Memoirs Of A Geisha

Caught Memoirs Of A Geisha today. Was supposed to watch it 2 weeks back, but it kept getting put back. Decided to catch it before the procrastination results in missing the show altogether. I liked it. And I don’t mean Zhang Ziyi baring a lot of skin. I actually think Gong Li looks so much better.

But this post isn't about the show.

A lot of the dialogue resounded in me. Like the part where the chairman tells her something like “We weren’t supposed to be happy. Every moment of happiness we have is a momentary surprise that we enjoy, then leave behind us.” For me, whom Diana describes as being someone “whose blog reeks with so much sadness and resignation sometimes”, that line really struck a chord with me.

Its been a thought that has been resounding in my head for some time now. I guess we all have a picture in our heads, of how things would be perfect. Not just for ourselves, but for everyone around us. We’d have some sort of order in mind… of who would end up with who, what role each of our friends would play in relation to each other, who ought to have a say in whose life… that sort of thing. Then we look around us, and we say…

“If only…”

“If only this was what happened, then it would mean I would be here and he would be there and then everything would have turned out fine. If only she was this and I was that, then everything would be fine. If only they could this then we could that. If only…”

So maybe the chairman was right. We weren’t meant to be happy. Too many things in our lives turn out to be an “if only”. Too many things in our lives don’t even turn out to be anything at all, as a matter of fact. Happiness is something elusive, that we catch a glimpse of on occasions, that keep us somehow believing that it does exist, even if only for the briefest of moments. So whether it’s a love gone bad, a future turned sour, was inevitable that it had to come to an end. Someone recently quoted on his own blog a recent entry of mine – “When you find something so beautiful that isn't meant to be yours, how do you ever let it go?”

And he’s right when he responded by saying that it’s a really painful question to ask.

Perhaps the answer lies in what the chairman says. You just have to treat it as a momentary surprise, enjoy it then let go. Life is about a compromise. Seldom do things ever turn out exactly the way you’d have wanted. So even though you hoped for more, if a friendship with someone you love is all she’s willing to offer, you take it gratefully, and slowly learn to bury your hopes. If someone else’s future is his for the taking, you put aside the envy and be happy for him, thanking God that at least someone made it to where you had hoped to go.

I used to think that ‘compromise’ was such an ugly word.

I’m not so sure about that anymore. Sometimes it seems to be the only way out.