We seem unable to differentiate between what is really apathy towards the condition that is plaguing our church, and showing grace towards the limitations of the church. So when we should speak up in order to change things for the better, we withhold whatever sounds like criticism, and allow the status quo to continue.
So we deceive ourselves into a comfortable rhythm of a life that requires no sacrifice nor commitment from our church, in exchange for the promise that they in turn will demand nothing from us. Even those in leadership positions are not spared. We cannot distinguish between empathy for the pastors, and what genuine support for them should look like, and the general apathy that keeps us from genuine change. Instead of sacrificing our own time and effort on lasting change, we also do what we accuse our pastors of doing – we fight fires. We spend our time fighting the fires in ministry, instead of sitting down with our pastors and working through with them the causes of these fires.
Maybe its because that hat would take too much effort, and we feel we lack the wisdom to start. Maybe its because we're too hurt to care for our pastors, or to even care. Maybe its because we feel its a hopeless fight, and we should either move to another church like so many have done, or just stay and "do the best we can" with the present system.
I’m praying that this would change. I ask myself if I should do anything, since I seem to be the one who sees the problem. But I come up against the same excuse as all those who have walked this path before me – I don’t think anyone would listen, and I really have no idea where to start and what to do.
Lord, give me wisdom and help me to see how I can start. Show me how to pray for the church, and what I can start doing.
Monday, July 07, 2008
Every Road Pay
It takes something really drastic to break my silence on my blog. And this has been by far one of the funniest emails I've ever received from my friend.
ERP in 2010
ERP in 2015
The Next Big Thing...
And After That...
ERP in 2010
ERP in 2015
The Next Big Thing...
And After That...
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Back From The Dead
Hehz... there were a few who rrecently remarked to me that that this blog has finally started living up to its name. Ah well. What can I say, I'm a man of foresight.
But yes, its scary how fast time flies. And a quick glance at my past entries also makes me think just how much flown past me that I have forgotten, as compared to those signifiant times that I managed to document here.
*sigh*
Ah well. Guess its still Jan, I'm still in time for New Year Resolutions. So... for all its worth... I'm making a resolution to try to make some time to put down less nonsense, and chronicle some of the more significant events and epiphanies that I have had... that I may be able to look back on the year and not arrive at a blank.
I just attended Jelaine's wedding on sunday. My JC classmate, Jel was always the fellow-christian in the class that I knew I could count on, to be praying for the class. Its been ten years since graduation. Hanson & Yenli are married. Marcus, Vanda and Ray are already married. Cheryl is getting married this saturday. Oh boy. My class has really grown up.
I've missed my class. Somehow we have a very easy frendship that has managed to survive despite the fact that we only meet up a couple of times a year. And its inevitable but sad to see that with each passing year, less and less people show up. I've also been guilty of missing a couple of class gatherings.
Ah well. Nostalgia at the start of the year...
Gosh, its been so long tht I don't even know how to blog anymore, other than just putting down random thoughts and events that have happened.
My contract with Reuters is up on 26th Feb. Barring a fantastic new offer that they might make me, the more realistic expectation is that I'll be leaving the company. The place has just become so absolutely unbearable. I realise I'm a person who really cannot stand working in a place when I cannot stand the people there. Maybe that's why I detest army so much.
Ah well.
Anyone wanna hire me after Feb?
But yes, its scary how fast time flies. And a quick glance at my past entries also makes me think just how much flown past me that I have forgotten, as compared to those signifiant times that I managed to document here.
*sigh*
Ah well. Guess its still Jan, I'm still in time for New Year Resolutions. So... for all its worth... I'm making a resolution to try to make some time to put down less nonsense, and chronicle some of the more significant events and epiphanies that I have had... that I may be able to look back on the year and not arrive at a blank.
I just attended Jelaine's wedding on sunday. My JC classmate, Jel was always the fellow-christian in the class that I knew I could count on, to be praying for the class. Its been ten years since graduation. Hanson & Yenli are married. Marcus, Vanda and Ray are already married. Cheryl is getting married this saturday. Oh boy. My class has really grown up.
I've missed my class. Somehow we have a very easy frendship that has managed to survive despite the fact that we only meet up a couple of times a year. And its inevitable but sad to see that with each passing year, less and less people show up. I've also been guilty of missing a couple of class gatherings.
Ah well. Nostalgia at the start of the year...
Gosh, its been so long tht I don't even know how to blog anymore, other than just putting down random thoughts and events that have happened.
My contract with Reuters is up on 26th Feb. Barring a fantastic new offer that they might make me, the more realistic expectation is that I'll be leaving the company. The place has just become so absolutely unbearable. I realise I'm a person who really cannot stand working in a place when I cannot stand the people there. Maybe that's why I detest army so much.
Ah well.
Anyone wanna hire me after Feb?
