Post Birthday Entry...

I guess I’m due for a belated birthday entry.

Scandinavia has come and gone… so much has been going on in my life that has left me with so little time to think and act. I‘ve been spending the past 2 weeks since returning… reacting to everything going on around me. Been so tired out also, that I really haven’t had much impulse to indulge in my whoring for public attention via this blog.

Thus the radio silence.

I was told yesterday that my belief in communities always forces me to walk a very thin line. I don’t give myself space to make mistakes, since the consequences are ten times more severe in the context of community. By keeping every friend of mine separate from one another, I can jeopardize one friendship and still find solace in the others.

I guess that’s true.

The tricky thing abt community is that when things are going fine, the synergy can really be a force used for good… everyone is very encouraged and built up. Its like a rainforest that becomes an eco-system in itself, each one playing an active role in sustaining one another. But it only takes one spark within that system during a dry spell, to spark a raging fire that can clean out the whole rainforest overnight.

But I guess I wouldn’t have done it any other way. The tacky side of me will always decide that I’d much rather have lived and died, instead of never having truly lived before.

Speaking of living… I’ve now a total of 27 years to account for, yet somehow nothing much seems to have changed. I’m beginning to ask myself if I should only check back here again when I’m 40, and the wandering is supposed to have ceased. Hehz…

It’s been a quiet birthday, the kind that I like. It had its moments, such as the party that Weixiu put a lotta effort into throwing, yet also the element of minimal fanfare in that very few wished me a happy birthday this yr as compared to the previous years. And for that, I’m truly grateful. Being able to spend my entire birthday this year doing only what I wanna do, without having to oblige anyone at all felt really great.

I was told that I seem to have withdrawn myself a lot from pple over the past half a year. I’ve stopped bothering to maintain a lot of the peripheral relationships that I used to bother about. I guess I just got too tired of caring. When you’re approaching 30, you’re supposed to be slowly phasing out the friends that you know will never really be there for you, and learn to reserve your time only for those that by now you know truly matters.

I guess its fine when you’re the one doing the phasing out. The shock comes when you realize that you who live by the sword also dies by it. The gradual realization did hit me that amongst my friends, I too, am slowly being phased out of some of their lives.

Ah well. C’est la vie…

The aftermath of Zidane’s sending off still seems to reverberate and taint Italy’s triumph at the World Cup. Calls for investigation, ugly speculations as to what must have been said to have elicited such a response from a footballing gentleman, verbal exchanges of slurs and lies in the papers… coupled with the match-fixing scandal that is already rocking Serie A, I think the Italians deserve a little bit of compassion.

Honestly, I think aside from the penalty they won against Australia that was undeserved, they have generally performed well and won the World Cup on their merits. Yet to never be able to enjoy the fruits of their success because of the complications that surround it.. it sucks. It seems to have taken the shine off the victory, and it seems to have therefore diminished the respect and credit that they deserve.

Ah well.

On my part. I’m just glad its over and we can all go back to adjusting our bio clocks to sleep.

Sleeping of sleep…

Time for me to sign off.

Will be back after my Macau trip. Back on 25th July.

I start work on the 26th!!