Now that my exams are over, I’ve had a little more time to examine the season of Advent, which we’re supposed to be focusing on this time of the year.
Yesterday, as I was re-watching the latest version of the superman movie in the post-Christopher Reeves generation, one of the lines in the movie struck a very deep chord in me. I have no idea why it didn’t register when I first watched it 4 years ago, but this time round, it sure stayed with me.
Lois Lane, in the prolonged absence of Superman, had written a Pulitzer-winning article out of sheer pique, titled “Why the World Does Not Need Superman”.
So one fine day when Superman literally appeared out of the sky, he carried Lois Lane high up and right above the Metropolis, and asked her if she hears anything. Naturally, she doesn’t. And he says to her, that he does. He hears everything. Then he gives her the one liner that really screamed for my attention.
He said: “You wrote that the world doesn't need a savior, but every day I hear people crying for one.”
And it suddenly clicked in my mind, that what he just said summed up perfectly the spirit of Advent!! This is the season, where we are once more reminded that this world needs a savior, just as it needed a savior more than 2000 years ago.
I guess there is nothing in this life that we do not become numb to, at some point or another, unless we make the effort to especially retain its significance. And I think this season of the Advent, I have Superman to thank, for helping me to once again be reminded that the Advent is as real today as it was more than 2000 years ago. If nothing else, today we are more in need of a savior than we have ever been.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Crap Sunday
Today was the last service of the year. And it was the Christmas Message that was supposed to round off the Season of Advent, and usher in the new year. And maybe its because I had some higher expectations of my sunday service, that drove me to be so angry.
The passage today was Luke 2:25-35. Its about Simeon, and how he was the first to greet Jesus as the Messiah. What a great passage to be speaking on, to conclude the whole Season of Advent! That is, until my pastor somehow failed to get the memo, and seemingly missed the bigger picture.
He proceeded to give a sermon entitled "Your Time Is Now", and did nothing except deliver a Chicken Soup For The Soul session for 30 minutes. Some of his greatest hits include "Peter knew his moment had come, that's why he stepped out of the boat and walked out on to the water!". There was no scriptural referencing to the passage at all. Instead, he seemed to only have one point to make: "No manner how your life is shaping up to be, God still wants to bless and prosper you. AND YOUR TIME IS NOW. Are you willing to embrace THE MOMENT and respond to God?"
Never mind that there was neither any reference to the passage (He could have also read from the passage of Peter walking on water to deliver the same drivel), nor any reference at all to Christmas or the Advent. He seemed intent on merely stretching his one-point message as long as he could, with one out-of-context biblical example after another.
I know its Christmas, and I know he's dead tired. I should be more understanding. But I think even if he had opened up Matthew Henry's bible commentary and merely read from it, he'd have been 100% more faithful to the Word than he was this morning.
And I was musing to myself that my most likely course of action when I'm tired would be to seek out my comfort zone and count on stuff I'm good at to supplement my lack of time and energy to properly prepare. And if that was what he did, then I guess his Chicken Soup for the Soul message today only proves my point about how he doesn't really fancy the faithful exposition of the Word, but instead prefers the cosmetic exhortations that is more usually associated with more "liberal" churches.
I know I shouldn't be angry, but after all of us worked so hard to highlight the Advent, having this to end off the year leaves a very bitter taste in the mouth.
Monday, December 06, 2010
Wikileaks? What Problem?
A sudden idea that came into my head, inspired by how there are so many fake torrents that studios flood the web with, in order to deter users from downloading their media content.
Instead of trying so hard to pin allegations of rape on Assange, wouldn't it be so much easier for Governments to simply launch a massive misdirection campaign to discredit Wikileaks? Just hack into the website or create fake versions of Wikileaks with heaps of fake data, so that it actually loses credibility or public interest?
Grins.
Instead of trying so hard to pin allegations of rape on Assange, wouldn't it be so much easier for Governments to simply launch a massive misdirection campaign to discredit Wikileaks? Just hack into the website or create fake versions of Wikileaks with heaps of fake data, so that it actually loses credibility or public interest?
Grins.
Wednesday, December 01, 2010
Wikileaks Saga
The talk of the town for the past few days has been of Wikileaks, and how their release of a whole tonnage of US Govt cables has resulted in so much attention.
I wasn't so much interested in the content of the leak, as I was in the response people had towards the leaks. Predictably, there was the usual criticism by the parties that were affected or embarrassed by the leaks. Then there were those that supported Wikileaks, praising them for their efforts, and defending their actions by insisting that the Govt should be transparent in what they do. Most of the rest of us were just intrigued by the whole saga, being a bystander who absorbed whatever was being reported in the media, without actually coming out in support of it, or against it.
But here is where my own ideology comes into play: This is a perfect example of why I believe that democracy is not always the best option to pursue. I may be wrong, but I believe that it was Aristotle who said that the masses are like sheep, too stupid to know what's really good for them. Democracy assumes that everyone is perfectly capable of making good and socially responsible decisions, instead of selfish and irresponsible decisions. It supposes that everyone is able to think through situations, and come up with a sensible conclusion.
Of course we know that's not going to happen! Look at American Idol, for example. So often we look on with incredulity at how less talented performers advance whilst the more talented ones are the shock eliminations. When it simply becomes about the popular vote, and a case of "who is better at brainwashing", then the decision that results is seldom one that is sensible, right nor socially responsible.
Wikileaks might have been a good concept, albeit Utopianistic. Yet when it was acted upon, it became a double-edged tool. It brought to attention corruption that was hitherto covered up, highligted the need for humanitarian aid in some parts of the world, but also exposed a lot of people to harm's way. Naturally, the organisation takes a lot of credit for the good things done, but shirks responsibility towards any liabilities they cause. In the case of the Iraq War Diaries, they cleverly shifted the blame to Amnesty International, deflecting any blame at themselves towards them. When they were asked to censor names of personnel at at risk of losing their lives, they pushed the responsibility of doing so to a few organisations, and yet when these organisations didn't do so, they insist that they were therefore not responsible anymore for their own actions.
Yet such behavior is the ultimate result of democracy in action. People feel free to rid themselves of all social responsibility in the name of "freedom of expression". By condemning any form of censorship, they think they are therefore free to behave in any manner they please, as long as there is a group of people coming out in support of it. Any attempt at restricting its actions or behavior is inevitably met with some form of public disapproval, and since ALL public opinion counts, there is inevitably no sense of a "right behavior" anymore.
The implications of such a social system is frightening to behold. A world where right and wrong is relegated to relativity allows me to get away with anything, as long as I can convince enough people. Such a system will always be approved by men, since whatever restricts us the least is always the most attractive. Yet when we ourselves are on the receiving end of harm done to us, we will find out too late that we have become the victims of the system we helped create.
And that is exactly where the U.S. Govt finds itself right now.
Serves them right?
Maybe.
Its a relative opinion, after all.
I wasn't so much interested in the content of the leak, as I was in the response people had towards the leaks. Predictably, there was the usual criticism by the parties that were affected or embarrassed by the leaks. Then there were those that supported Wikileaks, praising them for their efforts, and defending their actions by insisting that the Govt should be transparent in what they do. Most of the rest of us were just intrigued by the whole saga, being a bystander who absorbed whatever was being reported in the media, without actually coming out in support of it, or against it.
But here is where my own ideology comes into play: This is a perfect example of why I believe that democracy is not always the best option to pursue. I may be wrong, but I believe that it was Aristotle who said that the masses are like sheep, too stupid to know what's really good for them. Democracy assumes that everyone is perfectly capable of making good and socially responsible decisions, instead of selfish and irresponsible decisions. It supposes that everyone is able to think through situations, and come up with a sensible conclusion.
Of course we know that's not going to happen! Look at American Idol, for example. So often we look on with incredulity at how less talented performers advance whilst the more talented ones are the shock eliminations. When it simply becomes about the popular vote, and a case of "who is better at brainwashing", then the decision that results is seldom one that is sensible, right nor socially responsible.
Wikileaks might have been a good concept, albeit Utopianistic. Yet when it was acted upon, it became a double-edged tool. It brought to attention corruption that was hitherto covered up, highligted the need for humanitarian aid in some parts of the world, but also exposed a lot of people to harm's way. Naturally, the organisation takes a lot of credit for the good things done, but shirks responsibility towards any liabilities they cause. In the case of the Iraq War Diaries, they cleverly shifted the blame to Amnesty International, deflecting any blame at themselves towards them. When they were asked to censor names of personnel at at risk of losing their lives, they pushed the responsibility of doing so to a few organisations, and yet when these organisations didn't do so, they insist that they were therefore not responsible anymore for their own actions.
Yet such behavior is the ultimate result of democracy in action. People feel free to rid themselves of all social responsibility in the name of "freedom of expression". By condemning any form of censorship, they think they are therefore free to behave in any manner they please, as long as there is a group of people coming out in support of it. Any attempt at restricting its actions or behavior is inevitably met with some form of public disapproval, and since ALL public opinion counts, there is inevitably no sense of a "right behavior" anymore.
The implications of such a social system is frightening to behold. A world where right and wrong is relegated to relativity allows me to get away with anything, as long as I can convince enough people. Such a system will always be approved by men, since whatever restricts us the least is always the most attractive. Yet when we ourselves are on the receiving end of harm done to us, we will find out too late that we have become the victims of the system we helped create.
And that is exactly where the U.S. Govt finds itself right now.
Serves them right?
Maybe.
Its a relative opinion, after all.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
How Now, Brown Cow?
Lately the topic about church keeps creeping up. So I’m using this space as an avenue to straighten my thoughts.
The church needs to distinguish itself from being a mere social gathering. Sometimes, we tend to borrow things from our work and from social events, thinking that there are some very useful skills/methods we can employ, that will be of help. And they’re really helpful. Sometimes, so much so that we end up forgetting we need to be more than merely a social gathering.
What’s the difference? Its all about the motor that drives the vehicle.