Friday, September 21, 2007
This Is Really Just Rambling... Feel Free To Stop Reading After The Article.
08/17/07
The Self-Conscious Samaritan
Jill Carattini
I remember the first time I learned that legal proceedings are not always exact pictures of justice. I think my mom was trying to get me to clean my room. Trying a new tactic, she told me that if a burglar happened to break in that night, trip over the junk on my floor and break his leg, I would be the one responsible for his injuries. In such a scenario, the thief could actually take legal action against the very person he was trying to rob. To say the least, I found this disturbing (though probably not enough to clean my room).
A similarly troubling picture of justice arises when a person is trying to help a victim, but ends up becoming the victim herself--such as when a passerby stops to administer CPR and winds up, for whatever reason, with a lawsuit on her hands. A recent newspaper column by Abigail Van Buren, known to her readers as "Dear Abby," lamented the increasing need for Good Samaritans to stop and consider the risk before providing assistance. While Abby herself noted there was no excuse to withhold help, one reader was insistent. In places without a "Good Samaritan law," which removes the liability of the one providing assistance, "people who offer a helping hand place themselves potentially at financial and emotional risk." She continued, "I only hope that I have the presence of mind in the future to withhold assistance in a state that has no Good Samaritan law." Thus, while the law of human nature seems to assure the majority of people will pass by an accident assuming that someone else will help out, the laws of litigation seem to warn Good Samaritans to watch their backs altogether. Consequently, in many cases, no one does anything. The victim remains the victim; the Samaritan remains unscathed.
I suppose it should not come as a surprise that we have hyper-individualized one of the most non-individualistic characters in all of Scripture. The very point of the parable of the Good Samaritan is to teach that we cannot hold these hierarchical distinctions, whether thinking in terms of race, religion, or personal liability. By the very definition Jesus offered, the Samaritan's presence of mind is the exact opposite of self-conscious. He places himself in the center of harm's way (not knowing if the thieves are still nearby) not to mention the epicenter of disdain for showing disregard to cultural norms (he was a Samaritan who should have been keeping to himself). The assurance of coming out unscathed could scarcely be the Samaritan's motive for reaching out. On the contrary, the Samaritan places himself in a position where he is certain to bear the cost.
While it is indeed lamentable that the current state of the world seems to necessitate self-consciousness in dealing with our neighbors, it is more than lamentable that we assume this was not the same scenario for the crowd who first heard the story. We seem to reason that the Good Samaritan only helped because it was not a liability for him, giving ourselves a rational exemption: "If it weren't for the law, I would be more than willing to see that person as my neighbor." In fact, the one who first asked the question that merited Jesus's telling of the parable was thinking quite similarly. His very question, "Who is my neighbor?" betrays his philosophy that the world can be classified in terms of commodities: "There are those I am responsible to help, and there are those I am not responsible to help." And he bases these distinctions on his reading of the law. Albeit a different kind of law than the laws that discourage us from helping today, it is a similar use of legalism all the same.
Yet Jesus calls the questioner away from his legalistic mindset with a story that turns his categories into smoke and mirrors. Instead of the stance of self-consciousness that asks "What will happen to me if I stop and help this man?" a far better question is posed on the lips of one who has much to lose: "What will happen to this man if I don't stop?" Setting aside the categories that could easily hold him back, the Good Samaritan has room to hold the very commandment on which all the law and the prophets hang: You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and your neighbor as yourself. With this wisdom in hand, the Good Samaritan, and every soul that carries his presence of mind thereafter, is not far from the kingdom of God.
Jill Carattini is senior associate writer at Ravi Zacharias International Ministries in Atlanta, Georgia.
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Something really struck a chord in me about this article... Maybe its because not too long ago I went back to revisit my Ally McBeal series, and find myself once again challenged by the enormity of trying to make sense of a world that has seemingly gone absolutely mad. I doubt any of those who were by Jesus' side as He told the parable of the Good Samaritan thought about the need for a "Good Samaritan Law" to exist. Surely there was a point in time in the history of humanity, where helping one in need was second nature.
One thing that always strikes me when I'm watching the Ally McBeal series, is how subjective the law really is. We always think of the law as black and white stuff, and that nothing could be more clear than anything that is "black and white". Yet ironically, it seems that there is nothing but grey areas within the scope of the law - everything can be challenged, and there's always a loophole to exploit and a crazy cause to champion.
And I guess it is only inevitable that within such a society that has chosen to be governed by "black and white" laws, people can be sued for helping someone else. Picture this - the lady beside you slips while shuffling past you in a hurry. You reach out to prevent her from falling, and ends up getting sued for groping her. You start thinking that it might be better next time to just watch someone else crack her head on the sidewalk instead of having your good intentions flushed down the toilet.
