I Hate Taiwan

'Nuff said.

Passion

Sorry I've been away for so long. A combination of factors such as a PC that has died at home, and the peak period at work has led to me being unable to do anything much on my blog. But a combination of one too many weddings lately and having read a friend's piece on the pursuit of one's dreams, I guess I wanted to put this down to remind myself in days to come when financial responsibilities might cloud my better judgment on how I should be viewing my life.

I guess it's a kiasu syndrome that we've perfected in Singapore, where we've rationalized out why building an economic surplus makes more sense than incurring an economic deficit, that such a philosophy is ingrained in us. People used to dismiss my notions of getting married without the fabled "financial stability" that seems to be everyone else's paramount consideration. Ask any dating couple when they intend to get married, and 9.5 out of ten times, they'll respond "not enough money". (Funny how everyone continues to insist that money is not the most important consideration in a relationship.)

I guess I've stopped voicing out my romantic ideals that as long as both parties can feed themselves, there's no reason why they cannot get married and live a lifestyle that supports them both. What is it abt marriage that is supposed to bankrupt you in a way that dating doesn't? Surely not having financial and career stability isn't the real problem?

Looking at a friend who is considering giving up her very promising career to go into full-time ministry, and how despite being miles away I can almost see her eyes light up when she mentions it, I suddenly realize what could be the reason why people decry her decision.

People who've never known bigger dreams often choose to anchor themselves in the security of their conventional wisdom. People who have never known the passion of a dream will never understand why someone can throw away what they themselves long for... be it a promising career or other material securities. They might be stirred when a dream they used to uphold is offered to them... but they are reluctant to step out of the security of their conventional prudence.

I look at the full-time workers that I know, and I see now how they can do what I cannot – give up material security in exchange for a higher calling. One's pragmatic wisdom needs to be abandoned in the face of an altruistic call to something more. And the key to that is passion.

If you have a passion for God, you'll be able to see beyond the material losses and embrace your ascetic life with delight. There'll be a joy that comes with every day that you live, even if its right in the face of a life of minimal comforts. It is what enabled the apostle Paul to praise God with a genuine joy in the prison cell, so much that it shook the very walls of the place. Without that passion, everyday you live will be a day of repression, where you are more aware of what you gave up than what you now have. And in time such a life would build resentment instead of fulfillment, and it is the reason why failures would get us down and cause us to doubt instead of continuing to rejoice and trust.

And if you shrink that argument down to a miniature scale, you'll get a clue into why couples are reluctant to marry and claim its because they don't have money... if they're living a very comfortable life yet continue to plead "not enough money yet" as the excuse for not getting married, perhaps its because they lack a genuine passion for each other.

Or even more sadly, they've never known the passion that a genuine love brings, that can cause one to abandon prudence and honestly mean it when they say they're willing to lay down their lives for each other.

For me, I've been saying this since ages ago – if I find the love of my life, I can't wait for my life with her to begin. I don't see the point of waiting until I have 5 zeroes in my bank account, plus a house and a car to go along.

And so to you, my friend who is miles way, I dedicate this song to you. Kudos for daring to dream, for having the passion to even think abt going down that line.

As for me, I pray that my passion for a life partner is not only matched, but even superseded by my passion for God.

What Went Wrong?

I had lunch with an old friend who was leaving Reuters after 3 years here, and we started talking abt being unequally yoked.

He started to talk about how it wasn’t a good idea to be unequally yoked, and I pretty much knew all the reasons why. And its not like I disagreed with him… but I guess it made me think abt my take on the issue, and why its different from his.

Most people come from the angle of what’s right and what’s wrong about dating someone who isn’t Christian. And there’s nothing wrong in doing that. I agree that we should always measure ourselves against a benchmark of where to draw the lines, so to not rationalize away everything we do and end up being blameless in our own eyes. Sure – if you get attached to a non-christian, you need to know that when people say you are wrong, they have a point.

You’re not allowed to feel as though you’ve done nothing wrong.

And I think that’s where my friend was coming from.

On the other hand, I was a lot more concerned abt the scenario that led up to the Christian finding companionship outside of the church. Discounting the peripheral Christians who need to be worried abt a lot more than holding the hands of a non-Christian, I wonder abt the lay leaders in the church… people who display a greater maturity in church… and what could have driven them to find understanding outside of church.

