My week

England just posted a 1-0 win against Austria, with my dear Beckham again being sent off. No doubt he'll be crying to the media once again about how he's been the victim of a harsh decision, after which will follow stories of huge conspiracies against him.

The whole week has sped past me so fast. Its scary to think that the wedding is just 2 weeks away from now. So many things are still so unsettled. I still dunno what song to sing (the rehearsal is on thursday), I still haven't worked out with anyone the sequence for the dinner (I'm the emcee), I need to cut my hair, decide on what to wear so I can borrow the appropriate ties from Paul (yes darling, I'm gonna need to borrow them, by the way...), just to list some of the more major things I have yet to do for the wedding.

Its really scary. I can't even begin to imagine how my sis must be feeling.

Married.

As much as we all mull so much over whether or not this is the right one for me, we acknowledge the uncertainty of it all evne within a r/s... how much more scary it is to step into such an uncertain and irrevocable position as to be married to that someone? Some people fear death because of the uncertainty ahead - no one knows what's gonna happen whe you cross over to the other side. And as much as there is an irony here about using death as the analogy, I guess that's really the greatest doubt that crosses everyone's mind.

Man...

Weixiu's already making such a big meal out of just getting attached. I think I shd tell her boyfriend to propose on their first date out, cos it'll prob take her the next 20 yrs to decide to say yes.

Grins.

My manager's returning next week, so there goes my goofing off in the office. Sigh. Things just always seem to be getting tougher and tougher eveywhere. I'm just gonna be glad once the month is over, cos it'll mean the wedding's over and done with - and that I'll have gotten my first full paycheck. Hehz... Yes, I owe Weixiu a treat. Hmm... thinking MacDonald's or KFC...

Wuahahahahaha...

This week of talking to so many pple, and the topic mainly abt r/s, I guess its sort of stirred up in me again longings that I thought I had put down pretty well already. I told myself that I'd wait till I graduated before I considered dating, but with a lot of the cobversations lately centering about how timing is so important in getting hitched to the right person, I'm wondering if I shd let my 3-yr window be a determining factor in deciding whether or not its bad timing... So that if opportunity comes up, I'd actually go for it instead of sticking by my decision to wait it out.

Cos its a really lonely path to tread alone. I've always wanted to bring my own girlfriend to my sis's wedding. Or at least I had always pictured bringing Grace. To somehow now be going there alone suddenly made me again think abt how the future we had envisioned together, and the dreams we had built up over 4 yrs, has all come to naught now. As much as that somehow makes me very cautious abt getting into another r/s again, there's at the same time the desire to build new dreams with someone else, and to try again to make it work this time round.

Its the same sort of impulse as what you get when you play a game and lose... you wanna straight away give it a second try, and hopefully get it right this time round.

But it just sounds so silly when I equate it to a game.

Sigh.

But ah well.

Tmr will be the last time I run... before the wedding, at least. Its been a good 5 months' worth of work, and I think I do feel a lot healthier, if not for that knee of mine which I suspect will soon have to go. It hurts pretty badly nowadays, even when I'm just walking up the stairs. Not sure what I shd do about it, actually. But tmr I'm sure gonna just give it the run of my life... and hope the knee holds up. It'll be so ironic now if I end up going to the wedding with crutches.

Grins.

Its been a pretty emotinally trying few weeks for everyone, and I've noticed a few people breaking down on various occaions... some very subtle and unnoticeable unless you were aware of what to look out for. Yet such heavy-heartedness has been a very tangible presence, and in many ways contributed to the very low-energy feeling in ministry lately. Tonight at worship prac, Bernice was again sharing so many things that were pressing on her, many of which I can really empathize with.

I know I say it very often.... and don't do it half as much.. I really feel the very heavy burden to be praying more. There's this mental picture that comes to mind where I imagine God just hovering around, waiting for us to really start praying, upon which He will step in to do his work... yet it seems that even though its so simple, we just seem to busy ourselves with everything except pray.

We can really be such silly creature sometimes.

Anyway, I've put up another old song that I've found. Pity I can't do it for my sis's wedding. I gebuinely think its a really sweet song, and so cute.

Ah well.

Mebbe I'll use it for mine.

Wuahahahahahaha...