I guess I really liked how she ends the article. The call of Christ is to give of ourselves as He gave to us. I guess giving really isn't giving if it costs us nothing. If you gave me something that I really like for X'mas, it makes a difference whether you bought it, or if it was a leftover gift from a previous celebration. So Jill reminds us that instead of asking "what will this cost me?", we should be asking "what will it cost him, should I withhold my help?"... and that should be the motivation for our efforts. That's how we serve Him by serving others.
The Self-Conscious Samaritan
Jill Carattini
I remember the first time I learned that legal proceedings are not always exact pictures of justice. I think my mom was trying to get me to clean my room. Trying a new tactic, she told me that if a burglar happened to break in that night, trip over the junk on my floor and break his leg, I would be the one responsible for his injuries. In such a scenario, the thief could actually take legal action against the very person he was trying to rob. To say the least, I found this disturbing (though probably not enough to clean my room).
A similarly troubling picture of justice arises when a person is trying to help a victim, but ends up becoming the victim herself--such as when a passerby stops to administer CPR and winds up, for whatever reason, with a lawsuit on her hands. A recent newspaper column by Abigail Van Buren, known to her readers as "Dear Abby," lamented the increasing need for Good Samaritans to stop and consider the risk before providing assistance. While Abby herself noted there was no excuse to withhold help, one reader was insistent. In places without a "Good Samaritan law," which removes the liability of the one providing assistance, "people who offer a helping hand place themselves potentially at financial and emotional risk." She continued, "I only hope that I have the presence of mind in the future to withhold assistance in a state that has no Good Samaritan law." Thus, while the law of human nature seems to assure the majority of people will pass by an accident assuming that someone else will help out, the laws of litigation seem to warn Good Samaritans to watch their backs altogether. Consequently, in many cases, no one does anything. The victim remains the victim; the Samaritan remains unscathed.
I suppose it should not come as a surprise that we have hyper-individualized one of the most non-individualistic characters in all of Scripture. The very point of the parable of the Good Samaritan is to teach that we cannot hold these hierarchical distinctions, whether thinking in terms of race, religion, or personal liability. By the very definition Jesus offered, the Samaritan's presence of mind is the exact opposite of self-conscious. He places himself in the center of harm's way (not knowing if the thieves are still nearby) not to mention the epicenter of disdain for showing disregard to cultural norms (he was a Samaritan who should have been keeping to himself). The assurance of coming out unscathed could scarcely be the Samaritan's motive for reaching out. On the contrary, the Samaritan places himself in a position where he is certain to bear the cost.
While it is indeed lamentable that the current state of the world seems to necessitate self-consciousness in dealing with our neighbors, it is more than lamentable that we assume this was not the same scenario for the crowd who first heard the story. We seem to reason that the Good Samaritan only helped because it was not a liability for him, giving ourselves a rational exemption: "If it weren't for the law, I would be more than willing to see that person as my neighbor." In fact, the one who first asked the question that merited Jesus's telling of the parable was thinking quite similarly. His very question, "Who is my neighbor?" betrays his philosophy that the world can be classified in terms of commodities: "There are those I am responsible to help, and there are those I am not responsible to help." And he bases these distinctions on his reading of the law. Albeit a different kind of law than the laws that discourage us from helping today, it is a similar use of legalism all the same.
Yet Jesus calls the questioner away from his legalistic mindset with a story that turns his categories into smoke and mirrors. Instead of the stance of self-consciousness that asks "What will happen to me if I stop and help this man?" a far better question is posed on the lips of one who has much to lose: "What will happen to this man if I don't stop?" Setting aside the categories that could easily hold him back, the Good Samaritan has room to hold the very commandment on which all the law and the prophets hang: You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and your neighbor as yourself. With this wisdom in hand, the Good Samaritan, and every soul that carries his presence of mind thereafter, is not far from the kingdom of God.
Jill Carattini is senior associate writer at Ravi Zacharias International Ministries in Atlanta, Georgia.
________________________________________
To subscribe to this list send an empty email to: slice-html-subscribe@lists.rzim.org
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For help email: slice@sliceofinfinity.org
________________________________________
***************************************************************************
Something really struck a chord in me about this article... Maybe its because not too long ago I went back to revisit my Ally McBeal series, and find myself once again challenged by the enormity of trying to make sense of a world that has seemingly gone absolutely mad. I doubt any of those who were by Jesus' side as He told the parable of the Good Samaritan thought about the need for a "Good Samaritan Law" to exist. Surely there was a point in time in the history of humanity, where helping one in need was second nature.
One thing that always strikes me when I'm watching the Ally McBeal series, is how subjective the law really is. We always think of the law as black and white stuff, and that nothing could be more clear than anything that is "black and white". Yet ironically, it seems that there is nothing but grey areas within the scope of the law - everything can be challenged, and there's always a loophole to exploit and a crazy cause to champion.