Right now, I see a lot of programs being organized. Attendance is dropping? We’ll organize gatherings, have tea refreshments, celebrate events, have camps, do outreach. Lots of programs. We think that by implementing the right system, the problem is solved. Then when nothing much changes, we put the blame on the system, or the implementation. So we try even harder, come up with better programs, newer activities, increase the budget, and rally more.
My take? There’s nothing wrong with the program. The problem is with the motivating factor.
All this while, NOBODY would contest the statement that it is the Word of God that gives life to the church. After all, who could be THAT stupid?? We all know that is true!! Yet we seem to suffer from chronic blindness when we are running our ministries. We spend a lot of time equipping our people in skills or ministry, and hardly any time at all in nurturing people to grow in the Word. The two most common platforms for teaching – the pulpit and the life group, have been mostly reduced to pep talk sessions, where we don’t ground people in the Word of God, merely in the “10 steps to being an effective Christian”.
Instead of teaching, we merely equip.
(Just to further distinguish the two – When we equip someone, the implication is that we are preparing someone to DO the work. When we teach and nurture someone, we are giving the people the ENERGY to do the work. So do the math, and you’ll see that equipping is seldom the problem. People with energy will find ways to equip themselves. People with no energy won’t move even with the best equipment.)
Sure, we have Sunday school. But how do you convince the congregation that the Word is central, when we so blatantly marginalize it on the pulpit and in our life groups? In fact, if we did a word count of everything said on the pulpit, we’ll find that we spend more time pushing programs, than emphasizing the importance of God’s Word. Its almost as if we have an attitude where we take it for granted that the Word is most important, so we ignore it and just go straight to our agendas.
Its no wonder that people don’t respond when we rally them to serve. They have nothing in them to give!! We don’t feed them properly, leaving them malnourished. Then without a proper support system in place, we spend all our resources trying to invite more people into church where they proceed to tax the system further. To borrow an analogy from the finance sector, its akin to living life on credit when expenditure dramatically outweighs income. Someday, the whole market is going to crash, and there will be hell to pay.
Its been three years now, since we’ve been pushing for better support and structure for the life group ministry. We have a few groups in crisis-state. Our leaders are always left to fend for themselves, and nothing much has been done at all. Instead, we channel our energies on the new church building, on missions, on Life Games, on events, and think that by having all these other activities, we can paper over the cracks that are staring at us in the face.
The saddest thing is, we’ve become so far lost, that we don’t even know what the real deal looks like anymore. That’s why nobody knows how to address the problem. Its like the time when we dissolved youth fellowship for a few years, and totally lost the culture. The tragedy that resulted was having something so precious lost, and even till now, the youths never did manage to regain what was once there. I’m afraid that it’s the same thing happening now to us with regards to the Word. Nobody knows anymore what its like to have a Word-centered congregation. Nobody seems to know how to build such a congregation anymore. So we make feeble attempts at addressing the problem (e.g., using DVDS to supplement the teaching in life groups, have Sunday school to compensate for the lack of teaching…), and then go back again to the comforts of doing what we’re comfortable with – programs.
And I’m also equally lost as to how to go about it. The best face I can place on what I’m feeling now, is to call it what Bill Hybels labels as a “Holy Discontent”. Of course, maybe its just me being a complain king. But I do believe that this is the key to reviving our congregation. I think what we really need now is a King Josiah, someone who restores the centrality of the Word to its primary place. Only then can there be genuine repentance, and only then will the Lord find favor with us.
Of course, if I were to raise this matter up to the leadership, I will be told that things are not that simple. And as much as I used to scorn such an answer, I’ve come to know that they’re just being honest. Life presents just so many variables that nothing is as clear-cut as we make it out to be. As if I’m not in their shoes, its unfair of me to just sit where I am and point fingers.
But that brings us back again to square one. How now, brown cow?
The church needs to distinguish itself from being a mere social gathering. Sometimes, we tend to borrow things from our work and from social events, thinking that there are some very useful skills/methods we can employ, that will be of help. And they’re really helpful. Sometimes, so much so that we end up forgetting we need to be more than merely a social gathering.
What’s the difference? Its all about the motor that drives the vehicle.
Right now, I see a lot of programs being organized. Attendance is dropping? We’ll organize gatherings, have tea refreshments, celebrate events, have camps, do outreach. Lots of programs. We think that by implementing the right system, the problem is solved. Then when nothing much changes, we put the blame on the system, or the implementation. So we try even harder, come up with better programs, newer activities, increase the budget, and rally more.
My take? There’s nothing wrong with the program. The problem is with the motivating factor.
All this while, NOBODY would contest the statement that it is the Word of God that gives life to the church. After all, who could be THAT stupid?? We all know that is true!! Yet we seem to suffer from chronic blindness when we are running our ministries. We spend a lot of time equipping our people in skills or ministry, and hardly any time at all in nurturing people to grow in the Word. The two most common platforms for teaching – the pulpit and the life group, have been mostly reduced to pep talk sessions, where we don’t ground people in the Word of God, merely in the “10 steps to being an effective Christian”.
Instead of teaching, we merely equip.
(Just to further distinguish the two – When we equip someone, the implication is that we are preparing someone to DO the work. When we teach and nurture someone, we are giving the people the ENERGY to do the work. So do the math, and you’ll see that equipping is seldom the problem. People with energy will find ways to equip themselves. People with no energy won’t move even with the best equipment.)
Sure, we have Sunday school. But how do you convince the congregation that the Word is central, when we so blatantly marginalize it on the pulpit and in our life groups? In fact, if we did a word count of everything said on the pulpit, we’ll find that we spend more time pushing programs, than emphasizing the importance of God’s Word. Its almost as if we have an attitude where we take it for granted that the Word is most important, so we ignore it and just go straight to our agendas.
Its no wonder that people don’t respond when we rally them to serve. They have nothing in them to give!! We don’t feed them properly, leaving them malnourished. Then without a proper support system in place, we spend all our resources trying to invite more people into church where they proceed to tax the system further. To borrow an analogy from the finance sector, its akin to living life on credit when expenditure dramatically outweighs income. Someday, the whole market is going to crash, and there will be hell to pay.
Its been three years now, since we’ve been pushing for better support and structure for the life group ministry. We have a few groups in crisis-state. Our leaders are always left to fend for themselves, and nothing much has been done at all. Instead, we channel our energies on the new church building, on missions, on Life Games, on events, and think that by having all these other activities, we can paper over the cracks that are staring at us in the face.
The saddest thing is, we’ve become so far lost, that we don’t even know what the real deal looks like anymore. That’s why nobody knows how to address the problem. Its like the time when we dissolved youth fellowship for a few years, and totally lost the culture. The tragedy that resulted was having something so precious lost, and even till now, the youths never did manage to regain what was once there. I’m afraid that it’s the same thing happening now to us with regards to the Word. Nobody knows anymore what its like to have a Word-centered congregation. Nobody seems to know how to build such a congregation anymore. So we make feeble attempts at addressing the problem (e.g., using DVDS to supplement the teaching in life groups, have Sunday school to compensate for the lack of teaching…), and then go back again to the comforts of doing what we’re comfortable with – programs.
And I’m also equally lost as to how to go about it. The best face I can place on what I’m feeling now, is to call it what Bill Hybels labels as a “Holy Discontent”. Of course, maybe its just me being a complain king. But I do believe that this is the key to reviving our congregation. I think what we really need now is a King Josiah, someone who restores the centrality of the Word to its primary place. Only then can there be genuine repentance, and only then will the Lord find favor with us.
Of course, if I were to raise this matter up to the leadership, I will be told that things are not that simple. And as much as I used to scorn such an answer, I’ve come to know that they’re just being honest. Life presents just so many variables that nothing is as clear-cut as we make it out to be. As if I’m not in their shoes, its unfair of me to just sit where I am and point fingers.
But that brings us back again to square one. How now, brown cow?
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Turbulence
Recently there’s been a lot of opportunity to examine the leadership in church, as we discuss how and what we’re going to do about the chronic stagnation we find ourselves in.
On reflection of everything that was said during that time, I was surprised at how much anger and resentment I found with a lot of the leadership decisions that have been made. I know its easy to target people, and blame it all on Hong Li, the Executive Committee, or even the Elder Board. And I know I’m probably at least half right in the things that I said. But the shooting gallery is always where the cheapest seats are.
Maybe I’m just too much of a greenhorn to know the whole big picture. Maybe that’s really why nobody listens to what I have to say. After all, empty vessels make the most noise. They say that politicians campaign in poetry, and govern in prose. So maybe if I think more in prose instead of poetry, I’d be able to accept the direction that our church is currently heading in. So maybe the real reason why nobody feels the way I do, has to do with me.
Why should anyone listen to a 31 yr old who still hasn’t graduated, who has made a mess of his life, and who until now still hasn’t made anything much out of his whole existence? How dare he talk big, and criticize those who have accomplished so much more than him? How dare he claim to know better, to see clearer, and have the right solution for the complexities of the problems now plaguing the church?
Would I be doing the right thing if I stop making so much noise, and stop being so negative? Would it help more if I start being more positive in my feedback? I’ve always felt that people who only say good things, are ultimately contributing to potentially fatal blind spots. Yet perhaps by comparison, that would still be more helpful than the criticisms that I’ve been making.
What’s the point of giving feedback to people who aren’t interested in listening anyway? People who patronize you when you give your point of view, and who then privately mark you as a dissenter. Perhaps all this while, Henry was the smart one, like so many before him. Just walk away, if you’re not keen on sinking with the ship.
I want to help change things. I really do. And I think even though I may not have been the most hardworking or long suffering member of the church, I have given my fair share of endeavor. But when the leadership paradigm is so fixated on things that I fundamentally disagree with, it is so hard to endorse their leadership. Even harder to offer support and to sweat blood towards it. In Bill Hybels’ words, I’m more like a hired help now, rather than a shepherd.
So I’m again earnestly praying for directions. Asking that either God shows me what else I can do, or where else I can go. Or to otherwise learn anew the practice of submission, knowing that the bigger picture is of me submitting to His will, not anyone else’s.
