Read This Only If You're Waaaaaay Too Free. Serious.

Mebbe it’s the jet lag, mebbe I’m still adjusting to the time difference. But I can’t sleep.

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I gave your question a little more thought, and this might seem overly simplistic… but its what I really think. If you love her more than life, then the pain of not seeing her will be unbearable. Much better to still let her be part of your life. If you’re willing to let her go because it hurts too much, mebbe at the end of the day you really love yourself more.

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Father’s Day in Norway was cool. But it suddenly surfaced a lot of things abt my father that I couldn’t chase away while I was on the bus. I love him dearly, but if I can’t be a much better father than he was, I’d rather be single and never have a child. Cos I’ve seen the kind of damage it does to a child, when you can’t be the sort of parent that you should be.

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The World Cup is a travesty, what with the number of bad referring decisions that’s rapidly turning the whole competition into a lottery – if you’re lucky you win a penalty. If you’re not, you win a red card.

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I’ve missed the piano so much when I was over in Scandinavia in 14 days. I still suck at playing, mind you… but the piano was always an outlet for my emotions when no one’s around… and I’ve had a lot to think abt when I was there, and there was a lot going on inside of me that I couldn’t express or vent.

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I might be getting a job real soon!!!! Whoo hoo!!! Now I can finally pay my bills. Grins.

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So much was going on when I was away, that I’m really a little overwhelmed right now, and have no idea where to start. And I don’t just mean the World Cup. So much happening to those around me, and even more to myself that I think I’m gonna need another holiday to run from the problems that this vacation seems to have created.

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I’ve come full circle to realize who selfish I really am, and how I really don’t know anything at all abt loving pple.

Am more than just a little disappointed with myself.

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Still need to sort out my Stansfield College saga.

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So much to write on the blog, yet everytime I start I think its either gonna bore pple cos they’ve read those sentiments before or else its too long. So I don’t write anything at all which I thought would be substantial, but opt for this kind of crap instead.

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I’ve mentioned this ad nauseum, but I really love Mike Gayle’s books. Sorry man. Its so terrible, my liking it. But at the same time I can’t help but be drawn to it. Paul says its cos I’m a helpless romantic. And I am. But its such an uncool thing to be!!!

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Yes, I’m officially u-n-c-o-o-l.

Sad, no?

Sunset Boulevard

Well, not exactly a boulevard. But its the land of the midnight sun, where the sun never sets. Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you Romaniemi, where I caught the Midnight Sun... a phenomena where the sun reaches the water horizon when setting, then rises again without ever setting.

Hopefully more pictures will follow.

Tee hee!!

Leaving On A Jet Plane (Part 2)

Shit. Leaving in 30 mins.

Just realise that it can suck to suddenly think "there's no one's photo that I can bring with me on the trip, to put in my wallet."

I'm Leaving On A Jet Plane

So I'm gonna be gone till the 28th. Blog's been kindda quiet lately, cos I've been a little preoccupied, and also taking time out for myself. Anyway, I'll leave you with this new gem I picked up from PostSecret, and the song that goes with it. Ravi Zacharias once said "Preach to broken hearts, and you will never lack for an audience." Mebbe that's why the expression of longing always gets pple nodding their heads along. At some level we all want what we cannot have, or do not have. And that's why PostSecret is making so much money...



I was asked - which is more painful, to see someone you love with someone else, or to not see that someone at all. Hmm... I think I answered your question pretty badly, gimme some time to think through it on the trip and I'll try to give a better answer to you when I'm back.

Bye guys... Will be back from my trip with more thoughts, and perhaps a picture or two even!!! Scandinavia, here I come...

Goodbye To Romance

On some days, I think this is how I really am, that trying to be otherwise would basically be selling myself out.

On other days like this, I tell myself I really need to stop living my life by the songs that I listen to. That romanticism is a lie, and leaves you with absolutely nothing to show for it.

Hard to imagine, that a God who loves you will always take away before your very eyes all that you desire to have even more than your life itself. Maybe He only allows you to keep that which you don’t love but simply possess. So that the trick is to stop believing you can possess true love. You either love, or you possess. Take your pick.

And maybe that’s the way to go.

Maybe goodbye isn't as difficult as I always made it out to be. After all, we'll get to meet in the end, isn't it?