And I guess it is only inevitable that within such a society that has chosen to be governed by "black and white" laws, people can be sued for helping someone else. Picture this - the lady beside you slips while shuffling past you in a hurry. You reach out to prevent her from falling, and ends up getting sued for groping her. You start thinking that it might be better next time to just watch someone else crack her head on the sidewalk instead of having your good intentions flushed down the toilet.
I guess I really liked how she ends the article. The call of Christ is to give of ourselves as He gave to us. I guess giving really isn't giving if it costs us nothing. If you gave me something that I really like for X'mas, it makes a difference whether you bought it, or if it was a leftover gift from a previous celebration. So Jill reminds us that instead of asking "what will this cost me?", we should be asking "what will it cost him, should I withhold my help?"... and that should be the motivation for our efforts. That's how we serve Him by serving others.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
The Life And Sol of Manchester United
With an outstretched right boot, Ole Solskjaer wrote his name into Manchester United legend.Using the poacher’s instinct that has served him so well, he latched on to Teddy Sheringham’s nod down and diverted the ball into the roof of the Bayern Munich net.
“And Solskjaer has won it”. The recording of Clive Tyldesley’s commentary from that night at the Nou Camp still sends a shudder down every United fan’s spine.
Some even wake up to it as the recorded message on Manchester United alarm clocks.
Sheringham had equalised just moments before in injury time as United completed the most remarkable comeback in European Cup history to lift the trophy in 1999.
Few could have been more deserving than Solskjaer of that 2-1 win in Barcelona. But that is not the only reason he was adored by United fans. In an age of football celebrities, Solskjaer has always been a man who exudes humility.
Married with two children, you will rarely see him pictured in Manchester’s nightspots or in glossy magazines. He is simply a footballer and family man.
Once dubbed The Baby-faced Assassin, it seems almost inconceivable that at 34 his career is at an end.
He has undergone intense hard work in the gym, numerous operations, false dawns and heartache.
Now he has finally had to surrender to the knee problems that have blighted him since September 2003. Solskjaer had just scored United’s third goal in a 5-0 win over Panathinaikos in the Champions League when his knee went seven minutes later.
It seemed innocuous enough as he chased on to a Paul Scholes pass.
Solskjaer said: “My thigh bone and shin had knocked together and I got a hole in my cartilage.
“It just goes to show that you have to enjoy what you’re doing because the smallest things can cause the biggest problems.”
Since then, he only played a handful of games until last season when it seemed he had finally shaken off the problem.
In that campaign, Solskjaer made 30 appearances, 14 of them starts, scoring 11 goals. He was the club’s third-top scorer behind Wayne Rooney and Cristiano Ronaldo. But, in June, he reported feeling some discomfort while training in Norway.
Solskjaer needed another minor knee operation — and this time it would be the last.
After much soul-searching with his family and manager Alex Ferguson, he has brought down the curtain on a brilliant career.
During the darkest days of his rehabilitation, Solskjaer gave an insight into what wearing the United No 20 shirt again meant to him.
He said: “It means everything to me to wear this red shirt again. That’s all that matters to me. I have seen myself playing again on many nights — but then I woke up.”
Life will initially be tough for a man who adored playing at Old Trafford and who was loved back in equal measure. One banner at the ground reads ‘2OLEgend’. His name has been sung consistently through his injury problems — something that has kept his spirits up.
He once said: “Obviously, it makes you feel proud.
“I think I now realise even more what that goal in the Nou Camp meant when I listen to the crowd.”
‘You are my Solskjaer’ to the tune of ‘You are My Sunshine’ and ‘Who Put the Ball in the Germans’ Net’, are two of the most popular songs on the Stretford End.
You can also bet the fans will be in full voice again on Saturday when United face Sunderland in the first game since Solskjaer decided to call it a day.
No doubt the club will bring him out on to the pitch for a final bow.
Solskjaer previously said: “There is something special about this place.
“I’ve always been the sort of person that when I feel for something, it sticks to my heart. Here, I felt welcome from the first day I arrived. The gaffer has been great to me.
“The club, the players — I couldn’t ask for any more.
“Every player that leaves here says you don’t know what you’re leaving until you’ve left because this is the place to be.
“This club means so much to me and I just feel totally at home here.”
As a child, Solskjaer trained as a wrestler — his father was a Norwegian national champion.
For someone so slight, he showed incredible determination and that has served him well throughout his years at United.
He was signed from Norwegian side Molde in July 1996 after United missed out on Alan Shearer, who opted for Newcastle.
When Tottenham offered £5.5million for him in 1998, Ferguson left the final decision up to the player. United fans and Ferguson are thankful Solskjaer decided to stick it out.
As well as starring for United for a decade he also made 67 appearances for his country, scoring 23 goals.
Solskjaer appeared for Norway at both the France 98 World Cup and Euro 2000.
His glorious career brought him 10 major medals for United — six Premier League titles, two FA Cups, a League Cup and, of course, the European Cup.