On reflection of everything that was said during that time, I was surprised at how much anger and resentment I found with a lot of the leadership decisions that have been made. I know its easy to target people, and blame it all on Hong Li, the Executive Committee, or even the Elder Board. And I know I’m probably at least half right in the things that I said. But the shooting gallery is always where the cheapest seats are.
Maybe I’m just too much of a greenhorn to know the whole big picture. Maybe that’s really why nobody listens to what I have to say. After all, empty vessels make the most noise. They say that politicians campaign in poetry, and govern in prose. So maybe if I think more in prose instead of poetry, I’d be able to accept the direction that our church is currently heading in. So maybe the real reason why nobody feels the way I do, has to do with me.
Why should anyone listen to a 31 yr old who still hasn’t graduated, who has made a mess of his life, and who until now still hasn’t made anything much out of his whole existence? How dare he talk big, and criticize those who have accomplished so much more than him? How dare he claim to know better, to see clearer, and have the right solution for the complexities of the problems now plaguing the church?
Would I be doing the right thing if I stop making so much noise, and stop being so negative? Would it help more if I start being more positive in my feedback? I’ve always felt that people who only say good things, are ultimately contributing to potentially fatal blind spots. Yet perhaps by comparison, that would still be more helpful than the criticisms that I’ve been making.
What’s the point of giving feedback to people who aren’t interested in listening anyway? People who patronize you when you give your point of view, and who then privately mark you as a dissenter. Perhaps all this while, Henry was the smart one, like so many before him. Just walk away, if you’re not keen on sinking with the ship.
I want to help change things. I really do. And I think even though I may not have been the most hardworking or long suffering member of the church, I have given my fair share of endeavor. But when the leadership paradigm is so fixated on things that I fundamentally disagree with, it is so hard to endorse their leadership. Even harder to offer support and to sweat blood towards it. In Bill Hybels’ words, I’m more like a hired help now, rather than a shepherd.
So I’m again earnestly praying for directions. Asking that either God shows me what else I can do, or where else I can go. Or to otherwise learn anew the practice of submission, knowing that the bigger picture is of me submitting to His will, not anyone else’s.
Friday, November 12, 2010
About a week ago...
Baby Aaron was born!!!
He has a lot of potential to look as dashing as his uncle...
=)
Happy Birthday, buddy!!!
Monday, November 08, 2010
Updates
This blog has again gone through a long period without any blue moons. Which is why I think its time for an update. Not much of significance has happened in recent months, save two worth mentioning. One was an incident that took place during Sunday service, which Bill Hybels coined as a “this is church” moment, the other being a wedding.
About a month ago, All Saints Prebyterian Church, an English speaking church that worships in the basement of the Bible House, approached us half an hour before service started with a problem of theirs: the air conditioning had broken down, which made Sunday service a very discouraging prospect. Their service is at 10, whilst ours starts at 930 (though I SWEAR many in our congregation thinks it starts at 10).
Anyway, within an amazingly short space of time, we ironed out everything, and the entire All Saints Presbyterian Church congregation duly trooped into our sanctuary, and we pulled off a surprisingly smooth bilingual service. All this from a church that usually take 3 months of deliberation to approve a minor budget adjustment!! I was so proud of my church that day, for the graciousness that we displayed, and also the fact that we were able to pull off the whole thing so well.
Actually, my emotional reaction caught me off guard. I could not figure out why I would make such a big deal out of a seemingly straightforward event, albeit a good one. Then I realized that it might have something to do with just how little I’ve come to expect from the church, that when something like that generates a bit of warmth, I am so moved by what I witnessed. Secondly, I realized it was nostalgia. The whole feeling where as a body we worked together and saw God’s work being done. It has been so long since I last felt/experienced something like that.
I went home feeling just that little bit recharged that day, having been given a physical reminder YET AGAIN of just how much good God can bring out of what I perceive as mere rubble. It seems that despite so many sermons preached on Nehemiah this year, I was still persisting in seeing rubble as nothing more than that. I guess God wanted to give me a more tangible lesson to learn.
The second event worth noting is that Weifeng and Peishan were finally married!!!! It was a very sweet and slightly unconventional wedding, but it bore all the trademarks of both of them: stylish yet understated. No fuss, but a lot of thought had evidently gone into the planning.
So, even though the two of them will probably never read this, kudos to JT and PS for a smash hit wedding!!!
About a month ago, All Saints Prebyterian Church, an English speaking church that worships in the basement of the Bible House, approached us half an hour before service started with a problem of theirs: the air conditioning had broken down, which made Sunday service a very discouraging prospect. Their service is at 10, whilst ours starts at 930 (though I SWEAR many in our congregation thinks it starts at 10).
Anyway, within an amazingly short space of time, we ironed out everything, and the entire All Saints Presbyterian Church congregation duly trooped into our sanctuary, and we pulled off a surprisingly smooth bilingual service. All this from a church that usually take 3 months of deliberation to approve a minor budget adjustment!! I was so proud of my church that day, for the graciousness that we displayed, and also the fact that we were able to pull off the whole thing so well.
Actually, my emotional reaction caught me off guard. I could not figure out why I would make such a big deal out of a seemingly straightforward event, albeit a good one. Then I realized that it might have something to do with just how little I’ve come to expect from the church, that when something like that generates a bit of warmth, I am so moved by what I witnessed. Secondly, I realized it was nostalgia. The whole feeling where as a body we worked together and saw God’s work being done. It has been so long since I last felt/experienced something like that.
I went home feeling just that little bit recharged that day, having been given a physical reminder YET AGAIN of just how much good God can bring out of what I perceive as mere rubble. It seems that despite so many sermons preached on Nehemiah this year, I was still persisting in seeing rubble as nothing more than that. I guess God wanted to give me a more tangible lesson to learn.
The second event worth noting is that Weifeng and Peishan were finally married!!!! It was a very sweet and slightly unconventional wedding, but it bore all the trademarks of both of them: stylish yet understated. No fuss, but a lot of thought had evidently gone into the planning.
So, even though the two of them will probably never read this, kudos to JT and PS for a smash hit wedding!!!
Friday, September 24, 2010
Huh??
Random thoughts at 12:30 in the morning.
What if I go to bed and don’t wake up?
I miss the old kind of playgrounds that I had in my neighborhood when I was 10.
I should have jogged more this week.
Even if there was a cure for my procrastination, I’d probably never get down to actually curing it.
There’s so many jobs I’d have loved to given a try at, and being a counselor would surprisingly have been one of them.
I miss my dad’s old Toyota.
And I REALLY REALLY miss my dog. (I still think I should have dug up the urn containing his ashes when we moved house.)
I think sentimentality is my greatest and most annoying trait and weakness.
I’m failing miserably in my ambition to finish reading a book every 2 months.
I need to be more disciplined in my quiet time and scripture memory. Right now, its erm… not really in existence. Guess the good news is that only way is up.
Whatever happened to the companies that made OHPs and transparencies? Did they many of them suddenly go bust?
I think I’m a terribly unattractive man who has grossly overestimated my ability to be charming and likeable. And my ego has just chosen to reject that statement as being true.
I seem to have hit my quota of movies. All I’m nowadays interested in doing is to watch re-runs. An age thing, maybe?
I haven’t had prata since forever. Ugh. Then why the hell am I still so fat? No wait. Ah yes, it’s the durians. And the damn mooncakes.
I’m beginning to think that I’m not really a techie sort of guy. I can’t rattle of tech specs like many of them do. I’m more of a rave-abt-tech guy, whose thrill is more in wanting to buy it, than actually going ahead to own it.
Somehow, as much as I know bitching abt people is not a very church-leader thing to do, there’s a part of me that loves the hypocrisy of slamming someone here, then offering my brightest smile when I bump into him/her.
Why is it so hard for me to just go lie down on the damn bed and try to sleep?
Yes, I’m having trouble sleeping tonight.
What if I go to bed and don’t wake up?
I miss the old kind of playgrounds that I had in my neighborhood when I was 10.
I should have jogged more this week.
Even if there was a cure for my procrastination, I’d probably never get down to actually curing it.
There’s so many jobs I’d have loved to given a try at, and being a counselor would surprisingly have been one of them.
I miss my dad’s old Toyota.
And I REALLY REALLY miss my dog. (I still think I should have dug up the urn containing his ashes when we moved house.)
I think sentimentality is my greatest and most annoying trait and weakness.
I’m failing miserably in my ambition to finish reading a book every 2 months.
I need to be more disciplined in my quiet time and scripture memory. Right now, its erm… not really in existence. Guess the good news is that only way is up.
Whatever happened to the companies that made OHPs and transparencies? Did they many of them suddenly go bust?
I think I’m a terribly unattractive man who has grossly overestimated my ability to be charming and likeable. And my ego has just chosen to reject that statement as being true.
I seem to have hit my quota of movies. All I’m nowadays interested in doing is to watch re-runs. An age thing, maybe?
I haven’t had prata since forever. Ugh. Then why the hell am I still so fat? No wait. Ah yes, it’s the durians. And the damn mooncakes.
I’m beginning to think that I’m not really a techie sort of guy. I can’t rattle of tech specs like many of them do. I’m more of a rave-abt-tech guy, whose thrill is more in wanting to buy it, than actually going ahead to own it.
Somehow, as much as I know bitching abt people is not a very church-leader thing to do, there’s a part of me that loves the hypocrisy of slamming someone here, then offering my brightest smile when I bump into him/her.
Why is it so hard for me to just go lie down on the damn bed and try to sleep?
Yes, I’m having trouble sleeping tonight.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
What's In A Name?
Just the other day as I was with a friend, we started talking about a common friend we had, and we laughed as we jokingly wondered why we bother still remaining friends with someone like him.
I guess that thought festered in me.
I started thinking about the institution of friendship, and just how haphazard it is. What exactly prompts/drives us to take up someone as a friend, and what exactly would it take to cause the opposite reaction?
