READ THIS B4 YOU DATE AGAIN PENG!!!

I've really enjoyed the last 2 days, going down to GCTC for this 2 nights talk by L.T. Jeyachandran, the excutive director of RZIM Singapore. I guess every now and then when my faith seems a little more hollow, I will need to be reminded again of what it is all about. Its been a really strange couple of days. Weixiu has gone to KL, Weimin and Enhan have been pretty pre-occupied with their r/s problems, Paul has also been swamped with work and r/s, and so all of a sudden the immediate circle of close friends I've had around me are not around. And ironically, having spent the last 3 days reminding both Weimin and Enhan that I never realised how much I lost until I no longer had someone I could call my own, whom I can claim a certain degree of exclusivity over and from, the truth just hits me all the harder at a time like this.

Yet out of such a situation, I've just spent today alone catching up Joel, Aaron, Angelina and Andrew Wang. Not to mention make a new friend in the talks (a third yr dentistry student called Ian), and also time with Sylvia yesterday, and hearing her talk abt her r/s with Johann, and how she's feeling a little uncomfortable with it right now.

I guess after whining abt how lonely I suddenly felt, God read my blog and decided to throw me an avalanche. Hehz... It really was nice catching up with Joel, and even Angelina, whom I still haven't really figured out. Andrew Wang is still just a little hard to fathom, it seems like he lives in a world of his own. Still, I genuinely like the guy, and I like to think he doesn't bear me any false friendship either.

And oh yeah, on top of the number of pple I spoke to in just this day, throw in the fact that I spent more than 2 hrs talking to Enhan as well. He was mostly talking abt his r/s with Weimin, so I took some time to hear him out. I guess at the end of the day, I see so much abt the 2 of them that reminds me of the mistakes me and Grace made. The resentment of one person asking for more time and the other not willing to give any more, getting caught up in a lot of secondary issues that ends up making both sides forget why they were together in the first place, or even the lack of any spiritual element in the r/s altogether.

Yet one thing that I cannot fathom is that Enhan so absolutely doesn't get Weimin at all, it absolutely blows my mind away. I think even Ben or Michael atually understands her better than her boyfriend does. Yet against the situation, she has stuck by him for the past 3 years and more. I guess I can appreciate the fact that there will be things abt the r/s that she doesn't want to let go of, or even doesn't dare to let go of. I can understand the fear of facing the hurt that would come with letting go of a lengthy r/s. All that I can appreciate, and empathize. But for my life, I cannot understand how the existence of such a r/s can be termed one of a strong commitment. One of the things I warned Weimin against very strongly was not letting contempt seep into the r/s. Mebbe not as strong a word as contempt, but the air of dismissal that comes with the total absence of expectations simply because she doesn't believe in him for anything more. Cos that was one of the most fatal blows that came into my r/s.

Syl labels it as a commitment, and Weimin herself also likes to think of it as her way of being committed. Of course, I won't comment on that to her, esp not at a time like this. But I can't help shuddering on the inside, that I could one day end up with a woman who totally has nothing that keeps me by her side save for that stubborn act of not letting go that she labels a commitment. And that's a really scary thought. Even more scary when I realised that Paul also just wrote abt how he didn't want to end up in a life without passion, like his parents. And I think a r/s held together by mere stubborn willpower ends up a lifeless thing.

Yet when I sit down and ask myself where I would draw the line between a commitment, and the discernment that its time to let go, I don't have a clue. I guess that's gonna be something I want to work out before I get into a new r/s.