After more than 20 years in Sembawang, it seems that yet another chapter in my life is drawing to a close. Today I return back to Thomson, where I spent my childhood before moving on to Sembawang.
Talk about coming back full circle.
And yet the irony is that it also isn’t home. The saga my family has been enduring in the seemingly endless merry-go-round of house rentals is merely entering into yet another chapter. For now, I actually like this place a lot, and so really would want this to be a more permanent solution. Or at least, that we’ll find somewhere more permanent and be done with this darned packing-unpacking shenanigan.
The only good thing that inevitably comes out of it, is that I finally packed up my room, and cleared out tones of rubbish that I should have done long ago.
Ah well.
The proverbial silver lining in the dark cloud.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Monday, June 07, 2010
Worship Evaluation
This isn’t an evaluation of the Levites Ministry. Its an introspection into the condition of my worship.
I think the same few questions I’ve been asking God each time will always be universally valid:
1. In the course of my being a worship leader, how often have I traded the altar for a stage? How have I played at worshipping God, instead of being authentic before Him?
2. What sort of masks do I continue to wear before God and the congregation? Do I know which of those masks that I wear before the congregation are valid and which of them I need to remove?
3. Has my worship of God been with the same songs, or am I singing new songs unto the Lord? New songs borne out of a radically new experience of him instead of just new prose and melody?
4. What are the blind spots I currently have, that I need to be working on? Who do I currently have in my life that can be pointing them out to me?
Maybe I err too much on the side of caution, but I am very sensitive to the fact that being on stage is inevitably a stroke or a stab to the ego. Its so very hard to make it about God once you’re up on the stage.
Sure, its easy to profess that we desire God to be first. But more often than not, our actions and our pre-occupations betray our heart. I find myself instinctively gravitating towards concerns such as whether or not I know what to say, so that I won’t sound stupid up there. Or whether or not there will be anyone at 0930 if I start worship on time, so that the “happening” song I had picked will not be wasted.
So much for playing to an audience of One.
I guess there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with being concerned about such things. But when I spend 90% of the time concerned about them, instead of being concerned about whether or not I am right before God (so that my worship might be acceptable before Him), I really have put my cart 100 miles ahead of the horse.
With the recent wave of “trouble” in the Levites Ministry, I guess I really need to guard my heart against resentment and the martyr complex. Its His ministry after all. I have NO doubts whatsoever that my listening to IDMC 2009 was God’s divine intervention, reminding me through the words of Edmund Chan, that:
1. God is good.
2. God is in control.
3. God will bring it to pass.
Lord, the more the burdens increase, the more You remind me that I am not the one carrying them. I only need to stick to that which you entrusted to me, and depend on You to bring it to pass…
May you let my worship before you always be authentic, and to always remember to love those whom you love.
I think the same few questions I’ve been asking God each time will always be universally valid:
1. In the course of my being a worship leader, how often have I traded the altar for a stage? How have I played at worshipping God, instead of being authentic before Him?
2. What sort of masks do I continue to wear before God and the congregation? Do I know which of those masks that I wear before the congregation are valid and which of them I need to remove?
3. Has my worship of God been with the same songs, or am I singing new songs unto the Lord? New songs borne out of a radically new experience of him instead of just new prose and melody?
4. What are the blind spots I currently have, that I need to be working on? Who do I currently have in my life that can be pointing them out to me?
Maybe I err too much on the side of caution, but I am very sensitive to the fact that being on stage is inevitably a stroke or a stab to the ego. Its so very hard to make it about God once you’re up on the stage.
Sure, its easy to profess that we desire God to be first. But more often than not, our actions and our pre-occupations betray our heart. I find myself instinctively gravitating towards concerns such as whether or not I know what to say, so that I won’t sound stupid up there. Or whether or not there will be anyone at 0930 if I start worship on time, so that the “happening” song I had picked will not be wasted.
So much for playing to an audience of One.
I guess there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with being concerned about such things. But when I spend 90% of the time concerned about them, instead of being concerned about whether or not I am right before God (so that my worship might be acceptable before Him), I really have put my cart 100 miles ahead of the horse.
With the recent wave of “trouble” in the Levites Ministry, I guess I really need to guard my heart against resentment and the martyr complex. Its His ministry after all. I have NO doubts whatsoever that my listening to IDMC 2009 was God’s divine intervention, reminding me through the words of Edmund Chan, that:
1. God is good.
2. God is in control.
3. God will bring it to pass.
Lord, the more the burdens increase, the more You remind me that I am not the one carrying them. I only need to stick to that which you entrusted to me, and depend on You to bring it to pass…
May you let my worship before you always be authentic, and to always remember to love those whom you love.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Prayer Requests
This is prob a first for this blog. Doubly ironic, since it comes at a time when nobody reads it anymore.
But I guess it serves as a reminder to myself just how much of my life is in need of prayer. (ALL OF IT, as a matter of fact.)
Just feeling a little overwhelmed lately, and trying hard (albeit not very successfully) from whining to everyone I meet.
School
1. VERY heavy semester coming up ahead. Heaviest one ever, as a matter of fact. Gosh. Need to be very disciplined to keep from my usual habit of putting off things to an impossibly late date.
2. Need to do a lot better to pull up my GPA score to keep alive my faint hopes of a Cum Laude degree.
3. Parking is proving to be an unbelievably painful stick up my ass. I feel a deep sense of frustration welling up in me every time I think about the fact that my school virtually has a carpark-to-student ratio of about 1:30. Praying for more lots would be like praying that Alex Ferguson is again only 30 yrs old, so pray instead that I can accept the inevitable.
Ministry
1. Very frustrated by errant ministry partners. Need to pray that I will remember to always act in LOVE, and never to merely react in anger. Also, very importantly, to cease my very bad habit of judging people.
2. Lots of preparation to do for the move. Buying instruments, writing up the website, setting up a proper process for the projection team, planning the roster despite not knowing who will there be, preparing for the evangelistic meeting, and deciding what to do with the jamming sessions... etc. GOSH.
3. I need to expand myself. I need to be better musically, as well as be much more aware of the theology of worship. I cannot still be the same sort of worship leader that I was 8 years ago. Starting to read Robert Weber, Tim Keller and DA Carson.
4. Need to grow spiritually as well. As my ministry expands, I need to be sure I dig deeper also, so that I have enough inside of me to be able to give.
5. Life Group. Its in a bit of a mess, in terms of succession. I plan to step down, and both Xiu and Art will be gone too. There's precious little time left to plan and take steps. Time to knuckle down.