I mean, the label itself can be so ambiguous. Afterall, ANYONE can be a “friend”. Some use it as a greeting “Hello, friend”, the same way someone else might go “Hello, stranger”. On the flipside, there are those others who go to great lengths to differentiate their friends. They have “acquaintances”, “casual friends”, “church friends”, “school friends”, “colleague friends”, “best friends”, and some whackos even have a category they coined as “top of the world friend”. (No, I’m serious!!)
Where do we learn all these stuff from? Take a look at the namelist in your handphone. Would you consider those inside your friends? How do you draw the line?
And what about those people you would describe as “we were once friends”? It could imply everything from a fallout to merely losing touch. Or, in most cases, it was a deliberate choice to drop the friendship, hence the losing touch. We would admit that in these cases, there is such a strong contingency of biasness at work. The things we readily forgive in someone are absolutely unforgivable in another.
I say all these not to raise rhetorical questions in the hope of sounding smart. In fact, I know how silly this all sounds. But they say that before 20, you collect friends, at 30 you sort out those you wanna keep, and after 40, you work at keeping those friends. So even though I’ve dropped the ball quite a bit in recent years with regards to friends, I’m at the point in time where I am wondering how I should be sorting out my friends.
And this whole “friends” business is just so slippery! I mean, everyone knows what a friend is (duh), but try defining what it means to you. The minute you come up with a definition, I PROMISE you, that there will surely be a friend in your list that contradicts your definition. Unless, of course, you only have, say, 5 people on that list. OR that you have a super-duper generic definition, like “a friend is someone I know.” (In which case, Lee Kuan Yew would qualify as a friend, even though technically it is an extremely one-sided friendship.)
I’m beginning to think that the best place to start with friendship is with “Permission”. If I choose to permit it, the worst kind of friend that only exploits you, stands you up on appointments, and never calls you first, will continue to remain a friend. And I have also in my rare moments rejected a friendship that was offered, since I don’t really like the person in question.
And of course, this is a deliberation that swings both ways. I also have had friends who seem to have deliberately chosen to drop me from their life. Friends whom I have asked out for catch up, who rain-checks me for 30 times in a row, and never calls again. Friends who have gotten married and then sends out the impression that he’s too busy with kids, family and work. Friends who have gone overseas then gone missing. Most of the time, it is easily accepted and becomes a mutual agreement to call time on that friendship. But there are times when it does hurt, when I thought we had something that was stronger. It left me wondering where did I misread the signals, and embarked on a one-sided friendship, or what had happened that I had missed which changed things?
Still, I guess I’m glad for those that have still stuck around. I have talked, in this blog, about friends that I have missed, and those that I have chosen to. And so naturally, the sentiment was either one of nostalgia, or disappointment and even anger. Yet this would be more of a time to celebrate and give thanks for the friends that are still sticking around in my life. Many of whom I only meet up with one or twice a year, but for whom I still bear a certain amount of affection for our shared experiences in the past.
With any luck, when I turn 40, and if this blog is still around, I would have something new to say, and would appear less confused about this thing called friendship.
I guess that thought festered in me.
I started thinking about the institution of friendship, and just how haphazard it is. What exactly prompts/drives us to take up someone as a friend, and what exactly would it take to cause the opposite reaction?
I mean, the label itself can be so ambiguous. Afterall, ANYONE can be a “friend”. Some use it as a greeting “Hello, friend”, the same way someone else might go “Hello, stranger”. On the flipside, there are those others who go to great lengths to differentiate their friends. They have “acquaintances”, “casual friends”, “church friends”, “school friends”, “colleague friends”, “best friends”, and some whackos even have a category they coined as “top of the world friend”. (No, I’m serious!!)
Where do we learn all these stuff from? Take a look at the namelist in your handphone. Would you consider those inside your friends? How do you draw the line?
And what about those people you would describe as “we were once friends”? It could imply everything from a fallout to merely losing touch. Or, in most cases, it was a deliberate choice to drop the friendship, hence the losing touch. We would admit that in these cases, there is such a strong contingency of biasness at work. The things we readily forgive in someone are absolutely unforgivable in another.
I say all these not to raise rhetorical questions in the hope of sounding smart. In fact, I know how silly this all sounds. But they say that before 20, you collect friends, at 30 you sort out those you wanna keep, and after 40, you work at keeping those friends. So even though I’ve dropped the ball quite a bit in recent years with regards to friends, I’m at the point in time where I am wondering how I should be sorting out my friends.
And this whole “friends” business is just so slippery! I mean, everyone knows what a friend is (duh), but try defining what it means to you. The minute you come up with a definition, I PROMISE you, that there will surely be a friend in your list that contradicts your definition. Unless, of course, you only have, say, 5 people on that list. OR that you have a super-duper generic definition, like “a friend is someone I know.” (In which case, Lee Kuan Yew would qualify as a friend, even though technically it is an extremely one-sided friendship.)
I’m beginning to think that the best place to start with friendship is with “Permission”. If I choose to permit it, the worst kind of friend that only exploits you, stands you up on appointments, and never calls you first, will continue to remain a friend. And I have also in my rare moments rejected a friendship that was offered, since I don’t really like the person in question.
And of course, this is a deliberation that swings both ways. I also have had friends who seem to have deliberately chosen to drop me from their life. Friends whom I have asked out for catch up, who rain-checks me for 30 times in a row, and never calls again. Friends who have gotten married and then sends out the impression that he’s too busy with kids, family and work. Friends who have gone overseas then gone missing. Most of the time, it is easily accepted and becomes a mutual agreement to call time on that friendship. But there are times when it does hurt, when I thought we had something that was stronger. It left me wondering where did I misread the signals, and embarked on a one-sided friendship, or what had happened that I had missed which changed things?
Still, I guess I’m glad for those that have still stuck around. I have talked, in this blog, about friends that I have missed, and those that I have chosen to. And so naturally, the sentiment was either one of nostalgia, or disappointment and even anger. Yet this would be more of a time to celebrate and give thanks for the friends that are still sticking around in my life. Many of whom I only meet up with one or twice a year, but for whom I still bear a certain amount of affection for our shared experiences in the past.
With any luck, when I turn 40, and if this blog is still around, I would have something new to say, and would appear less confused about this thing called friendship.
Tuesday, September 07, 2010
God of Wonders
This Saturday will mark a milestone in our church, with the official opening ceremony of the Bible House. And yet I approach the event with such conflicting emotions, that I question if its just me (I can never be satisfied), or if there really are problems that I should rightly be unhappy about.
I used to say that “Lethargy is our liturgy” as a cute little jingle. Now, its becoming a very sadly tiring reality, with nothing cute about it left. I get really angry sometimes, thinking about the number of people around me in church who sit blithely by while there’s so much they could do.
Am I taking it too personally? Am I wrong to be so angry? I mean, I’m having so much difficulty finding people who are willing to just manage the powerpoint slides. How difficult can it be to reach 15 minutes before service, or to learn how to do it? I wish they could hear their own lame excuses as they politely decline, thinking there’s always someone else to do the work.
Or scripture reading. Hong Li even has to read the scriptures on occasion, since we can’t find anyone willing to step up. I bet a lot more of them will step up to give a Chinese business presentation if their boss asks them to. But if the church is asking, then they suddenly can’t muster enough effort to try. The lame excuses about how their Chinese isn’t up to standard sounds more like “I’m afraid to lose face in front of everyone if I read something wrongly. And that’s a lot more important that availing myself to God”. Sheesh!
How about worship leading? I admit that it’s a quirk I have, but I feel we need to be very careful with who we set up on the stage for worship leading. Just because you can sing doesn’t mean you are a worshipper. And since the worship leader is essentially a “lead worshipper”, how can you set such a low benchmark when selecting worship leaders? Of course, I now sound like I’ve set myself up on a pedestal. And yes, I know none of us are worthy. But I think certain criterias such as regular and faithful attendance of service, responsibility to fulfill the roster arrangements and availability to attend worship team activities are a very minimal criteria. Tragically, many of us treat worship leading as just a “thing” to get over and done with on Sunday. And so I’ve had many worship leaders who came and left in the past, and now there’s only me, Serene and Hong Li left.
I know I do my fair share of bitching and moaning also about what’s inadequate with the church. But as I told John before, there’s a difference between complaining to another who is stuck in the mud also, as opposed to one who stands on the side and just points. So many times I hear people come to me with seemingly “constructive” and well-meaning advice. Yet essentially, all they’re saying is “YOU go do it. I’ve OBSERVED the problem. Now YOU go solve it so I can reap the rewards.”
(Takes a deep breath.)
Of course, pulling it all in, the sheer weight of problems that I see in the church only causes me to marvel more at how everything is somehow still holding together. It can only be the Providence of God, keeping watch over His church. It tells me that this is indeed a very special place, one which God has been exceedingly gracious towards.
The way we stumbled from one crisis into another, yet still manage to have come so far, is what keeps me going. Like how everything invariably goes wrong on a mission trip yet God makes something good out of it, I likewise find myself strangely encouraged at the end of the day. After the anger subsides, I am left to again marvel at how God makes miracles everyday out of the broken and unworthy. I look back in sadness at those who have given up and left this church or left God, and wonder what at what it could have been had they still been around.
Yet I cling to the three things I’ve learnt – God is good, He is in control, and He will bring it to pass.
I used to say that “Lethargy is our liturgy” as a cute little jingle. Now, its becoming a very sadly tiring reality, with nothing cute about it left. I get really angry sometimes, thinking about the number of people around me in church who sit blithely by while there’s so much they could do.
Am I taking it too personally? Am I wrong to be so angry? I mean, I’m having so much difficulty finding people who are willing to just manage the powerpoint slides. How difficult can it be to reach 15 minutes before service, or to learn how to do it? I wish they could hear their own lame excuses as they politely decline, thinking there’s always someone else to do the work.
Or scripture reading. Hong Li even has to read the scriptures on occasion, since we can’t find anyone willing to step up. I bet a lot more of them will step up to give a Chinese business presentation if their boss asks them to. But if the church is asking, then they suddenly can’t muster enough effort to try. The lame excuses about how their Chinese isn’t up to standard sounds more like “I’m afraid to lose face in front of everyone if I read something wrongly. And that’s a lot more important that availing myself to God”. Sheesh!