Once when asked why he was so loved at United, Solskjaer’s reply was typically humble.
He said: “I suppose because the fans know I have always given 100 per cent and I have done the best that I could do with the talent that I was given.”
He did much more than that — and Manchester United will never forget him for it.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
My Wishlist
Hehz...
Its finally coming out... the Palm Treo 755. For those of you who agonising what to buy me for my birthday that's past, or Christmas that's coming up, you'll be pleased to know that I will find favour with this gift. Grins.
Basically, I've turned my back on the Windows OS. I've decided to sell out to the Palm OS... basically cos the Windows OS usually costs 300 bucks more.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Distance
"I've never found a companion as companionable as solitude." – Henry David Thoreau
Ever heard someone say to you before that "misery loves company"? I think that's a very misleading statement. Don't get me wrong, I know exactly what its getting at, and I agree with the sentiment completely. But it's quite different from what I'm gonna be talking about.
I think... pain was never meant to be something shared. Its too personal, too exclusive to the person involved. My loss will never be understood by you, and your pain will always be seen on the outside by me. The best I'll be able to do is to share the burdens that your loss causes. Just like how you'll never be able to truly understand the depth of my pain, and where I'm coming from.
Happiness is so much easier to share, since its much easier to vicariously bask in someone else's' triumph, and partake of another's glory.
I finished reading the last Harry Potter book... and it just struck me that in a book that basically unraveled all the mysteries of the previous 6 books put together, the disclosures were mostly all about the hurt and pain that were borne alone by the different characters. Dumbledore, Snape and Harry – bound by a common tacit agreement between them that their suffering would not have been met agreeably by society – even those closest to them. Thus, instead of increasing their heavy burdens with the need to justify their hurts, it was the more practical and merciful option that they chose to hide it from everyone else.
There were plenty around them who helped to bear their burdens, especially Harry – for whom many died protecting him... but ultimately there's no denying that aside from Voldemort himself, the 3 loneliest characters in the book remain the 3 most pivotal characters of the entire series – Harry, Snape and Dumbledore.
My point being?
Maybe its that the last book leaves me with a lot of regrets... emotions stirred up by it, feeling sorry that we've more or less seen the last of Hogwarts and that lightning scar of the Boy-Who-Lived. Perhaps its just things that have happened around me that served as a trigger, both consciously as well as subconsciously. Or perhaps its just the weather turning a little dreary.
But anyway, it seems that even so many years after what has happened, and despite all that I've tried to say abt the issue, I've come to personally realize that other people will always be people on the outside looking in, with their own take on matters, devoid of the sort of personal experience that only I have. In fact, each time I mention it now, I become the victim once again, being castigated as one who has failed to move on. Much easier to keep it inside, since its not helping anyone anyway.
Worse thing is, I know that if the roles were reversed, I'd be doing the exact same thing, picking open another's scar, then pouring salt on the wound all over again. I know. I've done that. Rather than doing it to another again, I think I'd prefer sticking to sharing someone joy instead.
The price to pay for sharing one's burdens is just a bit too high, since I'll never know when I'm actually wrenching another person's soul in the name of what I always thought would be good for that person. I don't have that kind of wisdom.
Ever heard someone say to you before that "misery loves company"? I think that's a very misleading statement. Don't get me wrong, I know exactly what its getting at, and I agree with the sentiment completely. But it's quite different from what I'm gonna be talking about.
I think... pain was never meant to be something shared. Its too personal, too exclusive to the person involved. My loss will never be understood by you, and your pain will always be seen on the outside by me. The best I'll be able to do is to share the burdens that your loss causes. Just like how you'll never be able to truly understand the depth of my pain, and where I'm coming from.
Happiness is so much easier to share, since its much easier to vicariously bask in someone else's' triumph, and partake of another's glory.
I finished reading the last Harry Potter book... and it just struck me that in a book that basically unraveled all the mysteries of the previous 6 books put together, the disclosures were mostly all about the hurt and pain that were borne alone by the different characters. Dumbledore, Snape and Harry – bound by a common tacit agreement between them that their suffering would not have been met agreeably by society – even those closest to them. Thus, instead of increasing their heavy burdens with the need to justify their hurts, it was the more practical and merciful option that they chose to hide it from everyone else.
There were plenty around them who helped to bear their burdens, especially Harry – for whom many died protecting him... but ultimately there's no denying that aside from Voldemort himself, the 3 loneliest characters in the book remain the 3 most pivotal characters of the entire series – Harry, Snape and Dumbledore.
My point being?
Maybe its that the last book leaves me with a lot of regrets... emotions stirred up by it, feeling sorry that we've more or less seen the last of Hogwarts and that lightning scar of the Boy-Who-Lived. Perhaps its just things that have happened around me that served as a trigger, both consciously as well as subconsciously. Or perhaps its just the weather turning a little dreary.
