What's Left?

So here I am, more than a week passing since I finished two very very intense semesters that nearly took my life.

And with a whole tonne of things still ahead of me that I need to finish real soon, I’m instead choosing to just screw to all, and laze around doing nothing. Hehz… in the short run, at least.

Tomorrow is Rulin’s wedding. And to get into the mood, since I AM the emcee for both her church service as well as the wedding dinner, I re-watched two of my fav movies. “Closer”, starring the incredibly lovely Natalie Portman, as well as “Serendipity”, starring the English rose Kate Beckinsale. And it was quite a curious experience, watching the two side by side.

Serendipity speaks of a love so strong, that a chance meeting could bind two almost-strangers together until fate finally allowed them to end up together. And yet Closer portrays love as being so fragile that Natalie Portman’s character can go from absolutely in love to “I don’t love you anymore” in the space of an epiphany, while staying totally believable at the same time.

Funny how life itself can be so dichotomized, ain't it?

I guess the point is that its harder and harder to celebrate weddings for me. I mean, I can be happy for my friends. I really can. But that seems to be just about all I can do. There used to be a time where weddings would make me happy, and I would be energized while helping my friends out. Now, when I hear of weddings, or I help out in one, I have the emotional reaction the equivalent of buying the papers.

What makes such a realization so devastating is that less than a year ago, on the 17th of November 2008, I had posted an entry, where I said that I am banking on marriage as my last bastion of confidence. And now, I don’t even seem to have any zest for that.

Whatever the hell is happening to me?

Pls Lord, don’t let me end up as one of those bitter old men. I still wanna be someone who has a purpose and a passion in life. Something that I believe in, that gets me excited and makes me angry over.