Where Is The Love?

I've been gently chided for quite a few times now, for overly fixating on relationships. Yet they seem to find me, every corner I turn. Just this day alone, one of the girls in the office told me she was so upset with something she found out abt her recent ex that she couldn't eat her dinner and breakfast. The same day *someone* told me he's just been dumped again for the hundredth time. Hopefully it for the last time. *keeps fingers crossed* Grins. And *someone* moped a little about the futility of liking someone when the feeling isn't reciprocated, voicing the tears and frustrations of a billion lonely people oue there in the planet, with me right up there on the same list.

It seems that everywhere I go, the issue comes up. Mebbe its like what I told Henry - lonely hearts know what its like to 'grieve with those who grieve', when the intense feelings of desire are trapped somewhere in between the compulsion to confess the feelings and hope it will be reciprocated, and the resignation that one would rather remain friends than run the risk of losing even the friendship of the apple of one's eye. Thus the guessing game goes on, everyone assuming that theirs is the unreciprocated feelings. I know. I've been there. The compulsion to hold back all my own emotions, and unload it to my dog/blog, while on the outside never ever showing a trace of how I really felt towards the girl. Drives you crazy. I guess in a way those were fond memories, cos a lot of the romance lies in the ambiguity. Without condoning their act, mebbe that's why men often lose their initiative once they've gotten the girl.

Spekaing of grieving with those with grieve, Joseph's grandmother passed away rather suddenly on early wed morning, abt 1am. In a way it was very abrupt, despite the fact that she lived to a grand 99 yrs old, since she was actually perfectly healthy, with no medical history or indication prior to her massive heart attack on sunday. With the wedding less than a month away, it came as double to blow to Jo who is very very very attached to his grandma, since she's always voiced that watching him walk down the aisle was her greatest desire.

I've been to funerals where old friends meet up and catch up, with a lot of laughter in between. Mebbe its cos the family tries to lighten up the atmosphere out of courtesy. Or perhaps for them, the worst has already passed, and the funeral always takes place during the window when they're more numb to their loss. But of all pple, Joseph Sim who hardly ever displays a weak moment (except, perhaps in DotA, where he can't really help it... hehz...), his grief was written all over his face, as well as over the faces of his two sisters. It was hard to watch him struggle to keep his emotions in check as he related to us what happened, and the sorrow he tried to mask were written all over his face. It was hard not to tear a little inside, seeing him struggle to come to terms with the loss, and struggle to get a grip on himself.

I guess as I left the wake, on my way back, it finally struck me that that was really how one grieves with those who grieves. To somehow at one level be able to feel one's loss as if it were one's own, and by doing so, be able to bridge the gap between one person and another, and stand side by side to each other.

Diana even tried calling me, after which she messaged to ask how I am. Was pretty sweet of her. Perhaps I've really been sounding a little too morose lately. Quite a few have asked. I always reply that it might just be my tiredness making me more sorry for myself than usual... and yes, I really do think so. I'm actually really alright in many ways. Yet on the other hand, with everything that's going around me, not even counting what's going on inside me... perhaps I really am right to withdraw and take time out to sort myself out. if I had maniacally gone on as I always did, this week would really have killed me. My time inside my shell now puts me in the right place to reach out to those around me.

Work's been pretty goos to me so far. Am having fun somehow, despipte the rather dry and repetitive task. Made a good fren, and we help each other stay awake and chat away our time. Too tired to say more abt the job already.

Another time perhaps.