The Winner Takes It All

So everything's finally settled, and my grandma has been laid to rest. The really really busy week is finally over, and the family can get back to the business of the daily humdrum of life. Was at the Esplanade last night, catching Mamma Mia, the collection of songs from ABBA made into a musical. I've always liked the stage since I was a kid, and always enjoyed a good musical. From My Fair Lady to Fiddler On The Roof, the musical stage has always managed to enthrall me with the song's ability to capture the moods and sentiments in a way that mere prose and dialogue never could. And last night was absiolutely unforgettable. Throw aside the fact that I was again playing lightbulb to Weimin and Enhan, the show was nothing short of spectacular, and even though it prob wasn't too good from a professional point of view since even I caught some mistakes they made, it was nonetheless a really well put up, and even more cleverly written script, stringing together some of ABBA's greatest hits.

Admittedly I went with a pretty limited understanding of ABBA's songs, the only one I know well being The Winner Takes It All, I actually heard most of their songs before. After all, who hasn't? The story was of a girl who was getting married the next day, but does not know who her real father is. After all, her mom slept with three men at abt the same time, so anyone of them could have fathered her. So she sets out to find out, by inviting all three to her wedding. So the story goes, and the songs just don't stop coming one after another, strung up very nicely.

I wasn't disappointed with the rendition of The Winner Takes It All. Really well delivered, and cleverly inserted into the storyline. Something abt the lyrics to the song always strikes a chord in me. The resignation that it expresses, the regret and the fatalism that it brings out... hehz.

The Winner Takes It All
I don't wanna talk
About the things we've gone through
Though it's hurting me
Now it's history
I've played all my cards
And that's what you've done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play
The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
That's her destiny

I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking I'd be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules
The gods may throw a dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear
The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
It's simple and it's plain
Why should I complain

But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say
Rules must be obeyed
The judges will decide
The likes of me abide
Spectators of the show
Always staying low
The game is on again
A lover or a friend
A big thing or a small
The winner takes it all

I don't wanna talk
If it makes you feel sad
And I understand
You've come to shake my hand
I apologize
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence
But you see
The winner takes it all

Ah well. I remember as a kid thinking that the good guys always win. That somehow, as long as I'm a good guy, I won't end up on the dirt, at least not for long. But that has perhaps come as one of the biggest fantasy that has been shattered, as I find myself again and again on the receiving end of being too nice. If I were a little more of a bastard, I might have got the girl. Cut a corner and I'd have made more money. Stopped trying to help people and I'd have wasted a lot less money, have more time for myself, and mebbe end up being a lot more streetwise. And now looking back at the song I'm reminded that at the end of the day its the winner who takes it all. Why be the nice guy? Nice guys always finish last.

Someday I'm going to have to revisit my spiritual life. Was telling God last night after the show, as I was taking a walk at the park beside Thomson Plaza, that I think sometimes its always so hard to look to future glory, because so many things here seems to capture my heart. From the fact that at 25 I still dunno what I wanna do with my life, to the ever-present struggle between wanting a soul-mate to settle down with and the cynicism that such a girl really exists, to wondering whY I can't evern seem to embrace the innocent faith and love for God I see in many pple around me.

I think I fall into the category of guys who only wants what he can't have. And God's love is just a little too easy to win. And therefore just a little too easy to forget. Shit man. Mebbe God was right after all to make me wait just about forever to meet my partner. Just so I don't forget her name on the way home. Muahahaha...