Self
1. My health seems to not be too good. On the brink of falling sick several times. Need to be more conscientious of the fact that I'm not 18 anymore.
2. Spiritual life. I want to finish reading a book by the end of my semester. I need to be learning something that correlates with my spiritual development. No excuse just because semester has started again.
3. With luck, I'll even have time to start tinkering around with the keyboard again. I guess I still have a long way to go towards repaying God for letting me learn to play.
Ah well.
That's all for now.
With so much to pray for, its mind-boggling why I don't pray more, actually...
Friday, April 16, 2010
In Loving Memory (1939 - 2010)
陈牧师, thanks for everything. From my earliest impressions, you were always someone so special. Whatever the reason, people around you invariably treated you with respect. As I got older, and began to understand why, I began to become a fan. Your integrity and dedication towards God was so plainly obvious that it was impossible to miss. In a church that has more than its fair share of power-play, you could have wielded so much clout if you had chosen to do so. Instead, you demonstrated the model of servant leadership, always maintaining a humble demeanor, always shunning the limelight. A spiritual giant who always tried to look as small as he could manage.
You baptized me at birth, and taught me in baptism class. You officiated my confirmation ceremony. And as a shepherd, you oversaw our transition from ORPC Mandarin Congregation, until we became Providence Presbyterian Church. Then, in your unassuming manner, you very quietly stepped down and handed over leadership to the next generation. How I desperately wish you could be there when we officially open the new venue at the Bible House.
You had a profound way of teaching in a manner that was simple, without being simplistic. Your life displayed the rare quality of living up to the standards that you set in your teachings. Your integrity, your dedication and your faith were always an encouragement to me, and set an example for me to follow. I saw for myself in your life, the sort of power a man could have, simply by being a faithful servant who is committed to prayer. I remember the story of how even the demon fled when you had merely arrived at the doorstep of the possessed church member.
I will never forget your love for the church, and more importantly, your love for God. I remember the words you spoke in one of your sermons, and the heart-wrenching manner in which you said so – you lamented at the fact that our church has an abundance of talents and gifts, yet there are so few who truly love the Lord. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain it must cause you to look upon your sheep, and to let your heart break over the things that breaks your Lord’s heart.
And now that you have left us, I wonder what happens next. You have impossible shoes to fill. The void you leave behind in the hearts of so many might never be filled again. Such is the special place you occupy in so many of our hearts. In the words, of Edmund Chan, you were a living myth, now forever immortalized in our hearts as a legend.
Thanks so much for all you did, for all your gave, and for all you meant to so many of us. I couldn’t have put it better than Ray Boltz did, and so I end with what I feel would be such a fitting tribute to you and your life.
Thank You
I dreamed I went to heaven
And you were there with me;
We walked upon the streets of gold.
Beside the crystal sea.
We heard the angels singing
Then someone called your name.
We turned and saw a young man running
And he was smiling as he came.
And he said, "Friend you may not know me now."
And then he said, "But wait,
You used to teach my Sunday School
When I was only eight.
And every week you would say a prayer
Before the class would start.
And one day when you said that prayer,
I asked Jesus in my heart."
Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am a life that was changed.
Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am so glad you gave.
Then another man stood before you
And said, "Remember the time
A missionary came to your church
And his pictures made you cry.
You didn't have much money,
But you gave it anyway.
Jesus took the gift you gave
And that's why I'm here today."
Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am a life that was changed.
Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am so glad you gave.
One by one they came
Far as the eye could see.
Each life somehow touched
By your generosity.
Little things that you had done,
Sacrifices made,
Unnoticed on the earth
In heaven, now proclaimed.
And I know up in heaven
You're not supposed to cry
But I am almost sure
There were tears in your eyes.
As Jesus took your hand
And you stood before the Lord.
He said, "My child, look around you.
Great is your reward."
Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am a life that was changed.
Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am so glad you gave.
Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am a life that was changed.
Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am so glad you gave.
-Ray Boltz
Monday, April 05, 2010
Easter Reminder
Easter Sunday came and passed, and it turned out to be a pretty meaningful one for me after all. I had pretty much ignored the onset of the season of Lent, and hadn’t really spent a lot of time nor effort preparing myself for Good Friday and Easter Sunday. But the Passover meal we had in Life Group on Thursday helped put me in the right frame of mind.
It was a very simple message on Easter Sunday, but one that inevitably left an impression on me, since it echoes my impotent writings on this blog about the need to change and be different. Perhaps my bias towards CEFC made me a lot more receptive to whatever the pulpit had to say, but the fact is, I came out of it without that jaded emotion I typically have with regards to a message that actually had precious little that was new to me.
Maybe it was almost as if God was reminding me that at 31 yrs old, there really isn’t too many turning points left behind for me. With all the impending changes that’s happening around me, I need to keep my eye on the ball, and not find myself somewhere else from where I wanted to end up.
So even though this blog doesn’t have much to say, it serves as a reminder to me that I need keep the goal in mind, and make changes to return back to the path instead of staying in my deviating course.
A Footnote:
I had no idea how much discussion my previous blog post would generate by the FOUR people left in the world who still read it. So the FINAL word on it is:
1. I am NOT putting myself on a pedestal, and judging Henry. I DON’T think I’m better than him. I am perfectly capable of doing exactly what he did too. Just that it doesn’t mean I can’t dislike what he did. So that’s all it is: I DON’T LIKE what he did, and it resulted in me losing my good opinion of him.
2. It WASN’T an emotional and intense discourse that I was voicing, merely a case of putting down what was in my mind. I am perfectly calm and have pretty much resolved the issue already.
3. I DON’T disike HIM, just what he did. Unfortunately, the net result is that it inevitably affected my relationship with him. But it also DOESN’T DESTROY the relationship. (unless he chooses to not accept my right to my opinion, and decides to burn bridges.)
And that’s that.
It was a very simple message on Easter Sunday, but one that inevitably left an impression on me, since it echoes my impotent writings on this blog about the need to change and be different. Perhaps my bias towards CEFC made me a lot more receptive to whatever the pulpit had to say, but the fact is, I came out of it without that jaded emotion I typically have with regards to a message that actually had precious little that was new to me.
Maybe it was almost as if God was reminding me that at 31 yrs old, there really isn’t too many turning points left behind for me. With all the impending changes that’s happening around me, I need to keep my eye on the ball, and not find myself somewhere else from where I wanted to end up.
So even though this blog doesn’t have much to say, it serves as a reminder to me that I need keep the goal in mind, and make changes to return back to the path instead of staying in my deviating course.
