Brokenness

Yes, I confess I have all of a sudden disappeared. And yes, it was partly deliberate. I needed some space and time to myself, and what with all the travelling I had to do in the last month, it seemed like the perfect excuse to take time out for myself, to finally take on some long-standing issues that I've left untouched for way too long. My absence was also enforced by work, and the fatigue that it inevitably brings on.

So... here I am, back again... I doubt I will be posting with the same degreee of ferocity as before... and I will prety much be reverting back to the true nature of the blog, to the state that it was always intended to be.

Lots of things around me seem to be falling apart. And it seems that when things don't work out well, people get angry. They get frustrated. So they start looking for fault, for something or someone to blame. And when they realise they can't really blame anyone or anything other than themselves, they start to pick at the fault of others, so as to get past themselves.

I've been at the receiving end of some of that myself lately. And I find myself curiously angry... not at the person who did me wrong... but at the state of affairs that led to this.

I guess I'm disappointed.

For some time now, I've been very pro-mercy instead of pro-justice. I mentioned something like this for some time already. For example... when someone in church has been guilty of something big... and everyone has something to say abt what's happening... the worse you can hear would be the plain bitching abt how that person always had it coming and so totally deserved all that was meted out to him. The less-vicious ones would discuss how he has sinned... using both the bible as well as their human 'wisdom' to analyze and dissect "where he went wrong". And I guess these two categories would make up abt 95% of all the reactions from church. I guess if I had my way with things, there would still have been those who would point out the right from the wrong... but there would have been a lot more people who woulod be concerned with "I wonder how he must be feeling now. Someone should be caring for him."

I mean, God said "I desire mercy, not sacrifice." Too often we are so eager to point out right and wrong that we forget to show mercy...

Galatians 6:1-2 says "Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Taken in context, it means that none of us are in a position to restore a brother caught in sin, till we've walked alongside him and carried his burden.

I used to be a Saul to those who have stumbled on the path before... quick to rebuke and be righteously concerned at an apparent wrong that someone is doing... and I've also been on the receiving end of such treatment when I myself have been caught in a position of vulnerability. And one lesson I've learnt through it all is that God desires mercy... "He who forgives little wil be forgiven little."

If justice is truly His, why are we so eager to enforce justice and demand that one's sins be met with rebuke and corporal punishment? Where's the mercy?

Don't get me wrong... I'm not saying we therefore condone the wrongs we see around us. But our call is not to address and seek out wrong... our call is to carry each other's burdens. Too often the church has excelled in witch-hunting, and chosen to be uncomfortable with seeing the sins of others... too eager to cast the first stone, not realising that they themselves have much to be similarly stoned for when measured under the same standards.

No wonder therefore that everyone in church ends up drawing away from each other. We're afraid of the witch-hunt... be too transparent and at the first sign of weakness you'll find stones hurtling towards you instead of merciful words of love... how will we ever dare to open up to others, when we ourselves have been equally guilty of the mob mentality? We're afraid of showing our true selves, out of fear that we'll receive the treatment we're so adept at dishing out.

And so I'm angry. Angry at myself, angry at the way things are. Its such a simple solution... yet we all seem to fall short of being able to do it. So much easier to be in a position of authority, and bring out the adulterous woman... So much easier on our delicate conscience as Christians, that we see sin and we stamp it out... not realising we're also stamping in the sinner in the process.

So Christians go around throwing out the baby with the bath water, and wonder why nobody in the world believes in their message of a God who came to show love and compassion to those who have sinned.

I guess one lesson I've learnt in my month away from everyone, is that love does not condemn. It always perseveres, and always hopes. Love carries the burdens of the one who sins, and does not pile on the load of guilt to the one who is already heavy-laden. I used to be very good at pointing out the faults of this and that person, and phrase it in such a manner that it falls just nicely on the side of righteous concern instead of self-righteous indulgence.... The new lesson I'm learning now is to show mercy, and carry that person's burdens.

Unless I can bother to do that, I myself am guilty of not fulfilling the law of Christ... what right do I then have, to ignore the plank in my own eye and pick at the speck in the other person's eye?

I guess that's why ultimately I realise that as angry as I might be at whomever has done me wrong, I have no right to be angry at him until I have stood alongside him and carried his burdens.

And maybe that's what Christ meant by turning the other cheek.