How about worship leading? I admit that it’s a quirk I have, but I feel we need to be very careful with who we set up on the stage for worship leading. Just because you can sing doesn’t mean you are a worshipper. And since the worship leader is essentially a “lead worshipper”, how can you set such a low benchmark when selecting worship leaders? Of course, I now sound like I’ve set myself up on a pedestal. And yes, I know none of us are worthy. But I think certain criterias such as regular and faithful attendance of service, responsibility to fulfill the roster arrangements and availability to attend worship team activities are a very minimal criteria. Tragically, many of us treat worship leading as just a “thing” to get over and done with on Sunday. And so I’ve had many worship leaders who came and left in the past, and now there’s only me, Serene and Hong Li left.
I know I do my fair share of bitching and moaning also about what’s inadequate with the church. But as I told John before, there’s a difference between complaining to another who is stuck in the mud also, as opposed to one who stands on the side and just points. So many times I hear people come to me with seemingly “constructive” and well-meaning advice. Yet essentially, all they’re saying is “YOU go do it. I’ve OBSERVED the problem. Now YOU go solve it so I can reap the rewards.”
(Takes a deep breath.)
Of course, pulling it all in, the sheer weight of problems that I see in the church only causes me to marvel more at how everything is somehow still holding together. It can only be the Providence of God, keeping watch over His church. It tells me that this is indeed a very special place, one which God has been exceedingly gracious towards.
The way we stumbled from one crisis into another, yet still manage to have come so far, is what keeps me going. Like how everything invariably goes wrong on a mission trip yet God makes something good out of it, I likewise find myself strangely encouraged at the end of the day. After the anger subsides, I am left to again marvel at how God makes miracles everyday out of the broken and unworthy. I look back in sadness at those who have given up and left this church or left God, and wonder what at what it could have been had they still been around.
Yet I cling to the three things I’ve learnt – God is good, He is in control, and He will bring it to pass.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Circle of Life
After more than 20 years in Sembawang, it seems that yet another chapter in my life is drawing to a close. Today I return back to Thomson, where I spent my childhood before moving on to Sembawang.
Talk about coming back full circle.
And yet the irony is that it also isn’t home. The saga my family has been enduring in the seemingly endless merry-go-round of house rentals is merely entering into yet another chapter. For now, I actually like this place a lot, and so really would want this to be a more permanent solution. Or at least, that we’ll find somewhere more permanent and be done with this darned packing-unpacking shenanigan.
The only good thing that inevitably comes out of it, is that I finally packed up my room, and cleared out tones of rubbish that I should have done long ago.
Ah well.
The proverbial silver lining in the dark cloud.
Talk about coming back full circle.
And yet the irony is that it also isn’t home. The saga my family has been enduring in the seemingly endless merry-go-round of house rentals is merely entering into yet another chapter. For now, I actually like this place a lot, and so really would want this to be a more permanent solution. Or at least, that we’ll find somewhere more permanent and be done with this darned packing-unpacking shenanigan.
The only good thing that inevitably comes out of it, is that I finally packed up my room, and cleared out tones of rubbish that I should have done long ago.
Ah well.
The proverbial silver lining in the dark cloud.
Monday, June 07, 2010
Worship Evaluation
This isn’t an evaluation of the Levites Ministry. Its an introspection into the condition of my worship.
I think the same few questions I’ve been asking God each time will always be universally valid:
1. In the course of my being a worship leader, how often have I traded the altar for a stage? How have I played at worshipping God, instead of being authentic before Him?
2. What sort of masks do I continue to wear before God and the congregation? Do I know which of those masks that I wear before the congregation are valid and which of them I need to remove?
3. Has my worship of God been with the same songs, or am I singing new songs unto the Lord? New songs borne out of a radically new experience of him instead of just new prose and melody?
4. What are the blind spots I currently have, that I need to be working on? Who do I currently have in my life that can be pointing them out to me?
Maybe I err too much on the side of caution, but I am very sensitive to the fact that being on stage is inevitably a stroke or a stab to the ego. Its so very hard to make it about God once you’re up on the stage.
Sure, its easy to profess that we desire God to be first. But more often than not, our actions and our pre-occupations betray our heart. I find myself instinctively gravitating towards concerns such as whether or not I know what to say, so that I won’t sound stupid up there. Or whether or not there will be anyone at 0930 if I start worship on time, so that the “happening” song I had picked will not be wasted.
So much for playing to an audience of One.
I guess there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with being concerned about such things. But when I spend 90% of the time concerned about them, instead of being concerned about whether or not I am right before God (so that my worship might be acceptable before Him), I really have put my cart 100 miles ahead of the horse.
With the recent wave of “trouble” in the Levites Ministry, I guess I really need to guard my heart against resentment and the martyr complex. Its His ministry after all. I have NO doubts whatsoever that my listening to IDMC 2009 was God’s divine intervention, reminding me through the words of Edmund Chan, that:
1. God is good.
2. God is in control.
3. God will bring it to pass.
Lord, the more the burdens increase, the more You remind me that I am not the one carrying them. I only need to stick to that which you entrusted to me, and depend on You to bring it to pass…
May you let my worship before you always be authentic, and to always remember to love those whom you love.
I think the same few questions I’ve been asking God each time will always be universally valid:
1. In the course of my being a worship leader, how often have I traded the altar for a stage? How have I played at worshipping God, instead of being authentic before Him?
2. What sort of masks do I continue to wear before God and the congregation? Do I know which of those masks that I wear before the congregation are valid and which of them I need to remove?
3. Has my worship of God been with the same songs, or am I singing new songs unto the Lord? New songs borne out of a radically new experience of him instead of just new prose and melody?
4. What are the blind spots I currently have, that I need to be working on? Who do I currently have in my life that can be pointing them out to me?
Maybe I err too much on the side of caution, but I am very sensitive to the fact that being on stage is inevitably a stroke or a stab to the ego. Its so very hard to make it about God once you’re up on the stage.
Sure, its easy to profess that we desire God to be first. But more often than not, our actions and our pre-occupations betray our heart. I find myself instinctively gravitating towards concerns such as whether or not I know what to say, so that I won’t sound stupid up there. Or whether or not there will be anyone at 0930 if I start worship on time, so that the “happening” song I had picked will not be wasted.
So much for playing to an audience of One.
I guess there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with being concerned about such things. But when I spend 90% of the time concerned about them, instead of being concerned about whether or not I am right before God (so that my worship might be acceptable before Him), I really have put my cart 100 miles ahead of the horse.
With the recent wave of “trouble” in the Levites Ministry, I guess I really need to guard my heart against resentment and the martyr complex. Its His ministry after all. I have NO doubts whatsoever that my listening to IDMC 2009 was God’s divine intervention, reminding me through the words of Edmund Chan, that:
1. God is good.
2. God is in control.
3. God will bring it to pass.
Lord, the more the burdens increase, the more You remind me that I am not the one carrying them. I only need to stick to that which you entrusted to me, and depend on You to bring it to pass…
May you let my worship before you always be authentic, and to always remember to love those whom you love.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Prayer Requests
This is prob a first for this blog. Doubly ironic, since it comes at a time when nobody reads it anymore.
But I guess it serves as a reminder to myself just how much of my life is in need of prayer. (ALL OF IT, as a matter of fact.)
Just feeling a little overwhelmed lately, and trying hard (albeit not very successfully) from whining to everyone I meet.
School
1. VERY heavy semester coming up ahead. Heaviest one ever, as a matter of fact. Gosh. Need to be very disciplined to keep from my usual habit of putting off things to an impossibly late date.
2. Need to do a lot better to pull up my GPA score to keep alive my faint hopes of a Cum Laude degree.
3. Parking is proving to be an unbelievably painful stick up my ass. I feel a deep sense of frustration welling up in me every time I think about the fact that my school virtually has a carpark-to-student ratio of about 1:30. Praying for more lots would be like praying that Alex Ferguson is again only 30 yrs old, so pray instead that I can accept the inevitable.
Ministry
1. Very frustrated by errant ministry partners. Need to pray that I will remember to always act in LOVE, and never to merely react in anger. Also, very importantly, to cease my very bad habit of judging people.
2. Lots of preparation to do for the move. Buying instruments, writing up the website, setting up a proper process for the projection team, planning the roster despite not knowing who will there be, preparing for the evangelistic meeting, and deciding what to do with the jamming sessions... etc. GOSH.
3. I need to expand myself. I need to be better musically, as well as be much more aware of the theology of worship. I cannot still be the same sort of worship leader that I was 8 years ago. Starting to read Robert Weber, Tim Keller and DA Carson.
4. Need to grow spiritually as well. As my ministry expands, I need to be sure I dig deeper also, so that I have enough inside of me to be able to give.
5. Life Group. Its in a bit of a mess, in terms of succession. I plan to step down, and both Xiu and Art will be gone too. There's precious little time left to plan and take steps. Time to knuckle down.
Self
1. My health seems to not be too good. On the brink of falling sick several times. Need to be more conscientious of the fact that I'm not 18 anymore.
2. Spiritual life. I want to finish reading a book by the end of my semester. I need to be learning something that correlates with my spiritual development. No excuse just because semester has started again.
3. With luck, I'll even have time to start tinkering around with the keyboard again. I guess I still have a long way to go towards repaying God for letting me learn to play.
Ah well.
That's all for now.
With so much to pray for, its mind-boggling why I don't pray more, actually...
Friday, April 16, 2010
In Loving Memory (1939 - 2010)
陈牧师, thanks for everything. From my earliest impressions, you were always someone so special. Whatever the reason, people around you invariably treated you with respect. As I got older, and began to understand why, I began to become a fan. Your integrity and dedication towards God was so plainly obvious that it was impossible to miss. In a church that has more than its fair share of power-play, you could have wielded so much clout if you had chosen to do so. Instead, you demonstrated the model of servant leadership, always maintaining a humble demeanor, always shunning the limelight. A spiritual giant who always tried to look as small as he could manage.