A Footnote:
I had no idea how much discussion my previous blog post would generate by the FOUR people left in the world who still read it. So the FINAL word on it is:
1. I am NOT putting myself on a pedestal, and judging Henry. I DON’T think I’m better than him. I am perfectly capable of doing exactly what he did too. Just that it doesn’t mean I can’t dislike what he did. So that’s all it is: I DON’T LIKE what he did, and it resulted in me losing my good opinion of him.
2. It WASN’T an emotional and intense discourse that I was voicing, merely a case of putting down what was in my mind. I am perfectly calm and have pretty much resolved the issue already.
3. I DON’T disike HIM, just what he did. Unfortunately, the net result is that it inevitably affected my relationship with him. But it also DOESN’T DESTROY the relationship. (unless he chooses to not accept my right to my opinion, and decides to burn bridges.)
And that’s that.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
A Follow-Up, If You Will...
I believe this is the first time Arthur has ever commented on my blog. Thus, a momentous occasions calls for a momentous response. So allow me to follow up on my previous entry, and clarify what I had failed to properly elucidate.
I think the point I tried to make was that my good opinion "once lost", is lost forever. The notion of how the first impression lasts forever, if you will. The breaking point, if that better clarifies what I meant. Whether its through betrayal, or through disappointment, once the good opinion of you has been lost, it won't come back.
With regards to Henry, it was a case of one disappointment too many, and the straw that finally broke the camel's back was when he decided to leave without a word. I hope what you said came from your own conjecture, Art, because if it was straight out of Henry's mouth, it would only serve to further prove my point - he didn't even have the good graces to tell me himself why he's leaving and dumping the ministry on my shoulders. And in fact, it's not the first time he's left. Both times, he left without so much as a proper goodbye to his own ministry partners. In fact, this time round when he left, it was abrupt and petulant, almost as if he was taking out his impotent anger on those around him. I only managed to piece together parts of the story from his poor wife who was left to pick up his broken pieces. I would expect that out of some people in church, but perhaps I expected too much out of him.
The church leadership has always been around. I think it was no coincidence that his strongest commitment to serving the congregation and partnering in ministry came when he had fallen out with Andrew over what it means to serve God's church in spite of its leadership. And it was therefore not surprising that with his renewed relationship with Andrew, his disgruntlement with the church leadership started to be exacerbated once more.
Of course, there is a lot more that went on between me and Henry which culminated in losing my "good opinion" of him. But as you know, I am always eager to be discreet in my blog posts, so I shall leave it at that. *double winks*
Perhaps unforgiveness is a tad harsh. I don't think I still harbor a grudge against him. We all know who THAT particular honor belongs to. *Grins* But I guess I've stopped believing in him, and looking up to him as I used to. I still wish him all the best, I still retain a lot of fond memories of him, and I have nothing but the fondest memories of his wife. And I still really wish that he will continue to use that amazing gift that God has blessed him with, to serve wherever he is. But as I have stated in my previous posts, I don't believe that I will be able to serve in the same ministry with him anymore.
But of course, the bottom line is that my good opinion actually counts for very little. So the end-result of whatever I feel or say won't really matter all that much. Grins.
I think the point I tried to make was that my good opinion "once lost", is lost forever. The notion of how the first impression lasts forever, if you will. The breaking point, if that better clarifies what I meant. Whether its through betrayal, or through disappointment, once the good opinion of you has been lost, it won't come back.
With regards to Henry, it was a case of one disappointment too many, and the straw that finally broke the camel's back was when he decided to leave without a word. I hope what you said came from your own conjecture, Art, because if it was straight out of Henry's mouth, it would only serve to further prove my point - he didn't even have the good graces to tell me himself why he's leaving and dumping the ministry on my shoulders. And in fact, it's not the first time he's left. Both times, he left without so much as a proper goodbye to his own ministry partners. In fact, this time round when he left, it was abrupt and petulant, almost as if he was taking out his impotent anger on those around him. I only managed to piece together parts of the story from his poor wife who was left to pick up his broken pieces. I would expect that out of some people in church, but perhaps I expected too much out of him.
The church leadership has always been around. I think it was no coincidence that his strongest commitment to serving the congregation and partnering in ministry came when he had fallen out with Andrew over what it means to serve God's church in spite of its leadership. And it was therefore not surprising that with his renewed relationship with Andrew, his disgruntlement with the church leadership started to be exacerbated once more.
Of course, there is a lot more that went on between me and Henry which culminated in losing my "good opinion" of him. But as you know, I am always eager to be discreet in my blog posts, so I shall leave it at that. *double winks*
Perhaps unforgiveness is a tad harsh. I don't think I still harbor a grudge against him. We all know who THAT particular honor belongs to. *Grins* But I guess I've stopped believing in him, and looking up to him as I used to. I still wish him all the best, I still retain a lot of fond memories of him, and I have nothing but the fondest memories of his wife. And I still really wish that he will continue to use that amazing gift that God has blessed him with, to serve wherever he is. But as I have stated in my previous posts, I don't believe that I will be able to serve in the same ministry with him anymore.
But of course, the bottom line is that my good opinion actually counts for very little. So the end-result of whatever I feel or say won't really matter all that much. Grins.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
My Mr.Darcy Musings
Now that even Singapore has managed to get involved in the fashionable practice of Exposed Celebrity Adultery (ECA, for those born before 1980 and recognize the acronym), it was impossible to not lie in bed awake at night, thinking about the incidences and letting my thoughts run wild.
I have friends who had cheating partners. Some ended in breakups, some ended in divorce, and a few even managed to get back together after that. I remember the incredulity of some who couldn’t believe Jack Neo’s wife could brush off what he did, and readily forgive him. But I guess she’s no different from some I know who also again managed to return to their partners despite what happened.
I used to even wonder about what that means about my faith. We’ve all heard the equation before – the more you’re forgiven, the more you should forgive. And you are only stuck in unforgiveness because you have yet to appreciate the depth of your own sin, and are therefore unable to appreciate the magnitude of the forgiveness extended to you. As straightforward as that may sound, is that really right?
Edmund Chan defines forgiveness as “not holding a wrong done to you against the person anymore.” In other words, to forgive is not to forget, but to no longer hold a grudge. So what does that mean? I think it means that you no longer use it as a reason to remain hostile and bear ill-will towards someone, but it doesn’t mean you recklessly restore the relationship back to what it was. I find myself cheering the wives of cheating husbands who had the guts to go through with their divorce. Sure, in time you can forgive the cheating louse, and perhaps even be friends. But to go back in time as though nothing ever happened? I don’t believe it.