Goodbye To Romance
Yesterday has been and gone
Tomorrow will I find the sun or will it rain
Everybody's having fun except me
I'm the lonely one
I live in shame

I said hey, goodbye to romance
Goodbye to friends,
I tell you, goodbye to all the past
I guess that we'll meet,
We'll meet in the end

I've been the king, I've been the clown
Now broken wings can't hold me down
I'm free again
The jester with the broken crown
It won't be me this time around
To love in vain

And I feel the time is right although
I know that you just might say to me
What you gonna do
What you gonna do
But I have to take this chance
Goodbye to friends and to romance
And to all of you
And to all of you

And the winter is looking fine
And I think the sun will shine again
And I feel I've cleared my mind
All the past is left behind again

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Just For You

More times than not I don't know what to say, much less what to do. There are times when we go through some of the darkest moments in our lives, daring to even be angry at God. Yet I pray that in spite of the despair in your heart, you will come to a subtle realization of God's ever-faithful presence, and the love that He always has for you. You're constantly in my thougts and prayers...

Wounded Soldier
Wounded Soldier, on the ground. Broken, bleeding, beaten down.
Feeling defeated, feeling not needed. Alone, abandoned, on the battleground.
Wounded Soldier, faithful friend. Beaten down by those you defend.
Your heart once open, now pierced and broken… needing hope, to rise again…

Let Me bind up every wound, let Me comfort every pain
Let Me carry you to a place of rest, shelter from pouring rain
Let Me hold you, I can be right where you are!
Let Me hold you, in the shelter of my heart!
When you’re weary from the battles and all hope just seems so far,
Just remember I am with you, faithfully guarding your heart…

While the battle rages on, I will hold you through the night.
In the shadow of the cross, I’ll be your champion, fight your fight!
Let me hold you, I can be right where you are!
Let me hold you, in the shelter of my heart!

Wounded Soldier, you’ll rise again! You can trust Me, I always win!
When you face harshness, or total darkness,
I’m ever watching, faithful to defend.
Wounded Soldier, faithful one. When you’re fallen, I’ll help you run.
With every testing, I’ll bring you resting, and say to you:
“My child, well done!”

Let Me bind up every wound, let Me comfort every pain
Let Me carry you to a place of rest, shelter from pouring rain
Let Me hold you, I can be right where you are!
Let Me hold you, in the shelter of my heart!
When you’re weary from the battle and all hope just seems so far,
Just remember I am with you, faithfully guarding your heart…

When you feel you can’t go on, you’ll be weak, and I’ll be strong.
With the power of my strongest love, from my heart’s deepest song!
Let me hold you! I can be right where you are!
Let me hold you! In the shelter of my heart!

Set Apart For God (Part 2)

I repent of ever having recorded one single song, and ever having performed one concert, if my music, and more importantly, my life has not provoked you into Godly jealousy or to sell out more completely to Jesus! — Keith Green

Keith Green was 15 the first time he ran away from home. He started a journal that ran for years as he looked for musical adventure and spiritual truth. Keith had a Jewish background, but he grew up reading the New Testament. He called it "an odd combination" that left him open minded, but deeply unsatisfied. His journey led him to drugs, eastern mysticism, and free-love.

When Keith was 19 he met a fellow seeker/musician named Melody. They were married a year later -- but his spiritual quest continued. Then when he had nearly given up hope, Keith found the truth he was looking for. He was 21 and he never looked back.

What once confused him now made sense as he proudly told the world, “I'm a Jewish Christian." As soon as Keith opened his heart to Jesus, he and Melody opened their home. Anyone with a need, or who wanted to kick drugs, or get off the street, was welcome. Of course, they always heard plently about Jesus.

Not only did Keith's life take a radical turn, but as an accomplished musician and songwriter, so did his music. His quest for stardom ended. His songs now reflected the absolute thrill of finding Jesus and seeing his own life radically changed. Keith's spiritual intensity not only took him beyond most people's comfort zones, but it constantly drove him even beyond himself.

Somewhat reluctantly, Keith was thrust into a "John the Baptist" type ministry—calling believers to wake up, repent, and live a life that looked like what they said they believed. Keith felt he would have met Jesus sooner if not for Christians who led double lives. He made audiences squirm by saying, “If you praise and worship Jesus with your mouth and your life does not praise and worship him, there's something wrong!"

The radical commitment Keith preached was also a desire of his own heart. He said, “Loving Him is to be our cause. He can take care of a lot of other causes without us, but He can’t make us love Him with all our heart. That’s the work we must do... Anything else is an imitation.”