You baptized me at birth, and taught me in baptism class. You officiated my confirmation ceremony. And as a shepherd, you oversaw our transition from ORPC Mandarin Congregation, until we became Providence Presbyterian Church. Then, in your unassuming manner, you very quietly stepped down and handed over leadership to the next generation. How I desperately wish you could be there when we officially open the new venue at the Bible House.
You had a profound way of teaching in a manner that was simple, without being simplistic. Your life displayed the rare quality of living up to the standards that you set in your teachings. Your integrity, your dedication and your faith were always an encouragement to me, and set an example for me to follow. I saw for myself in your life, the sort of power a man could have, simply by being a faithful servant who is committed to prayer. I remember the story of how even the demon fled when you had merely arrived at the doorstep of the possessed church member.
I will never forget your love for the church, and more importantly, your love for God. I remember the words you spoke in one of your sermons, and the heart-wrenching manner in which you said so – you lamented at the fact that our church has an abundance of talents and gifts, yet there are so few who truly love the Lord. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain it must cause you to look upon your sheep, and to let your heart break over the things that breaks your Lord’s heart.
And now that you have left us, I wonder what happens next. You have impossible shoes to fill. The void you leave behind in the hearts of so many might never be filled again. Such is the special place you occupy in so many of our hearts. In the words, of Edmund Chan, you were a living myth, now forever immortalized in our hearts as a legend.
Thanks so much for all you did, for all your gave, and for all you meant to so many of us. I couldn’t have put it better than Ray Boltz did, and so I end with what I feel would be such a fitting tribute to you and your life.
Thank You
I dreamed I went to heaven
And you were there with me;
We walked upon the streets of gold.
Beside the crystal sea.
We heard the angels singing
Then someone called your name.
We turned and saw a young man running
And he was smiling as he came.
And he said, "Friend you may not know me now."
And then he said, "But wait,
You used to teach my Sunday School
When I was only eight.
And every week you would say a prayer
Before the class would start.
And one day when you said that prayer,
I asked Jesus in my heart."
Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am a life that was changed.
Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am so glad you gave.
Then another man stood before you
And said, "Remember the time
A missionary came to your church
And his pictures made you cry.
You didn't have much money,
But you gave it anyway.
Jesus took the gift you gave
And that's why I'm here today."
Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am a life that was changed.
Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am so glad you gave.
One by one they came
Far as the eye could see.
Each life somehow touched
By your generosity.
Little things that you had done,
Sacrifices made,
Unnoticed on the earth
In heaven, now proclaimed.
And I know up in heaven
You're not supposed to cry
But I am almost sure
There were tears in your eyes.
As Jesus took your hand
And you stood before the Lord.
He said, "My child, look around you.
Great is your reward."
Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am a life that was changed.
Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am so glad you gave.
Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am a life that was changed.
Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am so glad you gave.
-Ray Boltz
Monday, April 05, 2010
Easter Reminder
Easter Sunday came and passed, and it turned out to be a pretty meaningful one for me after all. I had pretty much ignored the onset of the season of Lent, and hadn’t really spent a lot of time nor effort preparing myself for Good Friday and Easter Sunday. But the Passover meal we had in Life Group on Thursday helped put me in the right frame of mind.
It was a very simple message on Easter Sunday, but one that inevitably left an impression on me, since it echoes my impotent writings on this blog about the need to change and be different. Perhaps my bias towards CEFC made me a lot more receptive to whatever the pulpit had to say, but the fact is, I came out of it without that jaded emotion I typically have with regards to a message that actually had precious little that was new to me.
Maybe it was almost as if God was reminding me that at 31 yrs old, there really isn’t too many turning points left behind for me. With all the impending changes that’s happening around me, I need to keep my eye on the ball, and not find myself somewhere else from where I wanted to end up.
So even though this blog doesn’t have much to say, it serves as a reminder to me that I need keep the goal in mind, and make changes to return back to the path instead of staying in my deviating course.
A Footnote:
I had no idea how much discussion my previous blog post would generate by the FOUR people left in the world who still read it. So the FINAL word on it is:
1. I am NOT putting myself on a pedestal, and judging Henry. I DON’T think I’m better than him. I am perfectly capable of doing exactly what he did too. Just that it doesn’t mean I can’t dislike what he did. So that’s all it is: I DON’T LIKE what he did, and it resulted in me losing my good opinion of him.
2. It WASN’T an emotional and intense discourse that I was voicing, merely a case of putting down what was in my mind. I am perfectly calm and have pretty much resolved the issue already.
3. I DON’T disike HIM, just what he did. Unfortunately, the net result is that it inevitably affected my relationship with him. But it also DOESN’T DESTROY the relationship. (unless he chooses to not accept my right to my opinion, and decides to burn bridges.)
And that’s that.
It was a very simple message on Easter Sunday, but one that inevitably left an impression on me, since it echoes my impotent writings on this blog about the need to change and be different. Perhaps my bias towards CEFC made me a lot more receptive to whatever the pulpit had to say, but the fact is, I came out of it without that jaded emotion I typically have with regards to a message that actually had precious little that was new to me.
Maybe it was almost as if God was reminding me that at 31 yrs old, there really isn’t too many turning points left behind for me. With all the impending changes that’s happening around me, I need to keep my eye on the ball, and not find myself somewhere else from where I wanted to end up.
So even though this blog doesn’t have much to say, it serves as a reminder to me that I need keep the goal in mind, and make changes to return back to the path instead of staying in my deviating course.
A Footnote:
I had no idea how much discussion my previous blog post would generate by the FOUR people left in the world who still read it. So the FINAL word on it is:
1. I am NOT putting myself on a pedestal, and judging Henry. I DON’T think I’m better than him. I am perfectly capable of doing exactly what he did too. Just that it doesn’t mean I can’t dislike what he did. So that’s all it is: I DON’T LIKE what he did, and it resulted in me losing my good opinion of him.
2. It WASN’T an emotional and intense discourse that I was voicing, merely a case of putting down what was in my mind. I am perfectly calm and have pretty much resolved the issue already.
3. I DON’T disike HIM, just what he did. Unfortunately, the net result is that it inevitably affected my relationship with him. But it also DOESN’T DESTROY the relationship. (unless he chooses to not accept my right to my opinion, and decides to burn bridges.)
And that’s that.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
A Follow-Up, If You Will...
I believe this is the first time Arthur has ever commented on my blog. Thus, a momentous occasions calls for a momentous response. So allow me to follow up on my previous entry, and clarify what I had failed to properly elucidate.
I think the point I tried to make was that my good opinion "once lost", is lost forever. The notion of how the first impression lasts forever, if you will. The breaking point, if that better clarifies what I meant. Whether its through betrayal, or through disappointment, once the good opinion of you has been lost, it won't come back.
With regards to Henry, it was a case of one disappointment too many, and the straw that finally broke the camel's back was when he decided to leave without a word. I hope what you said came from your own conjecture, Art, because if it was straight out of Henry's mouth, it would only serve to further prove my point - he didn't even have the good graces to tell me himself why he's leaving and dumping the ministry on my shoulders. And in fact, it's not the first time he's left. Both times, he left without so much as a proper goodbye to his own ministry partners. In fact, this time round when he left, it was abrupt and petulant, almost as if he was taking out his impotent anger on those around him. I only managed to piece together parts of the story from his poor wife who was left to pick up his broken pieces. I would expect that out of some people in church, but perhaps I expected too much out of him.
The church leadership has always been around. I think it was no coincidence that his strongest commitment to serving the congregation and partnering in ministry came when he had fallen out with Andrew over what it means to serve God's church in spite of its leadership. And it was therefore not surprising that with his renewed relationship with Andrew, his disgruntlement with the church leadership started to be exacerbated once more.
Of course, there is a lot more that went on between me and Henry which culminated in losing my "good opinion" of him. But as you know, I am always eager to be discreet in my blog posts, so I shall leave it at that. *double winks*
Perhaps unforgiveness is a tad harsh. I don't think I still harbor a grudge against him. We all know who THAT particular honor belongs to. *Grins* But I guess I've stopped believing in him, and looking up to him as I used to. I still wish him all the best, I still retain a lot of fond memories of him, and I have nothing but the fondest memories of his wife. And I still really wish that he will continue to use that amazing gift that God has blessed him with, to serve wherever he is. But as I have stated in my previous posts, I don't believe that I will be able to serve in the same ministry with him anymore.
But of course, the bottom line is that my good opinion actually counts for very little. So the end-result of whatever I feel or say won't really matter all that much. Grins.
I think the point I tried to make was that my good opinion "once lost", is lost forever. The notion of how the first impression lasts forever, if you will. The breaking point, if that better clarifies what I meant. Whether its through betrayal, or through disappointment, once the good opinion of you has been lost, it won't come back.
With regards to Henry, it was a case of one disappointment too many, and the straw that finally broke the camel's back was when he decided to leave without a word. I hope what you said came from your own conjecture, Art, because if it was straight out of Henry's mouth, it would only serve to further prove my point - he didn't even have the good graces to tell me himself why he's leaving and dumping the ministry on my shoulders. And in fact, it's not the first time he's left. Both times, he left without so much as a proper goodbye to his own ministry partners. In fact, this time round when he left, it was abrupt and petulant, almost as if he was taking out his impotent anger on those around him. I only managed to piece together parts of the story from his poor wife who was left to pick up his broken pieces. I would expect that out of some people in church, but perhaps I expected too much out of him.
The church leadership has always been around. I think it was no coincidence that his strongest commitment to serving the congregation and partnering in ministry came when he had fallen out with Andrew over what it means to serve God's church in spite of its leadership. And it was therefore not surprising that with his renewed relationship with Andrew, his disgruntlement with the church leadership started to be exacerbated once more.