As Edmund Chan put it, unless you bashed your head in and suffered permanent brain damage, you can’t really forget the wrong done to you. So what you are ACTUALLY doing, is to psych yourself into thinking you’re alright with it. But human nature being what it is, such a repression will definitely come back to haunt you one day. Not today, not next month, maybe not even in the next 20 years. But one day, you won’t be able to hold it in anymore, and its gonna come out. And when it does, you’d find out your whole life up till that point in time had been a lie. Don’t believe me? Just look at my parents’ generation. They spent their first 40 years in denial, and today most of them are still married either out of convenience, for the sake of the kids, or just to maintain their social standing. I count less than 3 out of 10 to have a happy marriage for those above 50.
Sad huh?
The sadder fact is, most fools don’t believe me. They call me a cynic, and they believe that it won’t happen to them.
“Our love is stronger than that.”
“What happened to others won’t happen to us.”
“Now that we know what could happen, we’ll work harder to ensure it doesn’t happen to us.”
I think everyone secretly believes that they’re a little better than most of the people around them. Yet the sad fact is that we’re all a sorry bunch. So far, I’ve had one failed relationship. I used to think to myself that if my ex had finally accepted what an ass she’s hitched herself to, and seen the folly of her ways, we would have had a shot at getting back together. In retrospect, I thank God it never came down to that. Cos I know myself better now. And I know that I couldn’t do it. A betrayal is a betrayal. Mebbe if they broke up, I could bring myself to be friends with her again. But I will never be able to forget what she did to me, and I would never be able to give her the absolute trust that I once did.
Its also why I finally answered a question I had posed myself for more than a year: Do I want Henry ad Bernice back in the worship ministry? And the answer is “no”. Not just merely letting the ministry down, I also felt that he really let me down hard. As a friend, as a brother in Christ, and as a ministry partner. If my pastor’s fantasy ever came true and they returned, I think I’d be happy for them, and I’d be glad for the ministry. But then I’d also be ready to step down and think about moving elsewhere. I can’t work with broken trust.
Maybe contrary to what I believe, I’m actually a very unforgiving person. And that’s why I can’t deal with betrayal. Maybe like Mr Darcy once put it, “My good opinion once lost, is lost forever.”
I have friends who had cheating partners. Some ended in breakups, some ended in divorce, and a few even managed to get back together after that. I remember the incredulity of some who couldn’t believe Jack Neo’s wife could brush off what he did, and readily forgive him. But I guess she’s no different from some I know who also again managed to return to their partners despite what happened.
I used to even wonder about what that means about my faith. We’ve all heard the equation before – the more you’re forgiven, the more you should forgive. And you are only stuck in unforgiveness because you have yet to appreciate the depth of your own sin, and are therefore unable to appreciate the magnitude of the forgiveness extended to you. As straightforward as that may sound, is that really right?
Edmund Chan defines forgiveness as “not holding a wrong done to you against the person anymore.” In other words, to forgive is not to forget, but to no longer hold a grudge. So what does that mean? I think it means that you no longer use it as a reason to remain hostile and bear ill-will towards someone, but it doesn’t mean you recklessly restore the relationship back to what it was. I find myself cheering the wives of cheating husbands who had the guts to go through with their divorce. Sure, in time you can forgive the cheating louse, and perhaps even be friends. But to go back in time as though nothing ever happened? I don’t believe it.
As Edmund Chan put it, unless you bashed your head in and suffered permanent brain damage, you can’t really forget the wrong done to you. So what you are ACTUALLY doing, is to psych yourself into thinking you’re alright with it. But human nature being what it is, such a repression will definitely come back to haunt you one day. Not today, not next month, maybe not even in the next 20 years. But one day, you won’t be able to hold it in anymore, and its gonna come out. And when it does, you’d find out your whole life up till that point in time had been a lie. Don’t believe me? Just look at my parents’ generation. They spent their first 40 years in denial, and today most of them are still married either out of convenience, for the sake of the kids, or just to maintain their social standing. I count less than 3 out of 10 to have a happy marriage for those above 50.
Sad huh?
The sadder fact is, most fools don’t believe me. They call me a cynic, and they believe that it won’t happen to them.
“Our love is stronger than that.”
“What happened to others won’t happen to us.”
“Now that we know what could happen, we’ll work harder to ensure it doesn’t happen to us.”
I think everyone secretly believes that they’re a little better than most of the people around them. Yet the sad fact is that we’re all a sorry bunch. So far, I’ve had one failed relationship. I used to think to myself that if my ex had finally accepted what an ass she’s hitched herself to, and seen the folly of her ways, we would have had a shot at getting back together. In retrospect, I thank God it never came down to that. Cos I know myself better now. And I know that I couldn’t do it. A betrayal is a betrayal. Mebbe if they broke up, I could bring myself to be friends with her again. But I will never be able to forget what she did to me, and I would never be able to give her the absolute trust that I once did.
Its also why I finally answered a question I had posed myself for more than a year: Do I want Henry ad Bernice back in the worship ministry? And the answer is “no”. Not just merely letting the ministry down, I also felt that he really let me down hard. As a friend, as a brother in Christ, and as a ministry partner. If my pastor’s fantasy ever came true and they returned, I think I’d be happy for them, and I’d be glad for the ministry. But then I’d also be ready to step down and think about moving elsewhere. I can’t work with broken trust.
Maybe contrary to what I believe, I’m actually a very unforgiving person. And that’s why I can’t deal with betrayal. Maybe like Mr Darcy once put it, “My good opinion once lost, is lost forever.”
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Some Pretty Cool Stuff
Here are excerpts from a blog I really liked, whose author had also taken from elsewhere.
-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in the world did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
-There is a great need for sarcasm font.
-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what was going on when I first saw it.
-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
- LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and I instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
- Bad decisions make good stories
-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....
-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
-When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
-It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in the world did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
-There is a great need for sarcasm font.
-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what was going on when I first saw it.
-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
- LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and I instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
- Bad decisions make good stories
-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....
-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
-When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
-It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Just Wanna Say...
You know who you are.
I just thought I’d take the time to thank you for having been my friend through all these messed up years of my life. I guess when I pause to take stock all those who have come into my life and have since moved on, its really such a gift that you’re still around.
Yes, our friendship has also had its seasons, where we drifted in and out of each other’s lives, and times when we hardly had time for each other. But I guess with some people, you never really do move on. It was always easy to get back in touch, and carry on as if we’ve always been around.
