Passion

Sorry I've been away for so long. A combination of factors such as a PC that has died at home, and the peak period at work has led to me being unable to do anything much on my blog. But a combination of one too many weddings lately and having read a friend's piece on the pursuit of one's dreams, I guess I wanted to put this down to remind myself in days to come when financial responsibilities might cloud my better judgment on how I should be viewing my life.

I guess it's a kiasu syndrome that we've perfected in Singapore, where we've rationalized out why building an economic surplus makes more sense than incurring an economic deficit, that such a philosophy is ingrained in us. People used to dismiss my notions of getting married without the fabled "financial stability" that seems to be everyone else's paramount consideration. Ask any dating couple when they intend to get married, and 9.5 out of ten times, they'll respond "not enough money". (Funny how everyone continues to insist that money is not the most important consideration in a relationship.)

I guess I've stopped voicing out my romantic ideals that as long as both parties can feed themselves, there's no reason why they cannot get married and live a lifestyle that supports them both. What is it abt marriage that is supposed to bankrupt you in a way that dating doesn't? Surely not having financial and career stability isn't the real problem?

Looking at a friend who is considering giving up her very promising career to go into full-time ministry, and how despite being miles away I can almost see her eyes light up when she mentions it, I suddenly realize what could be the reason why people decry her decision.

People who've never known bigger dreams often choose to anchor themselves in the security of their conventional wisdom. People who have never known the passion of a dream will never understand why someone can throw away what they themselves long for... be it a promising career or other material securities. They might be stirred when a dream they used to uphold is offered to them... but they are reluctant to step out of the security of their conventional prudence.

I look at the full-time workers that I know, and I see now how they can do what I cannot – give up material security in exchange for a higher calling. One's pragmatic wisdom needs to be abandoned in the face of an altruistic call to something more. And the key to that is passion.

If you have a passion for God, you'll be able to see beyond the material losses and embrace your ascetic life with delight. There'll be a joy that comes with every day that you live, even if its right in the face of a life of minimal comforts. It is what enabled the apostle Paul to praise God with a genuine joy in the prison cell, so much that it shook the very walls of the place. Without that passion, everyday you live will be a day of repression, where you are more aware of what you gave up than what you now have. And in time such a life would build resentment instead of fulfillment, and it is the reason why failures would get us down and cause us to doubt instead of continuing to rejoice and trust.

And if you shrink that argument down to a miniature scale, you'll get a clue into why couples are reluctant to marry and claim its because they don't have money... if they're living a very comfortable life yet continue to plead "not enough money yet" as the excuse for not getting married, perhaps its because they lack a genuine passion for each other.

Or even more sadly, they've never known the passion that a genuine love brings, that can cause one to abandon prudence and honestly mean it when they say they're willing to lay down their lives for each other.

For me, I've been saying this since ages ago – if I find the love of my life, I can't wait for my life with her to begin. I don't see the point of waiting until I have 5 zeroes in my bank account, plus a house and a car to go along.

And so to you, my friend who is miles way, I dedicate this song to you. Kudos for daring to dream, for having the passion to even think abt going down that line.

As for me, I pray that my passion for a life partner is not only matched, but even superseded by my passion for God.