Scrabbled Brain

So its the end of another week, and my exams are just a week away. Cool. I always wanted to know what it feels like when you realise you only have one week left to live... and this is it. Diana called me last night to ask me how I'm doing. Seems like I'm one of the few pple who actually is lonely enough to still remember who she is... I'm guessing that's why she actually still calls me to find out what's happening back home. Hehz... Anyway, she was again going on abt her problems with KC... how her mom doesn't approve... how she worries over when they'll ever get married... that sorta stuff. Listening to her go on and on for the 20th time abt the same concerns again... gave me the sudden realisation what everyone who reads my blog must feel... Hahaha...

So to all my loyal blog readers... I shd count no more than 3, actually... yeah! You all DO love me... Muahahahahaha...

What's interesting is how Sophie actually called me. Ever since Paul told me abt how Andre hits her, I was really wondering when her name would show up on the obituaries. I mean, we all know Andre's a pyschotic maniac who doesn't even deserve to end up with ... ... Grace. Muahahahaha... (Yes, Nut... Ruth DEFINITELY knows Grace. She used to have BS under her... hahaha...) Back to Andre - but what makes me even more confused is how bloody stupid and blind love can be. No wait. Correct that. They don't even love each other. Guess they're just really stupid then. Sigh. I'm actually genuinely concerned abt Sophie. But I don't understand why it is that the bigger the bastard you are, the harder it is for the girl to leave you. Joz and Grace left me and Paul easily enough, I guess. And yet after taking her money, beating her and basically abusing her both emotionally as well as physically, (Attends City Harvest Church at the same time, I might point out. *snicker*) Sophie can still decide that she will stick with him, and actually harbour the hopes that he will get better.

Ugh.

My sis was right after all. STUPIDITY HAS NO CURE.

Anyway, after these trivia abt the latest non-happenings in my life, I guess it really would be pretty sad if my blog does not at least give passing mention to two pretty big pieces of news that took place recently. This China girl called Huang Na was abducted, and found a few days later naked, shoved into some cupboard box and dumped somewhere. Think it was a really really sick case. As a documented paedophile myself (by all my darling beloved friends, no less..), I guess if even I myself am disguted with the whole case, that surely speaks volumes. Shall talk more abt that in a while.

Of course, the biggest news coming out after that is that Yasser Arafat is dead. And the whole Middle East goes absolutely nuts as everyone descends into a greater panic than the millenium bug crisis. Ironically, the West Wing just resumed season 6, which carried the storyline of the leader of the PLO, Hamas and the Prime Minister of Israel being invited to Camp David to hold peace talks. I wonder how much of the irony did the producers and writers felt, hearing of Arafat's death at roughly the same time as the episodes are being aired.

Quote of the decade: "The official mourning period is over today and there is a silver lining - George W Bush is prohibited by law from running again." - Michael Moore

Anyway, something struck me in the news today. As Malays all over S'pore celebrate Hari Raya, and breaks fast, a reporter decided to pose as a poor Malay girl who knocks on the doors of Muslims and begs for food and water to break fast. And I guess its a pretty sad but probably expected indictment of S'poreans that she was turned away by most. Even the reporter failed to be at least remotely impassive in her wriitng, but fully expressed her severe disappointment at the treatment she received. Seems that from families who just told her to go to the nearby mosque to beg, to families with so much food all over the house she could see it from the crack of the door that was opened to her, everyone claimed they had no food to offer, and would not even provide a cup of water. One shoved 2 dollars at her and told her to go buy water elsewhere then slammed the door on her.

Seems that the only families which responded were those living in one room flats, and those who had almost nothing to give. These were the ones who opened their doors and invited her to come in and share what they had. I guess what struck me was how if it was Chinese New Year and someone had come up to my doorstep begging for food, he probably would have gotten some... but nowhere near the kind of hospitality extended by those a lot poorer than I. I'm reminded that those who have been the recipients of the most grace are the ones who remember to be thankful, and share what they have. And I guess lots of us seem to no longer have anyone to thank for what we have today, convinced that we all are self-made men with only ourselves to thank for all we own. Like Bart Simpson's prayer at the dinner table "Dear Lord, we paid for this meal ourselves, so thanks for nothing actually".

Yet even as I talk abt the apparent civic apathy of S'poreans, the Huang Na case highlighted that many in S'poreans, albeit the older ones... continue to show that pple actually do care. I think 8000 pple sending off the girl at the crematorium might have really been an overkill, but there's something laudable abt the fact that S'poreans are at least showing up instead of just sitting back at home. Its a puzzle... there's always this Dr Jekyl Mr Hyde syndrome abt S'poreans, where we are capable of rising to the occasion and makes me believe at least for a while that S'pore's not that bad after all. Yet there's always more than enough tales to be told of pple who probably don't believe in hell, given their behaviour.

Ah well. Its another sleepless night here for me. Good news is that Man Utd won Newcastle. Grins. Seems that they can only score when Van Nistelroy is back.

But otherwise its been one of those days when I'm just feeling very down. Dunno what's bugging me. Spent the whole day with people, but just can't bring myself to really feel good. Mebbe I'm just really stressed and tired out. Keep having these really bad dreams whenever I try to sleep, that keeps me awake. Like this dream where I was just under intense pressure to keep churning out words from the 7 tiles I had in front of me, ala scrabble. There was no scenario, just the tiles in front of me that keeps changing as I make out words... and that very strong pressure to keep formimg words. I keep waking up, then going back to sleep only to resume that dream.

Sigh. Some drunk driver shd just hit me and be done with it. God knows there's very little left in this world that I can call my own, that I can live for anymore.