An Old Era, A New Resolution

An era in my life has come to an end…

It is with great sense of loss and anguish that I stand before you today, and declare that it is official – Music Diary on 933 is coming to an end. No more soppy stories of pple’s lives, paired with cheesy selections of songs that were meant to accompany/compliment/contrast the moods of the letters that are read out.

It represents the single greatest loss to my office daily highlights, as I shall now have to resort other means to carve out something to look forward to, day after day in the office.

Hehz…

But seriously, Music Diary represented a chapter of my life for the whole of 2 yrs, where it became a means for me to live a vicarious existence. And even tho I admit that the timing of its demise is pretty timely, it is still with great sadness and nostalgia, that I bid it goodbye.

On other fronts, I think some pple have been expressing concern at my doom and gloom posts…

Sigh.

Thanks pple.

I’m really fine. This is a whine-and-bitch-and-moan blog. You won’t find a lot of thanks-giving taking place inside here. So don’t just read this and conclude that I’m having a really rough time… I probably am, which explains the amt of bitching I do here… but there’s more to my life ya? I do have highlights… such as the fact that Man Utd is now top of the table after a perfect start to the new season.

God really IS a Man Utd fan after all!!!!

Grins.

My new resolution for the rest of this year is very simple. Whatever I expect of others, I shd expect of myself.

So… I shall try my darnest best to stop pointing out problems I see… unless I’m willing to pay a price and attempt to resolve it.

Most of recent griping posts abt church have been because I realize church is really quite bitchy place… Everyone has a comment abt someone else, and how he/she shd be living, and what changes need to be made to their lives to be right before God… when more often than not their concern is that they be right before themselves.

If you want to point out what’s wrong in someone’s life, people… you only get to do so if you’re willing to pay a personal price to help change things. Otherwise, just shut your trap and stop being so concerned. Your concern doesn’t help to change anything, much less help anyone.

And pls pls pls pls pls pls pls dun get me wrong. I dun refer specifically to anyone or any incident in church. I’ve been hearing quite a lot abt finger-pointing in churches lately, abt pple who are really good at expressing their concern towards other pple… they do so from their own comfort zone, unwilling to lift a finger to take responsibility. “Praying for you” is abt all they are willing to do. I guess if a;ll you can do is pray for the person, then God is really doing all the work. Then HE gets to raise HIS concerns… and you get to shut up.

Grins.

SO… that’ll be my new project till X’mas. To learn to give thanks for the things I see around me, and to learn to “carry each other’s burdens” instead of being too eager to decide for others how they need to be corrected in Christ.

A Silence Breaks...

Wow...

I think I'm finally learning to keep my word...

My blog is finally becoming a place where I drop in once in a blue moon...

What's amazing is that I still can average 12-15 hits a day despite its prolonged period of hibernation...

Hahaha.... Thank you one and all, my faithful readers...

Work has been incredibly busy, since its the financial peak period... Coupled with the many things I've since taken up (Gab & Zhiming, CF, Wedding preps...) that piles on top of my current commitments (church, work, studies, Levite Ministry, cell grp...), I think I'm just about ready for Christ to come back soon. Real soon. Cos its either that, or I go to Him.

Soon.

Real soon.

Grins.

Of course, to the many whom I promised to meet up yet always end up apologizing to for my lack of time, thank you one and all for your understanding... (Gosh, something's the matter with me. I sound like I'm making a speech...) I think I'm a p[erson who is always just a little slow to adapt and adjust. So I'm gonna need some time to sort out my time, before some semblance of order returns back into my life, and I can better arrange my time.

In the meantime, I still try my best to change the songs on my blog for you all to enjoy... Short bits or bytes of my life that takes 30-seconds to post will still make their due appearnce... but there'll pretty much be a lot less of that long drivel I used to always post. I suspect many of you will be secretly pleased.

Gotta go.

Tonight I'm rushing off after work to take Hansheng for CF studies, then visit Simon who's recovering from dengue.

All this while, I carry an incredibly stiff lower back that's causing me to grimace in pain everytime I stand up or sit down. Really tempted to go see a doc and get MC... but too much work to be done in the office already. Don't wanna kill my colleagues.

Hehz...

Take care, guys.

I'll be back!

Promise!!!

Feeling Neglected?

