Rather Long Post

So Good Friday had come and past... had a lot of things done this week, and didn't really have the time to put it down.

On thursday late night I went down to Weixiu's house with Henry, Bernice, Jingliang and Serene to catch The Passion of the Christ, before our Good Friday service. And I think it was a really really good idea!! The next day at service when we were meditating on the 14 stations of Christ on the Via Dolorosa, it really made everything a lot more meaningful.

This has been a week when I had a lotta time to think back on what's been happening around me, and what God might perhaps be actually trying to tell me. Have had the time to get to share a lot more with both Henry and Jingliang, and even Serene as well. People like Huilin and Rulin, from way past in my life, also started becoming back in contact again. And to top it all off, within the week I've had calls from Chuanliang, messages from Jelaine and also met Mrs Lee in PS. All are from my SAJC days, fot the few pple now scratching their heads wondering. And other people aside, the last three have always left me with an uneasy feeling. 8 years on, it seems that God never ceases to remind me of how faithless I've time and again been. I told myself that I would be praying for my class' salvation, and in the odd blue moon that there was, I've actually done that. But for the majority of the time, I've either very cleanly forgotten, or else just decided not to bother with it anymore.

Just this morning Jelaine messaged to wish me Happy Easter. I told her I was really glad to hear from her (and I was!), but I just didn't know how to feel abt it because even as we wanted to wish the christians in our class Happy Easter, I told her I didn't know who was Christian anymore. Cheryl, Derek, Marcus, Yen Li... where did it all go wrong? Chuan Liang & Hanson who were interested in the gospel back then... how're they now? Why is it that its so much easier to hear abt Pariya having just graduated, or Jean just having been promoted, or even Derek and Hanson changing jobs, but so hard to simply inquire about their spiritual lives? I don't even know whether or not to feel that I've let God down.

But God never fails to bring a smile to my face, apparently. Today was a really really REALLY nice surprise to hear from my cousin that he's started attending church at FCBC, and is coming down to my church tmr cos he's trying to encourage Angelina of all people, to start attending church again. I guess to finally hear about ONE within my extended family who has started to go church has really been something that moved me deeply inside. He was one of three cousins that I had brought to my church camp 8 years ago, and he was the only one to have not responded to the altar call. 8 years down the road, I never saw this day coming when he would tell me he's started going to FCBC.

Today we had badminton in the morning, and LAN gaming in the evening. LAN gaming really really helps take away the depression of knowing that at these major events of the year, I don't have anyone special to share them with. Spending it with the Lich or Centaur Warchief helps, I guess. Hehz... But in between that, I attended a mini function in AMK, where my church's region group got together to hold the Passover Feast. I was told there would be a lamb, roasted as per the instructions in Exodus 12. Turns out that since many pple dun eat lamb, and the budget was tight, we settled for something that was beef, and prob just a stew. So the food was a bummer. but the whole event was E-X-C-E-L-L-E-N-T. The speaker did a really brilliant job of explaining the whole process of the Passover, and led us through the significance of each item. If ever anyone needed a reminder of how beautiful liturgy can be, that's a good way to show them. I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Ruth won some MTV contest thing, and I understand there's quite some money coming in. So I'm expecting a nice treat. Grins. Wanted to buy her something to congratulate her, but didn't have time today. So I guess she'll have to settle for the thought that counts, or at least till I'm less busy (Read - next time there's a sale and I can buy something cheap). Grins.

Yesterday I had a good time with Mingyang, working on the Passion of the Christ VCD, which he's trying to clip for SAJC's Easter Week. We were just sharing and catching up, and I really really like him. I guess not the most flattering thing I could say abt him is just how much he reminded me of myself. Except that I was plumper and less tall.. Hehz... But the kind of enthusiasm, the innocence and reckless abandon he was willing to place before God, the things I like to fancy I had when I was his age in SAJC... I remember praying afterwards that he would remain exactly the way he is right now, 8 years on, that he won't have ended up like me. Innocence lost is usually innocence forever lost.

Message on Good Friday Service was good. Yu De Lin is one of my all-time fav speakers, and he certainly didn't let me down. He spoke about our segregation within the church, and how that attitude that demands every believer to only accept the christian who fits into the image of christianity that he has determined is what kills churches today. How we no longer value affirmation, but is usually too quick and eager to promote agendas in church, on the basis of being for the better good of everyone else and the church, and even to clothe the agendas in spiritual contexts to justify them. Kindda reminds me of the verse where Jesus reminds us all that the one who stumbles even one brother had better tie a millstone around his neck and jump into the sea rather than face God's wrath. How many times have I been pissed off at someone whom I think has let down my ministry by not conforming to the expectations of everyone? And how many times have I ended up chasing him or her away because of my indifferent attitude, or even my hostile gestures? I guess even as we now embark on so many reforms within the Youth Service, its a very clear reminder to value fellowship and love over agendas in the church.

Its a long garbled post. I wanted to post down my thoughhts before I forget them, but am too tired to arrange them out. Ah well.

I realise that I usually feel the loneliest when there's a lot on my heart and mind, but no one to share with. Mebbe that's why I feel the way I do right now - a little down, and very very tired.