Thanks for never labeling who I am by my actions and achievement in life. You alone saw myself as being a lot bigger than the sum total of all my parts. You never let up on a chance to give me stick for my failures, but at the same time you’ve never allowed it to define your understanding of me. Thus, you became my teacher, the one who taught me about loyalty to friends. More importantly, you taught me how to choose my friends wisely. Those who are worth keeping, and those whom I need to learn to let go of. Friendship is an art that requires a lot of discernment and wisdom, and so much of what I had comes from you.
Your optimism and good spirits have always been such an encouragement to me. Given my proneness towards melancholia, your brand of sunshine somehow works for me, without making me feel like it’s all an act. Your optimistic belief in people somehow rubs off on me, and after some time with you, I go away with a little more cheer in my heart, and a little more belief in this world. Honestly, I still don’t know how you can do it. You see a lot of the things I do, about how messed up everything is, yet you continue to maintain your cheerful and optimistic disposition towards the world. I guess it really is a gift. Thanks for sharing it with me, and making this world a little bit brighter for me.
In church and faith, you have been one of the few whom I could be open and honest with. I guess its always so easy for the ego to go into “martyrdom mode” in church, and cry out to God as Elijah did that “I feel like the last man standing”. Yet I found in you not only the reality that I’m not alone, but also someone who could listen and offer perspective. Some people are able to disagree with you, but at the same time genuinely listening and trying to understand what you’re getting at. Others simply wait for you to finish talking before starting to tell you what they think. Thanks for never being the latter to me.
You are someone of very good stature in your church, but was the first to show me that the stature is not to be used for securing your agenda. Growing up in my church, politics and power-play is so rampant amongst those we revere as “spiritual giants”, I was always blind to how wrong that is. You taught me about meekness and humility, and gave me a firsthand demonstration of what Christ expects of us when He gives us greater responsibilities.
It was great fun helping you out at your wedding. I guess its very easy to be happy for you and share your joy, knowing how much joy you’ve brought into mine. I really can’t wait for your first baby to pop, so that I can begin the long-awaited task of spoiling him/her rotten and leaving the mess for you to handle. Ha!
Of course, no friend is flawless, and your biggest fault is your abjectly bad taste in soccer. Who in his right mind supports Liverpool??? Nevertheless, just as you’ve taught me to believe in my friends, I too, have hopes of you coming round to your folly and be a Red Devil.
Grins.
So there you go. My heartfelt thanks and appreciation for being such a friend and brother. I couldn’t have made it this far in life if not for you.
Love,
Me.
YES. I’d love to have such a person as a friend. Anyone who knows someone like that, please intro him to me. My friendship pool is rapidly drying up.
I just thought I’d take the time to thank you for having been my friend through all these messed up years of my life. I guess when I pause to take stock all those who have come into my life and have since moved on, its really such a gift that you’re still around.
Yes, our friendship has also had its seasons, where we drifted in and out of each other’s lives, and times when we hardly had time for each other. But I guess with some people, you never really do move on. It was always easy to get back in touch, and carry on as if we’ve always been around.
Thanks for never labeling who I am by my actions and achievement in life. You alone saw myself as being a lot bigger than the sum total of all my parts. You never let up on a chance to give me stick for my failures, but at the same time you’ve never allowed it to define your understanding of me. Thus, you became my teacher, the one who taught me about loyalty to friends. More importantly, you taught me how to choose my friends wisely. Those who are worth keeping, and those whom I need to learn to let go of. Friendship is an art that requires a lot of discernment and wisdom, and so much of what I had comes from you.
Your optimism and good spirits have always been such an encouragement to me. Given my proneness towards melancholia, your brand of sunshine somehow works for me, without making me feel like it’s all an act. Your optimistic belief in people somehow rubs off on me, and after some time with you, I go away with a little more cheer in my heart, and a little more belief in this world. Honestly, I still don’t know how you can do it. You see a lot of the things I do, about how messed up everything is, yet you continue to maintain your cheerful and optimistic disposition towards the world. I guess it really is a gift. Thanks for sharing it with me, and making this world a little bit brighter for me.
In church and faith, you have been one of the few whom I could be open and honest with. I guess its always so easy for the ego to go into “martyrdom mode” in church, and cry out to God as Elijah did that “I feel like the last man standing”. Yet I found in you not only the reality that I’m not alone, but also someone who could listen and offer perspective. Some people are able to disagree with you, but at the same time genuinely listening and trying to understand what you’re getting at. Others simply wait for you to finish talking before starting to tell you what they think. Thanks for never being the latter to me.
You are someone of very good stature in your church, but was the first to show me that the stature is not to be used for securing your agenda. Growing up in my church, politics and power-play is so rampant amongst those we revere as “spiritual giants”, I was always blind to how wrong that is. You taught me about meekness and humility, and gave me a firsthand demonstration of what Christ expects of us when He gives us greater responsibilities.
It was great fun helping you out at your wedding. I guess its very easy to be happy for you and share your joy, knowing how much joy you’ve brought into mine. I really can’t wait for your first baby to pop, so that I can begin the long-awaited task of spoiling him/her rotten and leaving the mess for you to handle. Ha!
Of course, no friend is flawless, and your biggest fault is your abjectly bad taste in soccer. Who in his right mind supports Liverpool??? Nevertheless, just as you’ve taught me to believe in my friends, I too, have hopes of you coming round to your folly and be a Red Devil.
Grins.
So there you go. My heartfelt thanks and appreciation for being such a friend and brother. I couldn’t have made it this far in life if not for you.
Love,
Me.
YES. I’d love to have such a person as a friend. Anyone who knows someone like that, please intro him to me. My friendship pool is rapidly drying up.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
My Strange Existence
Lately, I’ve been coming to a conclusion that I need to reverse my paradigm of the world. People aren’t weird. I am.
Of course, over dinner recently with Paul, he couldn’t help but emphasize how he’s been feeling that way for the longest time. After all, how else can we explain why we find so many people out there who are strange to us? If I find myself belonging to a very very exclusive minority, doesn’t the statistic suggest that I’m actually the one that is weird and abnormal?
Maybe that’ll help me overcome a lot of the hurts that I went through, from being disappointed in some people, to feeling victimized by others. At least, it would help explain why everyone seems to be perfectly fine with people who do things I find unacceptable. (Yes, I must confess that an adulterous couple comes to mind. Grins.)
Right at the TOP of the list would be my fellow church-goers. Yes, I don’t call them Christians. They probably don’t deserve that title.