But anyway, it seems that even so many years after what has happened, and despite all that I've tried to say abt the issue, I've come to personally realize that other people will always be people on the outside looking in, with their own take on matters, devoid of the sort of personal experience that only I have. In fact, each time I mention it now, I become the victim once again, being castigated as one who has failed to move on. Much easier to keep it inside, since its not helping anyone anyway.
Worse thing is, I know that if the roles were reversed, I'd be doing the exact same thing, picking open another's scar, then pouring salt on the wound all over again. I know. I've done that. Rather than doing it to another again, I think I'd prefer sticking to sharing someone joy instead.
The price to pay for sharing one's burdens is just a bit too high, since I'll never know when I'm actually wrenching another person's soul in the name of what I always thought would be good for that person. I don't have that kind of wisdom.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Transformers!!!
Nopes. Nothing abt them amazing boyhood heroes of mine... but its really funny how the lyrics of the song for Henry and Bernice's wedding started and how it ended up...
Its a duet... blue is the male's part, red is the lady's part. Black means sing together.
Version 1:
你从缠绕丝弦中走来，像一把温柔低音，回旋在我心愿中
你从零乱音符里走来，如一首轻盈小调，萦绕在我守候里
终日祈求成韵，思念也成曲
每当我心中飘荡起 点点凌乱愁绪，总会落在你的表情里
每当我眉宇间凝着 一出小小悲剧，总会上演在你心里
但愿忧伤只是人生的小插曲
请你放心（女：我会放心），一生相守才是主旋律
我藏着一辈子的相思，
只为了这一天，我能把一辈子的相思都套在你的无名指；
我留着一辈子的心事，
只为了这一生，我能用一辈子的心事染白你的发丝
愿把袮放在心上如印记...
戴在臂上如戳记...
因爱永不止息
Penned by Weilun, of course... the first draft was so unreadable that even my mom was struggling a little with it... This was unilaterally rejected by all who read it as unfeasible... thus chasing Weilun back to the drawing block to come up with a new draft.
Version 2:
主啊，我感谢袮
袮不愿意看我在世孤单独处
袮创造她做我肉中肉骨中骨
我今把承诺套在她的无名指
从此我的姓氏就是她的名字
虽然未来有风雨
也有失意的小插曲
且让一生赞美袮
且让一世称谢袮
成为我俩人生的主旋律
主啊，我感谢袮
在我人生漫长空白的五线谱
袮让她成为美丽跳跃的音符
每次弹弄琴键是感恩的诗篇
每次拨动琴弦就诉说你恩典
纵然年岁如流沙
任凭这世界常变化
至于我和我的家
至于我和我的她
我们必定要事奉耶和华
This was seen as a much better improvement by those who read it, and so we provisionally acepted this draft. Weilun said he's not too satisfied with it, so he said he'll work on it some more and come up with his final draft.
Version 3:
袮说我独居不好需要个帮手
袮创造她做我骨中骨肉中肉
我今把承诺套在她的无名指
从此我的姓氏就是她的名字
袮牵我手悄然领我到他面前
他的惊喜牵动我初绽的眷恋
从此他把我放在心上如印记
亦如把我戴在臂上如戳记
仿佛凌乱的音符跃然成曲
爱不止息是一生的主旋律
每一次弹弄琴键是一首感恩的诗篇
每一次拨动琴弦是一段委身的誓言
袮深爱我们不离不弃
愿结为一体相随相依
纵然年岁稍纵即逝如流沙
任凭世界沧海桑田多变化
至于我和我的家
至于我和我的她
我们必定要事奉耶和华
So this was the final version that I was given by Weilun, before he left for China on a short trip.
We started writing the song after he's back, we worked on the melody together...and after trying damn hard to squeeze ths lyrics into a melody, we made some revisions here and there and this is the final product that we put up on 30th June 2007...
Final Version:
袮深爱我
袮说我独居不好需要个帮手
袮从我肋骨深处造她做我配偶
我今把承诺套在她无名指
从此我的姓氏就是她的名字
袮牵我手悄然领我到他面前
他的惊喜牵动我初绽的眷恋
从此他把我放心上如印记
亦如把我戴在臂上如戳记
袮深爱我们不离不弃
愿结为一体相随相依
纵然年岁稍纵即逝有如流沙
凭世间沧海桑田多变化
至于我和我的家
至于我和我的他
我们必定要事奉耶和华
仿佛凌乱的音符跃然成曲
爱不止息是一生的主旋律
Talk about Transformers...
Its a duet... blue is the male's part, red is the lady's part. Black means sing together.