Of course, there is a lot more that went on between me and Henry which culminated in losing my "good opinion" of him. But as you know, I am always eager to be discreet in my blog posts, so I shall leave it at that. *double winks*
Perhaps unforgiveness is a tad harsh. I don't think I still harbor a grudge against him. We all know who THAT particular honor belongs to. *Grins* But I guess I've stopped believing in him, and looking up to him as I used to. I still wish him all the best, I still retain a lot of fond memories of him, and I have nothing but the fondest memories of his wife. And I still really wish that he will continue to use that amazing gift that God has blessed him with, to serve wherever he is. But as I have stated in my previous posts, I don't believe that I will be able to serve in the same ministry with him anymore.
But of course, the bottom line is that my good opinion actually counts for very little. So the end-result of whatever I feel or say won't really matter all that much. Grins.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
My Mr.Darcy Musings
Now that even Singapore has managed to get involved in the fashionable practice of Exposed Celebrity Adultery (ECA, for those born before 1980 and recognize the acronym), it was impossible to not lie in bed awake at night, thinking about the incidences and letting my thoughts run wild.
I have friends who had cheating partners. Some ended in breakups, some ended in divorce, and a few even managed to get back together after that. I remember the incredulity of some who couldn’t believe Jack Neo’s wife could brush off what he did, and readily forgive him. But I guess she’s no different from some I know who also again managed to return to their partners despite what happened.
I used to even wonder about what that means about my faith. We’ve all heard the equation before – the more you’re forgiven, the more you should forgive. And you are only stuck in unforgiveness because you have yet to appreciate the depth of your own sin, and are therefore unable to appreciate the magnitude of the forgiveness extended to you. As straightforward as that may sound, is that really right?
Edmund Chan defines forgiveness as “not holding a wrong done to you against the person anymore.” In other words, to forgive is not to forget, but to no longer hold a grudge. So what does that mean? I think it means that you no longer use it as a reason to remain hostile and bear ill-will towards someone, but it doesn’t mean you recklessly restore the relationship back to what it was. I find myself cheering the wives of cheating husbands who had the guts to go through with their divorce. Sure, in time you can forgive the cheating louse, and perhaps even be friends. But to go back in time as though nothing ever happened? I don’t believe it.
As Edmund Chan put it, unless you bashed your head in and suffered permanent brain damage, you can’t really forget the wrong done to you. So what you are ACTUALLY doing, is to psych yourself into thinking you’re alright with it. But human nature being what it is, such a repression will definitely come back to haunt you one day. Not today, not next month, maybe not even in the next 20 years. But one day, you won’t be able to hold it in anymore, and its gonna come out. And when it does, you’d find out your whole life up till that point in time had been a lie. Don’t believe me? Just look at my parents’ generation. They spent their first 40 years in denial, and today most of them are still married either out of convenience, for the sake of the kids, or just to maintain their social standing. I count less than 3 out of 10 to have a happy marriage for those above 50.
Sad huh?
The sadder fact is, most fools don’t believe me. They call me a cynic, and they believe that it won’t happen to them.
“Our love is stronger than that.”
“What happened to others won’t happen to us.”
“Now that we know what could happen, we’ll work harder to ensure it doesn’t happen to us.”
I think everyone secretly believes that they’re a little better than most of the people around them. Yet the sad fact is that we’re all a sorry bunch. So far, I’ve had one failed relationship. I used to think to myself that if my ex had finally accepted what an ass she’s hitched herself to, and seen the folly of her ways, we would have had a shot at getting back together. In retrospect, I thank God it never came down to that. Cos I know myself better now. And I know that I couldn’t do it. A betrayal is a betrayal. Mebbe if they broke up, I could bring myself to be friends with her again. But I will never be able to forget what she did to me, and I would never be able to give her the absolute trust that I once did.
Its also why I finally answered a question I had posed myself for more than a year: Do I want Henry ad Bernice back in the worship ministry? And the answer is “no”. Not just merely letting the ministry down, I also felt that he really let me down hard. As a friend, as a brother in Christ, and as a ministry partner. If my pastor’s fantasy ever came true and they returned, I think I’d be happy for them, and I’d be glad for the ministry. But then I’d also be ready to step down and think about moving elsewhere. I can’t work with broken trust.
Maybe contrary to what I believe, I’m actually a very unforgiving person. And that’s why I can’t deal with betrayal. Maybe like Mr Darcy once put it, “My good opinion once lost, is lost forever.”
I have friends who had cheating partners. Some ended in breakups, some ended in divorce, and a few even managed to get back together after that. I remember the incredulity of some who couldn’t believe Jack Neo’s wife could brush off what he did, and readily forgive him. But I guess she’s no different from some I know who also again managed to return to their partners despite what happened.
I used to even wonder about what that means about my faith. We’ve all heard the equation before – the more you’re forgiven, the more you should forgive. And you are only stuck in unforgiveness because you have yet to appreciate the depth of your own sin, and are therefore unable to appreciate the magnitude of the forgiveness extended to you. As straightforward as that may sound, is that really right?
Edmund Chan defines forgiveness as “not holding a wrong done to you against the person anymore.” In other words, to forgive is not to forget, but to no longer hold a grudge. So what does that mean? I think it means that you no longer use it as a reason to remain hostile and bear ill-will towards someone, but it doesn’t mean you recklessly restore the relationship back to what it was. I find myself cheering the wives of cheating husbands who had the guts to go through with their divorce. Sure, in time you can forgive the cheating louse, and perhaps even be friends. But to go back in time as though nothing ever happened? I don’t believe it.
As Edmund Chan put it, unless you bashed your head in and suffered permanent brain damage, you can’t really forget the wrong done to you. So what you are ACTUALLY doing, is to psych yourself into thinking you’re alright with it. But human nature being what it is, such a repression will definitely come back to haunt you one day. Not today, not next month, maybe not even in the next 20 years. But one day, you won’t be able to hold it in anymore, and its gonna come out. And when it does, you’d find out your whole life up till that point in time had been a lie. Don’t believe me? Just look at my parents’ generation. They spent their first 40 years in denial, and today most of them are still married either out of convenience, for the sake of the kids, or just to maintain their social standing. I count less than 3 out of 10 to have a happy marriage for those above 50.
Sad huh?
The sadder fact is, most fools don’t believe me. They call me a cynic, and they believe that it won’t happen to them.
“Our love is stronger than that.”
“What happened to others won’t happen to us.”
“Now that we know what could happen, we’ll work harder to ensure it doesn’t happen to us.”
I think everyone secretly believes that they’re a little better than most of the people around them. Yet the sad fact is that we’re all a sorry bunch. So far, I’ve had one failed relationship. I used to think to myself that if my ex had finally accepted what an ass she’s hitched herself to, and seen the folly of her ways, we would have had a shot at getting back together. In retrospect, I thank God it never came down to that. Cos I know myself better now. And I know that I couldn’t do it. A betrayal is a betrayal. Mebbe if they broke up, I could bring myself to be friends with her again. But I will never be able to forget what she did to me, and I would never be able to give her the absolute trust that I once did.
Its also why I finally answered a question I had posed myself for more than a year: Do I want Henry ad Bernice back in the worship ministry? And the answer is “no”. Not just merely letting the ministry down, I also felt that he really let me down hard. As a friend, as a brother in Christ, and as a ministry partner. If my pastor’s fantasy ever came true and they returned, I think I’d be happy for them, and I’d be glad for the ministry. But then I’d also be ready to step down and think about moving elsewhere. I can’t work with broken trust.
Maybe contrary to what I believe, I’m actually a very unforgiving person. And that’s why I can’t deal with betrayal. Maybe like Mr Darcy once put it, “My good opinion once lost, is lost forever.”
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Some Pretty Cool Stuff
Here are excerpts from a blog I really liked, whose author had also taken from elsewhere.
-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in the world did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
-There is a great need for sarcasm font.
-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what was going on when I first saw it.
-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
- LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and I instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
- Bad decisions make good stories
-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....
-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
-When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
-It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in the world did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
-There is a great need for sarcasm font.
-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what was going on when I first saw it.
-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
- LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and I instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
- Bad decisions make good stories
-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....
-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
-When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
-It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Just Wanna Say...
You know who you are.
I just thought I’d take the time to thank you for having been my friend through all these messed up years of my life. I guess when I pause to take stock all those who have come into my life and have since moved on, its really such a gift that you’re still around.
Yes, our friendship has also had its seasons, where we drifted in and out of each other’s lives, and times when we hardly had time for each other. But I guess with some people, you never really do move on. It was always easy to get back in touch, and carry on as if we’ve always been around.
Thanks for never labeling who I am by my actions and achievement in life. You alone saw myself as being a lot bigger than the sum total of all my parts. You never let up on a chance to give me stick for my failures, but at the same time you’ve never allowed it to define your understanding of me. Thus, you became my teacher, the one who taught me about loyalty to friends. More importantly, you taught me how to choose my friends wisely. Those who are worth keeping, and those whom I need to learn to let go of. Friendship is an art that requires a lot of discernment and wisdom, and so much of what I had comes from you.
Your optimism and good spirits have always been such an encouragement to me. Given my proneness towards melancholia, your brand of sunshine somehow works for me, without making me feel like it’s all an act. Your optimistic belief in people somehow rubs off on me, and after some time with you, I go away with a little more cheer in my heart, and a little more belief in this world. Honestly, I still don’t know how you can do it. You see a lot of the things I do, about how messed up everything is, yet you continue to maintain your cheerful and optimistic disposition towards the world. I guess it really is a gift. Thanks for sharing it with me, and making this world a little bit brighter for me.
In church and faith, you have been one of the few whom I could be open and honest with. I guess its always so easy for the ego to go into “martyrdom mode” in church, and cry out to God as Elijah did that “I feel like the last man standing”. Yet I found in you not only the reality that I’m not alone, but also someone who could listen and offer perspective. Some people are able to disagree with you, but at the same time genuinely listening and trying to understand what you’re getting at. Others simply wait for you to finish talking before starting to tell you what they think. Thanks for never being the latter to me.
You are someone of very good stature in your church, but was the first to show me that the stature is not to be used for securing your agenda. Growing up in my church, politics and power-play is so rampant amongst those we revere as “spiritual giants”, I was always blind to how wrong that is. You taught me about meekness and humility, and gave me a firsthand demonstration of what Christ expects of us when He gives us greater responsibilities.