These church-goers fall into a few main categories:
Firstly, those that have been in church since young, and who have an over-rated impression of themselves as being mature believers who are” simply not as passionate for God as they used to be”. These people will still faithfully sit in at service, and fulfill their obligations to sit-stand-sing-pray as required. However, they’re doing ABSOLUTELY nothing else in church. They live in a world where their pseudo-Christianity allows them to disdain “the sins of the world” (except the few they love to secretly indulge in), thus feeling morally superior, whilst at the same time deceiving themselves that they’re just going through a bad patch with God. They’ll be more active when things between them and God gets better.
Then there’re those who used to be pretty active in church. In fact, if you see them now, they’ll spout the same rhetoric as they did, with sincerity shining through their liquid eyes as they speak of God’s love. … … The only catch being IF you see them… … You see, they’re too busy nowadays with career and also other things to even be in church regularly. Travel, hobbies, various activities such as marathons, church-visiting and even over-sleeping has taken priority over God. Approach them about it and they’ll assure you with such passion about their abiding commitment to God. They’ll thank you profusely for caring and reminding them, promising they’ll stay accountable to you over the issue. After that, you’ll see them once a month in church, strangely always on the opposite end of where you are.
Another breed are the ones whom I can never fathom why they bother being in church at all. They look disinterested, aren’t paying attention, and evidently couldn’t care less whatever is being taught on the pupit. I mean, honestly, WHY WASTE TIME COMING AT ALL??? If I were them, the LAST place I’d want to be in at 0930 on a Sunday morning would be in church (Of course, that being said, quite a few only saunter in at 10am).
And of course, all of us also have the habit picking and choosing what we want to listen to in church. The difference obviously being in the degree to which we do so. With so many weird doctrines and beliefs that people are championing and fixating on, its hard to not sometimes feel that WE’RE the extremists, not Al Qaeda. Success theology, Prosperity Gospel, or the recent attention-grabbing “Verbal Plenary Preservation” that made it to the Singapore High Courts – whichever form it takes, it really leaves me wondering how people could ever let something like that be a source of division. Yet in the name of loving our God, we happily tear down His fellow children and feel justified in doing so.
By merely describing these few types, of people, I’ve already managed to sum up so many of those I know, that I’m really quite convinced now that I’m plain weird.
Sigh.
Of course, over dinner recently with Paul, he couldn’t help but emphasize how he’s been feeling that way for the longest time. After all, how else can we explain why we find so many people out there who are strange to us? If I find myself belonging to a very very exclusive minority, doesn’t the statistic suggest that I’m actually the one that is weird and abnormal?
Maybe that’ll help me overcome a lot of the hurts that I went through, from being disappointed in some people, to feeling victimized by others. At least, it would help explain why everyone seems to be perfectly fine with people who do things I find unacceptable. (Yes, I must confess that an adulterous couple comes to mind. Grins.)
Right at the TOP of the list would be my fellow church-goers. Yes, I don’t call them Christians. They probably don’t deserve that title.
These church-goers fall into a few main categories:
Firstly, those that have been in church since young, and who have an over-rated impression of themselves as being mature believers who are” simply not as passionate for God as they used to be”. These people will still faithfully sit in at service, and fulfill their obligations to sit-stand-sing-pray as required. However, they’re doing ABSOLUTELY nothing else in church. They live in a world where their pseudo-Christianity allows them to disdain “the sins of the world” (except the few they love to secretly indulge in), thus feeling morally superior, whilst at the same time deceiving themselves that they’re just going through a bad patch with God. They’ll be more active when things between them and God gets better.
Then there’re those who used to be pretty active in church. In fact, if you see them now, they’ll spout the same rhetoric as they did, with sincerity shining through their liquid eyes as they speak of God’s love. … … The only catch being IF you see them… … You see, they’re too busy nowadays with career and also other things to even be in church regularly. Travel, hobbies, various activities such as marathons, church-visiting and even over-sleeping has taken priority over God. Approach them about it and they’ll assure you with such passion about their abiding commitment to God. They’ll thank you profusely for caring and reminding them, promising they’ll stay accountable to you over the issue. After that, you’ll see them once a month in church, strangely always on the opposite end of where you are.
Another breed are the ones whom I can never fathom why they bother being in church at all. They look disinterested, aren’t paying attention, and evidently couldn’t care less whatever is being taught on the pupit. I mean, honestly, WHY WASTE TIME COMING AT ALL??? If I were them, the LAST place I’d want to be in at 0930 on a Sunday morning would be in church (Of course, that being said, quite a few only saunter in at 10am).
And of course, all of us also have the habit picking and choosing what we want to listen to in church. The difference obviously being in the degree to which we do so. With so many weird doctrines and beliefs that people are championing and fixating on, its hard to not sometimes feel that WE’RE the extremists, not Al Qaeda. Success theology, Prosperity Gospel, or the recent attention-grabbing “Verbal Plenary Preservation” that made it to the Singapore High Courts – whichever form it takes, it really leaves me wondering how people could ever let something like that be a source of division. Yet in the name of loving our God, we happily tear down His fellow children and feel justified in doing so.
By merely describing these few types, of people, I’ve already managed to sum up so many of those I know, that I’m really quite convinced now that I’m plain weird.
Sigh.
Thursday, November 05, 2009
Commitment-Phobia?
As we wrapped up the second worship and prayer session last saturday, I was very much struck by the attendance. Not so much the fact that a lot fewer showed up, but also the randomness of our congregation.
It seems that there is no way to “have expectations” that anyone would come. There’s hardly anyone of whom I could say “Hmm… its so weird that he/she didn’t show up. Its not like him/her.” In other words, it’s a rather peculiar community we have, where commitment and obligations are such a fluid entity. And I’m a little puzzled as to just how “normal” this all is…
I find that my thoughts quickly turn to the way people in our church buy “insurance policies”. Hardly anyone wholeheartedly agrees to commit to anything, but the default position is always to simply “try my best”. And those three little words come across as being so trite when you find out their excuses for having missed a meeting or event.
“I had to run a marathon.”
“I overslept.”
“I HAD to spend time with my girlfriend/boyfriend.”
“I had *something* on.” (In other words, I was busy. And I’m not gonna tell you what with.)
“I was busy with another ministry.” (An all-time favorite excuse, by the way.)
“I needed a break.” (Another favorite, said in the seasoned tones of a ministry veteran.)
Hey, don’t get me wrong. I’ve used plenty of these same excuses myself. And I know just what a phoney I was when delivering my lines. If I had been completely honest, I wasn’t even close to “trying hard” when I gave those events a miss, much less “trying my best”.
