Am sitting in the law library right now, and just feeling really sort of happy. I have this picture of a girl, an idea of the kind of girl that I would be interested in, and sometimes I wonder if a couple of the girls I know actually fit the bill, or am I just being silly. Why am I feeling happy? I'm not sure too. Maybe its the weather, its been raining non-stop, and that always leaves me with a sense of delight. I love rain. It's a refreshing difference from the heat that we're used to in S'pore. Also, it cleanses, giving me the sense that its possible to make a fresh start. As much as I think it makes me depressed, it really lifts me up. I think rain is really pretty to look at. Hehz...

After a slow start to the day, I think the day turned out well. My bleak outlook of church has managed to redeem itself after half a day, and I am able to tell God that all I can do is be faithful in keeping to my task... Again, its a lesson in letting the ministry go, and recognizing that its not my ministry to possess, nor my ministry to maintain and keep. Its my ministry to serve. It was an old lesson learnt anew.

Still, there's so much that I want to do. To really sit down and study hard, to take my advanced theory, to spend more time with a few guys in my church, to spend more time with my family, heck - to spend some time thinking abt getting attached again... even to spending some time to pray abt it and think if I shd try one last time to resolve matters with Grace, rather than let it remain so acrimonious.

My neurosis ever deepens...

If only I had more time... if only I had more time... Sometimes I think if there were 70 hours in a day I'd have asked God for 71. Dammit. Is that the same attitude I would take when looking for a girl? Will I know when I see the right one? Or will I keep on looking and never see that she's there already? Or just keeping wanting more?

Truthfully
This isn't what I like to call flattery,
But I know that I believe that I’ve found what's true,
That I’ve found what's you.

Truthfully, I -
I’m finding finally.
Truthfully, you -
You helped me find at last.
Truthfully, we -
Are finding out what's true.
And truthfully I am finding out what's you.

Surprise, cause I was flying the plane.
Surprise, cause now I’m smiling again.
Surprise, cause you showed up with your parachute.
Surprise, I’m kind of happy you showed up.

Truthfully, I -
I’m finding finally.
Truthfully, you -
You helped me find at last.
Truthfully, we -
Are finding out what's true.
And truthfully I am finding out what's you.

Truthfully, I really can't explain, I’m floating, I’m smiling again.
Truthfully, I can't ignore you, cause I’ve been waiting for you.
Truthfully, I’m not desperate, I haven't changed my mind since we first met,
But the last thing that I want to do is to tell you that I’m right for you.

Truthfully, I -
I’m finding finally.
Truthfully, you -
You helped me find at last.
Truthfully, we -
Are finding out what's true.
And truthfully I am finding out what's you.

I’m finding finally.
Truthfully, I’m finding out what's you.
I’m smiling again.
Truthfully


Yeah... that song right now pretty much describes the way I feel. After my breakup, I'm learning so much abt myself, things that I've never known. So much so that I'm pretty sure I'm darned right in choosing to stay single for the next half a yr, at least till I grad. But ah well, the neurosis kicks in and I wonder if I'm just wasting my life away, and letting the right girl slip through my hands. You see, I believe that its possible for the "right girl for me" to find another "right guy for her". And it'll be really hard to find another "right girl for me" after that. But of course, when I am wondering whether any girl better fits that description as the right girl for me, chances are that none of them are really right for me... at least, for the moment. The right girl has to be the one that I see as "the only possible choice". Is that overly-romantic? I can be such a sucker sometimes.

Truthfully, I'm finding out what's me.