It was great fun helping you out at your wedding. I guess its very easy to be happy for you and share your joy, knowing how much joy you’ve brought into mine. I really can’t wait for your first baby to pop, so that I can begin the long-awaited task of spoiling him/her rotten and leaving the mess for you to handle. Ha!
Of course, no friend is flawless, and your biggest fault is your abjectly bad taste in soccer. Who in his right mind supports Liverpool??? Nevertheless, just as you’ve taught me to believe in my friends, I too, have hopes of you coming round to your folly and be a Red Devil.
Grins.
So there you go. My heartfelt thanks and appreciation for being such a friend and brother. I couldn’t have made it this far in life if not for you.
Love,
Me.
YES. I’d love to have such a person as a friend. Anyone who knows someone like that, please intro him to me. My friendship pool is rapidly drying up.
I just thought I’d take the time to thank you for having been my friend through all these messed up years of my life. I guess when I pause to take stock all those who have come into my life and have since moved on, its really such a gift that you’re still around.
Yes, our friendship has also had its seasons, where we drifted in and out of each other’s lives, and times when we hardly had time for each other. But I guess with some people, you never really do move on. It was always easy to get back in touch, and carry on as if we’ve always been around.
Thanks for never labeling who I am by my actions and achievement in life. You alone saw myself as being a lot bigger than the sum total of all my parts. You never let up on a chance to give me stick for my failures, but at the same time you’ve never allowed it to define your understanding of me. Thus, you became my teacher, the one who taught me about loyalty to friends. More importantly, you taught me how to choose my friends wisely. Those who are worth keeping, and those whom I need to learn to let go of. Friendship is an art that requires a lot of discernment and wisdom, and so much of what I had comes from you.
Your optimism and good spirits have always been such an encouragement to me. Given my proneness towards melancholia, your brand of sunshine somehow works for me, without making me feel like it’s all an act. Your optimistic belief in people somehow rubs off on me, and after some time with you, I go away with a little more cheer in my heart, and a little more belief in this world. Honestly, I still don’t know how you can do it. You see a lot of the things I do, about how messed up everything is, yet you continue to maintain your cheerful and optimistic disposition towards the world. I guess it really is a gift. Thanks for sharing it with me, and making this world a little bit brighter for me.
In church and faith, you have been one of the few whom I could be open and honest with. I guess its always so easy for the ego to go into “martyrdom mode” in church, and cry out to God as Elijah did that “I feel like the last man standing”. Yet I found in you not only the reality that I’m not alone, but also someone who could listen and offer perspective. Some people are able to disagree with you, but at the same time genuinely listening and trying to understand what you’re getting at. Others simply wait for you to finish talking before starting to tell you what they think. Thanks for never being the latter to me.
You are someone of very good stature in your church, but was the first to show me that the stature is not to be used for securing your agenda. Growing up in my church, politics and power-play is so rampant amongst those we revere as “spiritual giants”, I was always blind to how wrong that is. You taught me about meekness and humility, and gave me a firsthand demonstration of what Christ expects of us when He gives us greater responsibilities.
It was great fun helping you out at your wedding. I guess its very easy to be happy for you and share your joy, knowing how much joy you’ve brought into mine. I really can’t wait for your first baby to pop, so that I can begin the long-awaited task of spoiling him/her rotten and leaving the mess for you to handle. Ha!
Of course, no friend is flawless, and your biggest fault is your abjectly bad taste in soccer. Who in his right mind supports Liverpool??? Nevertheless, just as you’ve taught me to believe in my friends, I too, have hopes of you coming round to your folly and be a Red Devil.
Grins.
So there you go. My heartfelt thanks and appreciation for being such a friend and brother. I couldn’t have made it this far in life if not for you.
Love,
Me.
YES. I’d love to have such a person as a friend. Anyone who knows someone like that, please intro him to me. My friendship pool is rapidly drying up.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
My Strange Existence
Lately, I’ve been coming to a conclusion that I need to reverse my paradigm of the world. People aren’t weird. I am.
Of course, over dinner recently with Paul, he couldn’t help but emphasize how he’s been feeling that way for the longest time. After all, how else can we explain why we find so many people out there who are strange to us? If I find myself belonging to a very very exclusive minority, doesn’t the statistic suggest that I’m actually the one that is weird and abnormal?
Maybe that’ll help me overcome a lot of the hurts that I went through, from being disappointed in some people, to feeling victimized by others. At least, it would help explain why everyone seems to be perfectly fine with people who do things I find unacceptable. (Yes, I must confess that an adulterous couple comes to mind. Grins.)
Right at the TOP of the list would be my fellow church-goers. Yes, I don’t call them Christians. They probably don’t deserve that title.
These church-goers fall into a few main categories:
Firstly, those that have been in church since young, and who have an over-rated impression of themselves as being mature believers who are” simply not as passionate for God as they used to be”. These people will still faithfully sit in at service, and fulfill their obligations to sit-stand-sing-pray as required. However, they’re doing ABSOLUTELY nothing else in church. They live in a world where their pseudo-Christianity allows them to disdain “the sins of the world” (except the few they love to secretly indulge in), thus feeling morally superior, whilst at the same time deceiving themselves that they’re just going through a bad patch with God. They’ll be more active when things between them and God gets better.
Then there’re those who used to be pretty active in church. In fact, if you see them now, they’ll spout the same rhetoric as they did, with sincerity shining through their liquid eyes as they speak of God’s love. … … The only catch being IF you see them… … You see, they’re too busy nowadays with career and also other things to even be in church regularly. Travel, hobbies, various activities such as marathons, church-visiting and even over-sleeping has taken priority over God. Approach them about it and they’ll assure you with such passion about their abiding commitment to God. They’ll thank you profusely for caring and reminding them, promising they’ll stay accountable to you over the issue. After that, you’ll see them once a month in church, strangely always on the opposite end of where you are.
Another breed are the ones whom I can never fathom why they bother being in church at all. They look disinterested, aren’t paying attention, and evidently couldn’t care less whatever is being taught on the pupit. I mean, honestly, WHY WASTE TIME COMING AT ALL??? If I were them, the LAST place I’d want to be in at 0930 on a Sunday morning would be in church (Of course, that being said, quite a few only saunter in at 10am).
And of course, all of us also have the habit picking and choosing what we want to listen to in church. The difference obviously being in the degree to which we do so. With so many weird doctrines and beliefs that people are championing and fixating on, its hard to not sometimes feel that WE’RE the extremists, not Al Qaeda. Success theology, Prosperity Gospel, or the recent attention-grabbing “Verbal Plenary Preservation” that made it to the Singapore High Courts – whichever form it takes, it really leaves me wondering how people could ever let something like that be a source of division. Yet in the name of loving our God, we happily tear down His fellow children and feel justified in doing so.
By merely describing these few types, of people, I’ve already managed to sum up so many of those I know, that I’m really quite convinced now that I’m plain weird.
Sigh.
Of course, over dinner recently with Paul, he couldn’t help but emphasize how he’s been feeling that way for the longest time. After all, how else can we explain why we find so many people out there who are strange to us? If I find myself belonging to a very very exclusive minority, doesn’t the statistic suggest that I’m actually the one that is weird and abnormal?
Maybe that’ll help me overcome a lot of the hurts that I went through, from being disappointed in some people, to feeling victimized by others. At least, it would help explain why everyone seems to be perfectly fine with people who do things I find unacceptable. (Yes, I must confess that an adulterous couple comes to mind. Grins.)
Right at the TOP of the list would be my fellow church-goers. Yes, I don’t call them Christians. They probably don’t deserve that title.
These church-goers fall into a few main categories:
Firstly, those that have been in church since young, and who have an over-rated impression of themselves as being mature believers who are” simply not as passionate for God as they used to be”. These people will still faithfully sit in at service, and fulfill their obligations to sit-stand-sing-pray as required. However, they’re doing ABSOLUTELY nothing else in church. They live in a world where their pseudo-Christianity allows them to disdain “the sins of the world” (except the few they love to secretly indulge in), thus feeling morally superior, whilst at the same time deceiving themselves that they’re just going through a bad patch with God. They’ll be more active when things between them and God gets better.
Then there’re those who used to be pretty active in church. In fact, if you see them now, they’ll spout the same rhetoric as they did, with sincerity shining through their liquid eyes as they speak of God’s love. … … The only catch being IF you see them… … You see, they’re too busy nowadays with career and also other things to even be in church regularly. Travel, hobbies, various activities such as marathons, church-visiting and even over-sleeping has taken priority over God. Approach them about it and they’ll assure you with such passion about their abiding commitment to God. They’ll thank you profusely for caring and reminding them, promising they’ll stay accountable to you over the issue. After that, you’ll see them once a month in church, strangely always on the opposite end of where you are.
Another breed are the ones whom I can never fathom why they bother being in church at all. They look disinterested, aren’t paying attention, and evidently couldn’t care less whatever is being taught on the pupit. I mean, honestly, WHY WASTE TIME COMING AT ALL??? If I were them, the LAST place I’d want to be in at 0930 on a Sunday morning would be in church (Of course, that being said, quite a few only saunter in at 10am).
And of course, all of us also have the habit picking and choosing what we want to listen to in church. The difference obviously being in the degree to which we do so. With so many weird doctrines and beliefs that people are championing and fixating on, its hard to not sometimes feel that WE’RE the extremists, not Al Qaeda. Success theology, Prosperity Gospel, or the recent attention-grabbing “Verbal Plenary Preservation” that made it to the Singapore High Courts – whichever form it takes, it really leaves me wondering how people could ever let something like that be a source of division. Yet in the name of loving our God, we happily tear down His fellow children and feel justified in doing so.
By merely describing these few types, of people, I’ve already managed to sum up so many of those I know, that I’m really quite convinced now that I’m plain weird.
Sigh.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
WHO THE FUCK READS BLOGS?????
Just realised the number of views on my page. Absolutely bewildered by who out there still gets redirected to blogs. Surely no advertisers...