And one of the most prominent ways in which this problem manifests itself is in the church-hopping syndrome we all have. I’ve seen so many people leave our church for another, citing so many reasons along the way. So much so that if everyone in the congregation were to adopt one reason each, we could all pack up and leave the church en masse.
I’m one of the few remaining members of my fellowship, and I expect that number to dwindle even further. To be fair, a chunk of them are now overseas, so I can’t really blame them for not being around. But even then, I guess there’s room for the point that in their decision-making process, church just wasn’t important enough to make them stick around.
After all, life is all about opportunity cost, isn’t it?
So as we sit around and dabble in ministry, I’m taking a good hard look at the members of my Levite Ministry, my Life Group, and the 2nd Service congregation, and asking myself WHO CAN I COUNT ON TO STILL BE AROUND IN 5 YEARS’ TIME TO PARTNER WITH ME???
In fact, its making ME look in the mirror and asking myself if I’m also gonna be around.
It seems that there is no way to “have expectations” that anyone would come. There’s hardly anyone of whom I could say “Hmm… its so weird that he/she didn’t show up. Its not like him/her.” In other words, it’s a rather peculiar community we have, where commitment and obligations are such a fluid entity. And I’m a little puzzled as to just how “normal” this all is…
I find that my thoughts quickly turn to the way people in our church buy “insurance policies”. Hardly anyone wholeheartedly agrees to commit to anything, but the default position is always to simply “try my best”. And those three little words come across as being so trite when you find out their excuses for having missed a meeting or event.
“I had to run a marathon.”
“I overslept.”
“I HAD to spend time with my girlfriend/boyfriend.”
“I had *something* on.” (In other words, I was busy. And I’m not gonna tell you what with.)
“I was busy with another ministry.” (An all-time favorite excuse, by the way.)
“I needed a break.” (Another favorite, said in the seasoned tones of a ministry veteran.)
Hey, don’t get me wrong. I’ve used plenty of these same excuses myself. And I know just what a phoney I was when delivering my lines. If I had been completely honest, I wasn’t even close to “trying hard” when I gave those events a miss, much less “trying my best”.
And one of the most prominent ways in which this problem manifests itself is in the church-hopping syndrome we all have. I’ve seen so many people leave our church for another, citing so many reasons along the way. So much so that if everyone in the congregation were to adopt one reason each, we could all pack up and leave the church en masse.
I’m one of the few remaining members of my fellowship, and I expect that number to dwindle even further. To be fair, a chunk of them are now overseas, so I can’t really blame them for not being around. But even then, I guess there’s room for the point that in their decision-making process, church just wasn’t important enough to make them stick around.
After all, life is all about opportunity cost, isn’t it?
So as we sit around and dabble in ministry, I’m taking a good hard look at the members of my Levite Ministry, my Life Group, and the 2nd Service congregation, and asking myself WHO CAN I COUNT ON TO STILL BE AROUND IN 5 YEARS’ TIME TO PARTNER WITH ME???
In fact, its making ME look in the mirror and asking myself if I’m also gonna be around.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Priorities
Lately I find that ministry is weighing very heavily on my mind.
Charlotte’s resignation from the worship team leaves me once more with that familiar frustration at the condition of the Levite Ministry for the past 2 years. Maybe I should rename it the “Square One” ministry, since it seems to forever be doing exactly that – going back to square one.
I mean, I don’t blame Charlotte for resigning. It was pretty evident her passion and burden was for the youths. Yes, I am very frustrated at her resignation because of the situation that it creates. But I don’t believe in telling anyone to do something that I wouldn’t do myself, so I’m glad she didn’t stay on in a ministry when her heart’s actually somewhere else.
When I was a kid, I remember a big poster on the wall that read “When God closes a door, He always opens a window.” There are days now when I wonder if it should read “… He always opens a window for you to jump through.”
I’m finding it so incredibly hard to keep the Levite Ministry going, and its only been barely a year. I know life isn’t a stroll in the park, but sometimes I think about the obstacles in the way of ministry, and its enough to break me down.
Leadership is really so lonely. Granted, I haven’t really done a lot in communicating with people, so its hard for others to share my vision and struggles with the Levite Ministry. I guess it won’t be fair to blame people, but at times its so frustrating to have people coming up to me with well-being albeit insensitive remarks.
They really mean well, and its probably what I would say to someone else in ministry… but after more than a year of being in the Levite Ministry, and coming to really OWN it, I realize that the considerations I have are weightier than what a person would normally see and consider.
I guess it’s like what Martina Navratilova said about eggs and bacon. The chicken is INVOLVED in the production of eggs, but the pig is COMMITTED to the production of bacon. I’ve had a lot of people come up to me, suggesting different people to be in different positions within the Levites Ministry, and they all don’t really understand why I am so uptight about my recruitment.
These people tell me its not my place to judge, they encourage me saying they don’t want me burnt out, and they confidently give me their personal assessment that so-and-so is really ready to lead and serve. And they don’t understand why I am so reluctant to take up on their suggestions/opinions.
I am thus viewed as stubborn, overly-critical, too negative, or that I “think too much”.
And I think its hard to blame them, since they wear lenses very differently tinted from mine. Leadership is always lonely, and always hard. I guess its times like this that I really miss having friends I could sit down and discuss ministry principles with. Those days in crusade and in fellowship where we could slowly come to an understanding of principles that govern our decision making process seems to be over. It was a time when we spent more time understanding where each other came from, instead of simply focusing on the final decision, and pushing our own agendas.
I really miss those days.
Charlotte’s resignation from the worship team leaves me once more with that familiar frustration at the condition of the Levite Ministry for the past 2 years. Maybe I should rename it the “Square One” ministry, since it seems to forever be doing exactly that – going back to square one.
I mean, I don’t blame Charlotte for resigning. It was pretty evident her passion and burden was for the youths. Yes, I am very frustrated at her resignation because of the situation that it creates. But I don’t believe in telling anyone to do something that I wouldn’t do myself, so I’m glad she didn’t stay on in a ministry when her heart’s actually somewhere else.
When I was a kid, I remember a big poster on the wall that read “When God closes a door, He always opens a window.” There are days now when I wonder if it should read “… He always opens a window for you to jump through.”
I’m finding it so incredibly hard to keep the Levite Ministry going, and its only been barely a year. I know life isn’t a stroll in the park, but sometimes I think about the obstacles in the way of ministry, and its enough to break me down.
