There And Back Again

Back in school, and back again to that feeling of loneliness, and the feeling that its really still me against the world. Hey, I have lotsa friends, who even bother to actually message me, call me, and just generally check on me and look out for me. And for that I'm grateful. And it does help. Yet I guess its times like this when I sit down and realise that I'm still alone.

And I think a big part of that is having someone whom I can love, and show my love to.

There's a joy and a fullfilment that comes from being able to do something for that someone you love - a hug, a gesture, a word, a gift, a message... you name it. And to be able to drink in her smile, her gratitude, her appreciation - makes the time away easier to bear, knowing that just I'm thinking of her when we're apart, she'll also be thinking of me.

Sigh. So I'm either desperately tired from my lack of sleep, or else just generally very tired of being single. Hehz... yet its funny, since I keep swinging between the great appreciattion of being single and able to live my own life, and that sense of wonder at what am I supposed to do with so much time on my hands.

Lord, I need a girl who can give me my space, yet also can admit a need for me. A girl who can actually understand me in all the times when I'm too silly to just say what I mean, but rather decide to say the opposite. A girl who can both tell me off when I'm wrong, yet also pander enough to my ego to not put me down all the time. A girl who can say she loves me not for anything I possess or any attributes that I have, for otherwise then I'm surely dead. A girl... who basically does not exist... at least, not within my radar so far.

Sigh.

Why can't God just make the girl you're supposed to end up with end up living next door to you? Doesn't that make things so much easier?

Shit man. I'm seriously losing it here.