Arrived at school at 7:30 today, courtesy of my sis who drove herself to work. A new milestone to mark on this new year. *applause* Its a quiet and drowsy morning, and I'm feeling kindda sad and down, for no particular reason. Lonely? Frustrated? Worried? I dunno... I always feel that I dream of achieving greatness, then wallow between regret at what I"ve failed to do, and paranoia that I'm gonna spend the rest of my life in similiar regret, thus never achieving greatness. Grins. Talk abt needing therapy huh?
Lotsa questions I ask abt myself: Am I overly pre-occupied with pleasing others? How do I draw the line between putting others first, and being overly concerned with pleasing others? Does anyone actually care abt what I do? Am I really overly self-concious? How does one who is so self-concious be so blind abt his faults? How do I change? What needs to be changed?
Whoa. Down boy.
Sigh...
Church is a mess once again. After a good X'mas and New Yr, in which I was getting more optimistic abt the whole church scenario, its again just degenerated into one big mess. Am really disappointed with the whole Andrew saga, and the ugly words he's been using. Guess it really hurts when someone you used to look up to so much can turn out to disappoint you the way he has. All my worship leaders have left the ministry in the space of a month, creating a mini crisis in the ministry, and a mini crisis in my faith that the Lord will provide. My sis this morning was just suggesting that I too, resign and leave before I literally become the last man standing. Hehz... Tempting... for that moment, at least...
Have a whole day of lessons ahead of me, feeling the lethargy already. Think I really need to get up and going, and perk myself up. Positive thoughts, Peng. You can do it!
*klunk*
That's my attempt falling flat on my face. Sigh... Guess its back to trudging through the day now... Grins.
WHO THE FUCK READS BLOGS?????
Just realised the number of views on my page. Absolutely bewildered by who out there still gets redirected to blogs. Surely no advertisers...
1 comment:
Hi bro, I have arrived at your blog 3 years late! Well, better late than never, right? I'm starting the old-fashioned way... from the beginning. Actually it's not such a bad idea cuz, if you're reading this, then you get to think back to the time, do some rewinding and reflecting?
I've always been aware that 2nd Service need more people to come forward to serve, which led me to conclude that there must have been a time when there were a lot of people serving, and they all disappeared in a flash. Thanks to your sharing here, now I know it happened circa Jan 2004. I think those people who left could/should have been more responsible.. at least try to install successors, or do something to soften the impact that their departure would have had on 2nd Service. Actually, in which year did 2nd Service start? Were these worship leaders who left the very pioneers of 2nd Service?
You mentioned "the whole Andrew saga". Is this the same and only Andrew I know from church, i.e. Yuzhen's husband, who became a deacon but whom I hardly see in church nowadays (any idea why?)? What saga? Never knew there was one! To be honest I've always had a good impression of him, from my experiences at the few camps I attended, or when we had combined fellowship etc. Had no idea that he could be so different, prior to my reading your blog! From your sharing, it seems he must have hurt you quite deeply. Hence my shock. I'm sure in the days to come as I read more here, I will really start to understand this "Andrew saga" better. For now all I will say is I just hope that 3 years hence, you have emerged wiser, and healed, from the hurt.
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