Version 1:
你从缠绕丝弦中走来，像一把温柔低音，回旋在我心愿中
你从零乱音符里走来，如一首轻盈小调，萦绕在我守候里
终日祈求成韵，思念也成曲
每当我心中飘荡起 点点凌乱愁绪，总会落在你的表情里
每当我眉宇间凝着 一出小小悲剧，总会上演在你心里
但愿忧伤只是人生的小插曲
请你放心（女：我会放心），一生相守才是主旋律
我藏着一辈子的相思，
只为了这一天，我能把一辈子的相思都套在你的无名指；
我留着一辈子的心事，
只为了这一生，我能用一辈子的心事染白你的发丝
愿把袮放在心上如印记...
戴在臂上如戳记...
因爱永不止息
Penned by Weilun, of course... the first draft was so unreadable that even my mom was struggling a little with it... This was unilaterally rejected by all who read it as unfeasible... thus chasing Weilun back to the drawing block to come up with a new draft.
Version 2:
主啊，我感谢袮
袮不愿意看我在世孤单独处
袮创造她做我肉中肉骨中骨
我今把承诺套在她的无名指
从此我的姓氏就是她的名字
虽然未来有风雨
也有失意的小插曲
且让一生赞美袮
且让一世称谢袮
成为我俩人生的主旋律
主啊，我感谢袮
在我人生漫长空白的五线谱
袮让她成为美丽跳跃的音符
每次弹弄琴键是感恩的诗篇
每次拨动琴弦就诉说你恩典
纵然年岁如流沙
任凭这世界常变化
至于我和我的家
至于我和我的她
我们必定要事奉耶和华
This was seen as a much better improvement by those who read it, and so we provisionally acepted this draft. Weilun said he's not too satisfied with it, so he said he'll work on it some more and come up with his final draft.
Version 3:
袮说我独居不好需要个帮手
袮创造她做我骨中骨肉中肉
我今把承诺套在她的无名指
从此我的姓氏就是她的名字
袮牵我手悄然领我到他面前
他的惊喜牵动我初绽的眷恋
从此他把我放在心上如印记
亦如把我戴在臂上如戳记
仿佛凌乱的音符跃然成曲
爱不止息是一生的主旋律
每一次弹弄琴键是一首感恩的诗篇
每一次拨动琴弦是一段委身的誓言
袮深爱我们不离不弃
愿结为一体相随相依
纵然年岁稍纵即逝如流沙
任凭世界沧海桑田多变化
至于我和我的家
至于我和我的她
我们必定要事奉耶和华
So this was the final version that I was given by Weilun, before he left for China on a short trip.
We started writing the song after he's back, we worked on the melody together...and after trying damn hard to squeeze ths lyrics into a melody, we made some revisions here and there and this is the final product that we put up on 30th June 2007...
Final Version:
袮深爱我
袮说我独居不好需要个帮手
袮从我肋骨深处造她做我配偶
我今把承诺套在她无名指
从此我的姓氏就是她的名字
袮牵我手悄然领我到他面前
他的惊喜牵动我初绽的眷恋
从此他把我放心上如印记
亦如把我戴在臂上如戳记
袮深爱我们不离不弃
愿结为一体相随相依
纵然年岁稍纵即逝有如流沙
凭世间沧海桑田多变化
至于我和我的家
至于我和我的他
我们必定要事奉耶和华
仿佛凌乱的音符跃然成曲
爱不止息是一生的主旋律
Talk about Transformers...
Butterfly Brain
I just realized that with my pastor Lijuan's wedding this weekend, the prolonged spate of weddings in my church has finally come to a bit of close...
I always wanted to post abt Henry and Bernice's wedding 2 weeks ago, but never had any inspiration, and decided to postpone it instead of rambling.
But I'm still stuck. So I shall just commit such an event to the memory of this blog, and state that Henry and Bernice were married 2 weeks ago on the 30th of June 2007.
There.
Grins.
Ah well.
So there I was, thinking abt how glad I was that the weddings have finally come to an end... and how everyone can finally take a break and feel like they have more time to themselves over the weekends... and this song popped up into my head.
Butterfly Kisses
Bob Carlisle
There's two things I know for sure
She was sent here from heaven and she's Daddy's Little Girl
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes
And I thank God for all of the joy in my life
Oh but most of all
For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer
Sticking little white flowers all up in hair
"Walk beside the pony Daddy
It's my first ride
I know the cake looks funny Daddy
But I sure tried"
Oh with all that I've done wrong I must have done something right
To deserve a hug every morning and butterfly kisses at night
Sweet 16 today
She's looking like her momma a little more every day
One part woman the other part girl
To perfume and make-up ribbons and pearls
Trying her wings out in a great big world
But I remember
Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair
"You know how much I love you Daddy
But if you don't mind
I'm only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time"
With all that I've done wrong I must have done something right
To deserve her love every morning and butterfly kisses at night
All the precious time
Oh like the wind the years go by
Precious butterfly
Spread your wings and fly
She'll change her name today
She'll make a promise and I'll give her away
Standing in the bride room just staring at her
She asks me what I'm thinking and I said "I'm not sure
I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl"
Then she leaned over and gave me
Butterfly kisses with her momma there
Stickin’ little white flowers all up in her hair
"Walk me down the aisle Daddy
It's just about time
Does my wedding gown look pretty Daddy?
