Please Do Not Format Me

I’ve been thinking abt the way everyone sees human relationships… and how very often we all try to find a comfort zone to operate under. I was speaking to a friend recently, and I told him that he needs to learn to move out of his paradigm where he has a template in his mind of the way things ought to be in the way pple relate to each other… and he should stop being uncomfortable when he sees someone whose behaviour violates the template that he cherishes.

For example… many of us are so quick to take issues with a Christian whom they perceive to be unequally yoked. Reactions vary from a word of caution to outright chastisement. Even worse are those who says “Don’t worry, I’m still your friend and I’ll be here for you”, yet spend more time than not reminding his friend that he is wrong and living in sin.

Some will know I’m referring to, when I said that I know someone whom many perceived to be in an unequally yoked relationship. Many were the church leaders who would say to him that “What you’re doing is wrong. You’ve got to stop. But I want you to know that no matter what you do, I’ll still be here for you.” After saying that to ease their own conscience, they proceed to carry on making him feel like the most lonely guy in the world, since they would always qualify their support for him with the repeated reminder that they think he was wrong. They would consider removing him from positions of leadership, behave condescendingly towards him, yet all the while maintaining the form of showing support, sans the substance of it.

And I really didn’t get it. As much as you can’t qualify an apology without making it lose its sincerity, neither can you claim to be there for a person when you’re more interested in getting the point across that he’s doing something wrong.

I could name so many cases of people who have been badly burnt by, ironically, the church. Its funny that of all places, the church is the least willing to accept a fellow sinner… instead, each and every one of us is so eager to force each other into the template of “how things ought to be”… and are unable to see that we are actually more interested in eradicating that which makes us uncomfortable, since it jeopardizes our paradigm of what’s right and wrong.

So instead of being more interested in the person, we end up being more fixated by the law…

I wonder at those who in the aftermath of what happens, can sit down to analyze why there are some who leave church after receiving what is perceived to be Godly advice. They then self-righteously conclude that the person must have been really rebellious against God, and that they’ve done all they could to play the role of good and Godly counsel. (Think Job.)

In the meantime they forgot that if their act causes someone to stumble, then they have in effect tied a stone around their own necks, and thrown themselves into the sea.

People – this is a church. It is made up of people, not laws. Even Jesus Himself did not cast a single stone at the adulterous woman, so who are we to go around casting the first stones at each other?

In short – the principle to remember, everyone: Always always always always always…. Be quick to build up, and be slow to tear down. And I don’t mean by mere words, because talk is very very cheap. As difficult (as we who have engaged in discipleship before will all know) as it is to build up a life, the harder it is to learn to really be there for someone, where you actions mirror your words. So if you’re going to claim to be around for someone, then you need to review your actions to see if you’ve really done that, or merely self-righteously satisfied yourself that you’ve done what’s right.

And worse still…. If you wanna tear down someone and tell him what he’s doing is wrong, make sure the way you tell him that is not wrong yourself… lest you yourself be doubly judged.

And yes, this applies above all to myself. The next time I tell any of you that I have ‘concerns’ abt your behaviour, pls remind me of this post.

Pls do.