God of Wonders

This Saturday will mark a milestone in our church, with the official opening ceremony of the Bible House. And yet I approach the event with such conflicting emotions, that I question if its just me (I can never be satisfied), or if there really are problems that I should rightly be unhappy about.

I used to say that “Lethargy is our liturgy” as a cute little jingle. Now, its becoming a very sadly tiring reality, with nothing cute about it left. I get really angry sometimes, thinking about the number of people around me in church who sit blithely by while there’s so much they could do.

Am I taking it too personally? Am I wrong to be so angry? I mean, I’m having so much difficulty finding people who are willing to just manage the powerpoint slides. How difficult can it be to reach 15 minutes before service, or to learn how to do it? I wish they could hear their own lame excuses as they politely decline, thinking there’s always someone else to do the work.

Or scripture reading. Hong Li even has to read the scriptures on occasion, since we can’t find anyone willing to step up. I bet a lot more of them will step up to give a Chinese business presentation if their boss asks them to. But if the church is asking, then they suddenly can’t muster enough effort to try. The lame excuses about how their Chinese isn’t up to standard sounds more like “I’m afraid to lose face in front of everyone if I read something wrongly. And that’s a lot more important that availing myself to God”. Sheesh!

How about worship leading? I admit that it’s a quirk I have, but I feel we need to be very careful with who we set up on the stage for worship leading. Just because you can sing doesn’t mean you are a worshipper. And since the worship leader is essentially a “lead worshipper”, how can you set such a low benchmark when selecting worship leaders? Of course, I now sound like I’ve set myself up on a pedestal. And yes, I know none of us are worthy. But I think certain criterias such as regular and faithful attendance of service, responsibility to fulfill the roster arrangements and availability to attend worship team activities are a very minimal criteria. Tragically, many of us treat worship leading as just a “thing” to get over and done with on Sunday. And so I’ve had many worship leaders who came and left in the past, and now there’s only me, Serene and Hong Li left.

I know I do my fair share of bitching and moaning also about what’s inadequate with the church. But as I told John before, there’s a difference between complaining to another who is stuck in the mud also, as opposed to one who stands on the side and just points. So many times I hear people come to me with seemingly “constructive” and well-meaning advice. Yet essentially, all they’re saying is “YOU go do it. I’ve OBSERVED the problem. Now YOU go solve it so I can reap the rewards.”

(Takes a deep breath.)

Of course, pulling it all in, the sheer weight of problems that I see in the church only causes me to marvel more at how everything is somehow still holding together. It can only be the Providence of God, keeping watch over His church. It tells me that this is indeed a very special place, one which God has been exceedingly gracious towards.

The way we stumbled from one crisis into another, yet still manage to have come so far, is what keeps me going. Like how everything invariably goes wrong on a mission trip yet God makes something good out of it, I likewise find myself strangely encouraged at the end of the day. After the anger subsides, I am left to again marvel at how God makes miracles everyday out of the broken and unworthy. I look back in sadness at those who have given up and left this church or left God, and wonder what at what it could have been had they still been around.

Yet I cling to the three things I’ve learnt – God is good, He is in control, and He will bring it to pass.