My Pride and My Prejudices...

Just came home from watching Pride & Prejudice with Paul, then celebrating Syl’s birthday in the park with JL.

I am absolutely SMITTEN with the show. Everything, from the cinematography, to the script, to the delivery by the actors, to Keira Knightley, was absolutely gorgeous. The story is one that I knew, since I’ve more or less read the book before (tho I really can’t remember when. Possibly in primary sch, believe it or not.), but its still the same theme that always fascinates me… of the different relationships that end up developing… the different takes people have… from there mother who just wants to see the daughters married off, to the Lizzie, who fights off all expectations of her, to fall in love with the man whom even she herself never imagined falling for.

I’m such a sucker for these shows. But what really caught my eye was the magnificence of the scenery, the shots that captured each scene, and the skill of the director at arranging the shots. I guess this is one really easy vote for me, for Movie of the Year.

Grins.

Yes, I really really liked it.

Would probably watch it again, actually… if time permits. Muahahaha…

My parents are finally back, raving abt how fun Italy was. So I guess its pretty obvious they had fun. And THANK GOD I DUN NEED TO DO THE LAUNDRY AND CLEAN THE HOUSE ANYMORE…

So THANK GOD for parents… hehz…

This week I spent most of the time thinking abt my stay in my sis and Joseph’s place. (I hate the fact that I have to type out J-O-S-E-P-H, cos someone decided to take up the shorter name of J-O… Muahahahahaha… *cough cough*) There was the very obvious fact that since I was a guest, I was a lot more careful to be clean and neat, since I didn’t want to impos, and be too big a pest. Also wanted to spare my sis the trouble of cleaning up after me. Her husband’s enough of a challenge already. Hehz…

But there was the part where I had to decide how much stuff I wanted to bring there. How much clothes, my shaver, my deodorant, my hair wax… And I had to tell myself I’m only there for a week… not to bring too much, cos I’ll have to lug it all back. Then after settling in, I had to remind myself not to get too comfy, since I’m not gonna be here long. So it didn’t take long for me to make the connection, and see how it translates into the perfect little sermon illustration of how I also need to remind myself not to be too eager to hoard after things in this life.

Having driven the car for the whole week, giving it up was a drag. Staying in the new condo, and seeing how done up it is, I have my moments when I wish the house back in Sembawang could be like that. Spending time some time working, drawing a salary exposed me to the joys of earning/spending power, and makes me dread the day when I stop work, and will have to forego the flexibility it affords me. So many little things here and there that are well and truly good in itself, that I have to remind myself isn’t as important as I make it out to be… Corie Ten Boom once said “I have learnt to grasp the things of this earth very gently, so that it doesn’t hurt when the Lord pries it out of my hand.”

Somehow, that line keeps coming back to me. Mebbe God knows of the struggles in my heart sometimes, to desire for these things. I have more than my fair share of days, that I spend musing abt the possibilities that would exist if I were rich… from convenience, to dreams of philanthropy, to how it would be so much easier for girls to see me as a good catch… I guess I’m just like a lotta guys out there, very much attracted to the joys that this world has to offer… And so the quote serves as a marvelous reminder to me. Its ok to own them, to have them. To have my own car, my own modern home, money to live in convenience and comfort… its well and truly fine. But I need to learn to grasp it very gently, so that I am always ready to let go when I have to.

Another thing that has bugged me this week was how the fact that re-opening my communication was Grace seems to have stirred up a real hornet’s nest. From fair warnings abt the contemplation of getting back with her or getting into trouble again, to many who have asked me abt the possibilities of getting together again… it seems that everyone’s finally able to ask the question they wanted to ask but always couldn’t.

So here’s my answer, to those who asked but weren’t convinced, and those who just haven’t asked, but are interested in knowing. (If you’re neither, you’ve come to the end of this blog entry. Grins.)

I still care for her. Nothing to deny abt that. And I don’t think anything can change that. Your affections, once given out, isn’t really something that you can just withdraw. However, the fact remains that if I had only known her today, I would not have gone down the path that I did back then, since she’s turned out to be so different from who she was at 15. Or perhaps I just didn’t really know her at 15. One’s feelings of love alone - believe it or not - cannot conquer all.

Andrew and I maintain a very fragile peace, or uneasy truce… however you would want to phrase it. Getting back with her would mean putting her in a very tough spot, always torn between the disdain between two people she greatly cares for. Not really something I would wish for her. Also, her choice of him as a mentor hints at the qualities she values, (and I don’t deny Andrew has several commendable traits) which are vastly different from the things that I value. It suggests two people with very different personalities. No wonder she keeps harping on how she doesn’t understand me. Therefore apart from the very romantic ideal that we could get back together again, based on the feelings we have, would really smack of nothing more than mere foolishness.

So we will just have to chart new ground, and learn to care for each other in a different way.

So to all you people out there who are wondering, there’s my final answer. And to all you worry warts out there besides Eric, you can all breathe a sigh of relief too. Grins.

I will just have to keep on waiting for the right girl to finally notice me, then to appreciate me.

Hehz….