Daddy don't cry"
Oh with all that I've done wrong I must have done something right
To deserve her love every morning and butterfly kisses
I couldn't ask God for more than this is what love is
I know I've got to let her go
But I'll always remember every hug in the morning and butterfly kisses
I still can remember the first time I heard this song... Class 95's Morning Express was still hosted by Joe Agustine and the Flying Dutchman. And It was FD, I believe... who introduced this song when it first came out. He kept going on abt this new song he was gonna play later that totally took his breath away and left him in tears... I was in the car on my way to school. (That roughly makes this song 11 yrs old, actually... Hehz...) And so when it was finally played on the radio, it really moved me as well.
I always wanted to post abt Henry and Bernice's wedding 2 weeks ago, but never had any inspiration, and decided to postpone it instead of rambling.
But I'm still stuck. So I shall just commit such an event to the memory of this blog, and state that Henry and Bernice were married 2 weeks ago on the 30th of June 2007.
There.
Grins.
Ah well.
So there I was, thinking abt how glad I was that the weddings have finally come to an end... and how everyone can finally take a break and feel like they have more time to themselves over the weekends... and this song popped up into my head.
Butterfly Kisses
Bob Carlisle
There's two things I know for sure
She was sent here from heaven and she's Daddy's Little Girl
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes
And I thank God for all of the joy in my life
Oh but most of all
For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer
Sticking little white flowers all up in hair
"Walk beside the pony Daddy
It's my first ride
I know the cake looks funny Daddy
But I sure tried"
Oh with all that I've done wrong I must have done something right
To deserve a hug every morning and butterfly kisses at night
Sweet 16 today
She's looking like her momma a little more every day
One part woman the other part girl
To perfume and make-up ribbons and pearls
Trying her wings out in a great big world
But I remember
Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair
"You know how much I love you Daddy
But if you don't mind
I'm only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time"
With all that I've done wrong I must have done something right
To deserve her love every morning and butterfly kisses at night
All the precious time
Oh like the wind the years go by
Precious butterfly
Spread your wings and fly
She'll change her name today
She'll make a promise and I'll give her away
Standing in the bride room just staring at her
She asks me what I'm thinking and I said "I'm not sure
I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl"
Then she leaned over and gave me
Butterfly kisses with her momma there
Stickin’ little white flowers all up in her hair
"Walk me down the aisle Daddy
It's just about time
Does my wedding gown look pretty Daddy?
Daddy don't cry"
Oh with all that I've done wrong I must have done something right
To deserve her love every morning and butterfly kisses
I couldn't ask God for more than this is what love is
I know I've got to let her go
But I'll always remember every hug in the morning and butterfly kisses
I still can remember the first time I heard this song... Class 95's Morning Express was still hosted by Joe Agustine and the Flying Dutchman. And It was FD, I believe... who introduced this song when it first came out. He kept going on abt this new song he was gonna play later that totally took his breath away and left him in tears... I was in the car on my way to school. (That roughly makes this song 11 yrs old, actually... Hehz...) And so when it was finally played on the radio, it really moved me as well.
Not just because of the lyrics that were penned, but the fact that a father would actually write such a song for his daughter...
See, Bob Carlisle wrote this song for his daughter, to be used at her wedding. Thing is - he wrote this for her after she was born, and kept it until her wedding day to sing it. How many fathers do you know would do this for their daughters??? (I kept telling myself I wanna do something liddat... but looking at the only 2 songs I've ever written in my life so far, I'm guessing I should stay away from song-writing, if nothing else then for my daughter's sake. Hahahahaha...)
Anyway, this post is the result of a few factors... a desperate lack of sleep, my demented and senile father who has again gone ballistics on my poor suffering mom, and the weddings that are taking place. The lack of sleep obviously resulted in my malfunctioning brain drawing a link between the events, and thus lumping it all together.
Ah well.
If nothing else, enjoy this song, guys.
See, Bob Carlisle wrote this song for his daughter, to be used at her wedding. Thing is - he wrote this for her after she was born, and kept it until her wedding day to sing it. How many fathers do you know would do this for their daughters??? (I kept telling myself I wanna do something liddat... but looking at the only 2 songs I've ever written in my life so far, I'm guessing I should stay away from song-writing, if nothing else then for my daughter's sake. Hahahahaha...)
Anyway, this post is the result of a few factors... a desperate lack of sleep, my demented and senile father who has again gone ballistics on my poor suffering mom, and the weddings that are taking place. The lack of sleep obviously resulted in my malfunctioning brain drawing a link between the events, and thus lumping it all together.
Ah well.
If nothing else, enjoy this song, guys.
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