My Prodigious Life

Just watched Batman Begins this afternoon with Jingliang. I guess of all the Batman series I've watched, I liked this the best. Its by far the darkest and therefore probably one of the most faithful to the original productions I've watched.

Plagued by guilt, anger, doubts and more guilt, he was always the caped crusader with no super-powers, but was truly a mere mortal trying to seek redemption for society, in order to find redemption for himself.

Lots of things inside the show triggered thoughts in me, of what I liked about Batman when I first started watching and reading about him. The most obvious being the mask he wears to hide his identity, and what he tells the cop in the movie "I don't have the luxury of friends". His chronic pessimism that no one would understand if he ever reveals himself, and his resulting polemic nature by day and by night. I remember just smiling to myself when twice Alfred and Bruce Wayne exchanged the same lines of how Alfred never did give up on him. The reiteration was especially poignant for me, in a very pesonal way.

I guess in many ways I'm still looking for my Alfred, that one person that hopes against reason, and even hopes against hope, in me. And if that person turns out to be a girl, I'd marry her right away. Grins. But seriously, I'm someone who thrives on trust and faith. Keep faith in me and I'm motivated to do better. But if I get a hint that some have withdrawn their trust, I let go too easily.

Perhaps that's one thing that has served as a profound anchor in my walk with God. Despite all my periods of spiritual wilderness, through all the darkest moments of my last few years, despite the sense that God has remained silent towards me for the longest time, I don't feel abandoned. There's still a deep abiding sense that God is still there.

And mebbe that's why if ever anyone asks me what my favorite story is, its the story of the prodigal son. The ne'er do good son who has just about exhausted all the patience he deserves, and then some. He probably has already used up the seventy times seven forgiveness Jesus said we're each entitled to. There have been moments when my meditation on that parable reduces me to tears at the lavishness of God's grace, and the depth of His love. That ever abiding faith and love in me, that everytime I come back to Him again after having failed Him, I hear Him telling me that His going up the cross for me was worth it. That He's never regretted doing it.

And as I search for my Alfred here on earth, I guess I'm also reminded that I haver to learn to be one. And I think that's why I place such a fierce premium on loyalty and trust on my friendships. That I never judge a friend as "not being worth my time anymore till he/she learns the folly of his/her ways". Cos I've been there before, on that path of self destruction, and I know what it feels like to have been the one trampled on, or at least the one being judged.

I think of Bruce Wayne, and how people judge him by day, not knowing of the struggles he has inside of him. And again I'm reminded of my favorite quote, that we all live lives of quiet desperation. And I'm again humbled by how profound it can be when Jesus reminds us not to judge the speck in another's eyes. That very often when we privately tag a value on a person based on our own values, it is nothing short of sheer arrogance because a look inside very often reveals we have the same thing in us, and probably more.

Yes, I'm having a wierd epiphany-ish sort of night as I let my thoughts drift. Lotsa verses keep coming to mind, and somehow tagging themselves to the random thoughts I'm having.

I'm going to the gym early tmr, so I better go sleep now. I'm gonna post another story after this, that pretty much is the theme of my thoughts tonight, on forgiveness, and how it is synonymous with grace, faithfulness and abiding trust.

Also, this song "Jennifer", is obviously based on the parable of the prodigal son. Only, this time a daughter. I felt that the song so very well captured the kind of lavishness and value placed upon us by God Himself.