Keith's songs were often birthed during his own spiritual struggles. He pointed the finger at himself, penning honest and vulnerable lyrics—but he left room for God to convict the rest of us too. He knew the journey to heaven often winds through muddy valleys, and saw no value in portraying things as otherwise.

With Keith's honesty, he would have chafed against a glossed-over reading of his own life. After all, Keith was in the spotlight as he grew in Jesus. He made mistakes. We miss something essential when we overlook the frailty and humanity of those who've gone before us. Keith was far from perfect, but he honestly hungered after righteousness—constantly asking the Holy Spirit to, "change my heart, convict me of my sin." And when he was convicted, he took action. If he needed to repent, he repented. If he needed to phone someone to ask forgiveness, he did.

For Keith, meeting Jesus was one thing. Becoming more like Him was another. After striving for years to measure up to God's holiness, at times questioning his own salvation, Keith came into a deeper understanding of the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross—both to forgive his sins, and to clothe him in His own righteousness. It wasn't that Keith became less concerned with purity and holiness. But he was now motivated more by love and less by fear in His pursuit of Jesus.

While on earth, Keith struggled with the same things we do—discipline, deadlines, problems crying for attention. He had music to write and a growing family. And he was also discipling the 70 believers who had come to be part of Last Days Ministries—the ministry he and Melody expanded from the outreach that began in their home. But he learned, in the midst of it all, the importance of pausing simply to behold the glory of God and to enjoy His presence. That is perhaps, more than anything, the legacy Keith would have wanted us to remember.

In seven short years of knowing Jesus, the Lord took Keith from concert crowds of 20 or less—to stadiums of 12,000 people who came to hear only him. His recordings were chart topping—and when he began to give his recordings away for whatever people could afford, some misunderstood. His views were often controversial but never boring. Television and radio appearances became the norm. Still, Keith's heart was to please the Lord and build His kingdom, not his own.

And in the last few months of his life, the Lord turned Keith's heart once again toward the lost. He wanted to go back out into the streets, the prisons, and the nations to reach those without God. He wanted to sing to them. He wanted to tell them how much Jesus loved them. However, it was not to be.

On July 28, 1982, there was a small plane crash and Keith went home to be with Jesus. The crash also took the life of his three year old son Josiah, and his two year old daughter, Bethany. Melody was home with their one year old, Rebekah, and was also six weeks pregnant with their fourth child, Rachel. Keith was only 28 years old.

Although Keith is now with Jesus, his life and ministry is still making a huge impact around the world. His songs and passionate delivery are still changing lives. His writings are translated into many languages. Keith once said, "When I die I just want to be remembered as a Christian." It's safe to say he reached his goal, and perhaps, a bit more.

Keith Green was simply a man of conviction. When his convictions led him to an eternally worthy object in the person of Jesus he sold all that he had—ambitions, possessions, and dreams—to possess His love. In so doing he became a man of devotion. He also became a man remembered, and still missed, by millions around the world.

The only music minister to whom the Lord will say, "Well done, thy good and faithful servant," is the one whose life proves what their lyrics are saying, and to whom music is the least important part of their life. Glorifying the only worthy One has to be a minister's most important goal! — Keith Green

The New Man In My Life

On the journey over to Levenshulme they talked about the New Year and what they hoped to get out of it. Neil told Jo that he was planning to take a career break and travel for a while because he was afraid that he was missing out on life by working all the time. Jo told him about her hopes for her novel, and that if no one was interested in it, she’d write something new: Rob’s praise had inspired her.

“Well,” she said, as Neil pulled up outside her house, “this is me.”

He leaned across and kissed her cheek. “It was great to meet you.”

“You too.” Jo opened the car door. “Have a great New Year.”

She stepped out of the car and was about to close the door when Neil spoke again: “May I say something to you? Its more advice than anything else.”

“Of course,” said Jo. “What is it?”

“I just wanted to say to you that I know it must be hard for you.”

“What’s hard for me?”

“And I know too that, right now, your heart must feel like its being broken apart… but it will heal… You will get over it. Time will help you to accept that in life there are things you can have and things you can’t, and that’s just the way it is.”

Jo was stunned. “How did you –”

“It takes one to know one,” he replied. “Just make sure you look after yourself.”

Jo closed the car door and watched as he drove away. Then she turned to her house and rooted in her bag for her keys. She opened the door, closed it behind her and cried as if she would never stop.

- Brand New Friend, Mike Gayle