"The next time you feel like no one bothers about you, just delay your credit card bills payment by a couple of months."
- Prof Ikiddyounotosan, Class 95 Morning Express

Brokenness

Yes, I confess I have all of a sudden disappeared. And yes, it was partly deliberate. I needed some space and time to myself, and what with all the travelling I had to do in the last month, it seemed like the perfect excuse to take time out for myself, to finally take on some long-standing issues that I've left untouched for way too long. My absence was also enforced by work, and the fatigue that it inevitably brings on.

So... here I am, back again... I doubt I will be posting with the same degreee of ferocity as before... and I will prety much be reverting back to the true nature of the blog, to the state that it was always intended to be.

Lots of things around me seem to be falling apart. And it seems that when things don't work out well, people get angry. They get frustrated. So they start looking for fault, for something or someone to blame. And when they realise they can't really blame anyone or anything other than themselves, they start to pick at the fault of others, so as to get past themselves.

I've been at the receiving end of some of that myself lately. And I find myself curiously angry... not at the person who did me wrong... but at the state of affairs that led to this.

I guess I'm disappointed.

For some time now, I've been very pro-mercy instead of pro-justice. I mentioned something like this for some time already. For example... when someone in church has been guilty of something big... and everyone has something to say abt what's happening... the worse you can hear would be the plain bitching abt how that person always had it coming and so totally deserved all that was meted out to him. The less-vicious ones would discuss how he has sinned... using both the bible as well as their human 'wisdom' to analyze and dissect "where he went wrong". And I guess these two categories would make up abt 95% of all the reactions from church. I guess if I had my way with things, there would still have been those who would point out the right from the wrong... but there would have been a lot more people who woulod be concerned with "I wonder how he must be feeling now. Someone should be caring for him."

I mean, God said "I desire mercy, not sacrifice." Too often we are so eager to point out right and wrong that we forget to show mercy...

Galatians 6:1-2 says "Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Taken in context, it means that none of us are in a position to restore a brother caught in sin, till we've walked alongside him and carried his burden.

I used to be a Saul to those who have stumbled on the path before... quick to rebuke and be righteously concerned at an apparent wrong that someone is doing... and I've also been on the receiving end of such treatment when I myself have been caught in a position of vulnerability. And one lesson I've learnt through it all is that God desires mercy... "He who forgives little wil be forgiven little."

If justice is truly His, why are we so eager to enforce justice and demand that one's sins be met with rebuke and corporal punishment? Where's the mercy?

Don't get me wrong... I'm not saying we therefore condone the wrongs we see around us. But our call is not to address and seek out wrong... our call is to carry each other's burdens. Too often the church has excelled in witch-hunting, and chosen to be uncomfortable with seeing the sins of others... too eager to cast the first stone, not realising that they themselves have much to be similarly stoned for when measured under the same standards.

No wonder therefore that everyone in church ends up drawing away from each other. We're afraid of the witch-hunt... be too transparent and at the first sign of weakness you'll find stones hurtling towards you instead of merciful words of love... how will we ever dare to open up to others, when we ourselves have been equally guilty of the mob mentality? We're afraid of showing our true selves, out of fear that we'll receive the treatment we're so adept at dishing out.

And so I'm angry. Angry at myself, angry at the way things are. Its such a simple solution... yet we all seem to fall short of being able to do it. So much easier to be in a position of authority, and bring out the adulterous woman... So much easier on our delicate conscience as Christians, that we see sin and we stamp it out... not realising we're also stamping in the sinner in the process.

So Christians go around throwing out the baby with the bath water, and wonder why nobody in the world believes in their message of a God who came to show love and compassion to those who have sinned.

I guess one lesson I've learnt in my month away from everyone, is that love does not condemn. It always perseveres, and always hopes. Love carries the burdens of the one who sins, and does not pile on the load of guilt to the one who is already heavy-laden. I used to be very good at pointing out the faults of this and that person, and phrase it in such a manner that it falls just nicely on the side of righteous concern instead of self-righteous indulgence.... The new lesson I'm learning now is to show mercy, and carry that person's burdens.

Unless I can bother to do that, I myself am guilty of not fulfilling the law of Christ... what right do I then have, to ignore the plank in my own eye and pick at the speck in the other person's eye?

I guess that's why ultimately I realise that as angry as I might be at whomever has done me wrong, I have no right to be angry at him until I have stood alongside him and carried his burdens.

And maybe that's what Christ meant by turning the other cheek.