And I’d be more concerned abt that instead.

If I hear that a prominent youth leader in my church had hooked up with a NC, I wouldn’t go on a run of recriminations, and embark on the process of ‘counselling’ that person, hoping that he’d repent of his ways. At least, it won’t be first thing I do.

Because I understand.

I understand how hard it is to find someone within the church. As a leader in the church, your r/s would be under the microscope amongst those you’re around… Wanting to retain your rights to privacy gets you branded as not being accountable. Make a mistake and you have the full force and effect of the church community’s judgment taking place behind your back.

There’s so much pressure on the couple to “do what’s right”, that there’s no room for them, to learn from their mistakes. The first mistake is fatal. And like all newbies who are fresh in this game of love, the mistakes they make are usually the most prominent and common ones (read: physical intimacy, exclusivity, imbalance of priorities…). And the price to pay for making the most common mistakes of all is the overwhelming response that is communicated as “concern”, but is experienced as judgment and maybe even condemnation.

Its funny how the church community never turns on itself, to ask where they themselves went wrong. As a body that is supposed to be keeping each other in check, and keeping each other accountable, how have we “loved each other as we love ourselves”? When a member of the body fails, when was the last time we looked at how we may have failed him or her? Instead of only seeing where he or she went wrong, mebbe its time to look in the mirror and ask God how we have been deficient in treating each other as part of ourselves.

I used to wonder why people who are non-Christians keep saying that we Christians like to judge people. I used to wonder abt the ‘misunderstanding’. Now I see that if we judge our own family so harshly, how much more we must be intolerant towards those outside the family.

I think of the verse that says “he who is forgiven little forgives little…”, and I find myself reminded that the next time I have an automatic reaction of judging how someone was right or wrong, I really need to remember the grace and mercy accorded to me, and make every effort to make the offending party feel more accepted and forgiven than condemned.

A Post Just ForYou

He’s certainly brought you down a long long journey to find that elusive love… And I was really so glad for you last night, when I heard abt what happened. Grins.

Things are gonna be pretty exciting from now on… Hahahaha… Don’t worry abt those busybodies who don’t understand what’s going on ya? I don’t need to tell you who will be those rooting for you no matter what happens. As for me… I’ve always loved blondies.

Wuahahahaha…

Am so excited for you!!!

Anyway, just thought that this is a monumentous enough occasion to warrant a post set aside just to celebrate and remember this day. =)

Regrets - I've Had A Few...

Not too long ago, someone repeated to me what I’ve heard and felt a hundred times before already – “You never know what you had until you lose it”.

I heard the song 雨天 by Sun Yanzi, and totally fell in love with it. Anyone who has experienced the chagrin of regret after recognizing what has really been lost, will be able to appreciate the sentiments of this song.

With the haze going around, and the skies looker bleaker as a result, I’ve naturally been drawn back towards the dark side, thinking back to the days past, to what I have wasted and what I have lost.

Ever regretted bitterly your decisions, only to be faced with the hard truth that you have no recourse except to shoulder the weight of your choice? Ever looked back and lamented the wasted opportunities, the things that you could have done had you but tried? Ever bemoaned the problems that would not have existed today had you paid attention to it back then?

If you do, then welcome to the club. But as a dearly loved friend of mine recently found out, grey skies DO part… some dreams have to die so that loftier ones can have the chance to grow.

So if you’re wallowing in the sentiments of this song, and again trapped inside your head with the demons that you made, take heart… The proverbial light at the end of the tunnel is real…

In the meantime, don’t make the same mistakes anymore. Take a good look around you, and stop floundering in the quagmire of your folly… start re-looking at your life, and recognize what is important to you… then learn to cherish it. Whether it be loved ones, or be it where you are right now in your life… take a moment to stop thinking abt the things you want to change… and give thanks for the things right now that you hope will never change.

Yes, this doesn’t sound like the regular me. And no, I’m not dying of cancer.

Grins.

I’m just trying a different form of therapy today at work. Grins. Need to think positive thoughts to stay awake…