Leadership is really so lonely. Granted, I haven’t really done a lot in communicating with people, so its hard for others to share my vision and struggles with the Levite Ministry. I guess it won’t be fair to blame people, but at times its so frustrating to have people coming up to me with well-being albeit insensitive remarks.
They really mean well, and its probably what I would say to someone else in ministry… but after more than a year of being in the Levite Ministry, and coming to really OWN it, I realize that the considerations I have are weightier than what a person would normally see and consider.
I guess it’s like what Martina Navratilova said about eggs and bacon. The chicken is INVOLVED in the production of eggs, but the pig is COMMITTED to the production of bacon. I’ve had a lot of people come up to me, suggesting different people to be in different positions within the Levites Ministry, and they all don’t really understand why I am so uptight about my recruitment.
These people tell me its not my place to judge, they encourage me saying they don’t want me burnt out, and they confidently give me their personal assessment that so-and-so is really ready to lead and serve. And they don’t understand why I am so reluctant to take up on their suggestions/opinions.
I am thus viewed as stubborn, overly-critical, too negative, or that I “think too much”.
And I think its hard to blame them, since they wear lenses very differently tinted from mine. Leadership is always lonely, and always hard. I guess its times like this that I really miss having friends I could sit down and discuss ministry principles with. Those days in crusade and in fellowship where we could slowly come to an understanding of principles that govern our decision making process seems to be over. It was a time when we spent more time understanding where each other came from, instead of simply focusing on the final decision, and pushing our own agendas.
I really miss those days.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Tsunami Tuesday
People never fail to suprise me.
Someone in church whom I have always always viewed as being extremely cautious gave me a tsunami-scale shock this morning when I learnt that he's getting married.
No, getting married is perefectly normal, and he wasn't gay or anything.
The shocker is how he met the girl, got together with her, and then decided on the marriage date... all in the space of three days.
T-H-R-E-E D-A-Y-S.
That's right.
And oh, did I mention that he met the girl in China?
Sheesh!
Someone in church whom I have always always viewed as being extremely cautious gave me a tsunami-scale shock this morning when I learnt that he's getting married.
No, getting married is perefectly normal, and he wasn't gay or anything.
The shocker is how he met the girl, got together with her, and then decided on the marriage date... all in the space of three days.
T-H-R-E-E D-A-Y-S.
That's right.
And oh, did I mention that he met the girl in China?
Sheesh!
Monday, August 17, 2009
Using the Lord's Name in Vain
Not too long ago, as I was praying with some people, an article that I read almost 20 yrs ago came back to me. The article spoke about using the Lord’s name in vain.
And right about now, the question that begs asking is… how does praying equate to using the Lord’s name in vain?
See, I’m sure many of us are familiar with a common syndrome in prayer. It goes something like this: (read out lout, with a constipated face and with the most earnest voice you can conjure up) “Lord, Lord, we come before you today, Lord, and Lord, we ask that Lord, you will bless us Lord. Lord, we pray Lord, that Lord you will be glorified Lord. Lord, that Lord you would be Lord over us all. Lord, Lord, we ask today, Lord, that you hear our prayers, Lord… etc”
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not mocking these folks. And many times, these are the people who pray a lot. People with a healthy prayer life, as opposed to mine. But reading the article some 18 years ago, it really left a deep impression on me, since I was an impressionable boy of 12 back then, I had been rather puzzled by why a person has to use the word “Lord” so much in his prayer. It seemed to be a mark of fervency, yet at the same time, it seems to also betray a certain lack of thought and weighted-ness.
A person who uses the word “Lord” that way seems to be using it more as a stop-gap, when his thoughts could not keep up with the speed of his rambling, and so he needed to fill the silence. He seems to be more pre-occupied with a certain form that his prayer takes on, rather than the actual words he meant to say.
And so yes, the writer of the article took umbrage at that. And please dun say that because “Lord” is not really His name, the accusation is a tad harsh. Unless you happen to be referring to, say, Cheezels when you used the word “Lord”, you are, in fact, running the risk of calling upon the Lord in vain, using meaningless and repetitive words.
So let’s all try to show a little more self-awareness in how we pray, shall we? As much as the heart is right, it needs to be backed up with our actions as well. After all, that was what Jesus was referring to when he said that “the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak”, isn’t it? We can’t be hiding behind the right spirit, and allow the flesh to continue being weak.
And right about now, the question that begs asking is… how does praying equate to using the Lord’s name in vain?
See, I’m sure many of us are familiar with a common syndrome in prayer. It goes something like this: (read out lout, with a constipated face and with the most earnest voice you can conjure up) “Lord, Lord, we come before you today, Lord, and Lord, we ask that Lord, you will bless us Lord. Lord, we pray Lord, that Lord you will be glorified Lord. Lord, that Lord you would be Lord over us all. Lord, Lord, we ask today, Lord, that you hear our prayers, Lord… etc”
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not mocking these folks. And many times, these are the people who pray a lot. People with a healthy prayer life, as opposed to mine. But reading the article some 18 years ago, it really left a deep impression on me, since I was an impressionable boy of 12 back then, I had been rather puzzled by why a person has to use the word “Lord” so much in his prayer. It seemed to be a mark of fervency, yet at the same time, it seems to also betray a certain lack of thought and weighted-ness.
A person who uses the word “Lord” that way seems to be using it more as a stop-gap, when his thoughts could not keep up with the speed of his rambling, and so he needed to fill the silence. He seems to be more pre-occupied with a certain form that his prayer takes on, rather than the actual words he meant to say.
And so yes, the writer of the article took umbrage at that. And please dun say that because “Lord” is not really His name, the accusation is a tad harsh. Unless you happen to be referring to, say, Cheezels when you used the word “Lord”, you are, in fact, running the risk of calling upon the Lord in vain, using meaningless and repetitive words.
So let’s all try to show a little more self-awareness in how we pray, shall we? As much as the heart is right, it needs to be backed up with our actions as well. After all, that was what Jesus was referring to when he said that “the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak”, isn’t it? We can’t be hiding behind the right spirit, and allow the flesh to continue being weak.
Friday, August 14, 2009
What's Left?
So here I am, more than a week passing since I finished two very very intense semesters that nearly took my life.
And with a whole tonne of things still ahead of me that I need to finish real soon, I’m instead choosing to just screw to all, and laze around doing nothing. Hehz… in the short run, at least.
Tomorrow is Rulin’s wedding. And to get into the mood, since I AM the emcee for both her church service as well as the wedding dinner, I re-watched two of my fav movies. “Closer”, starring the incredibly lovely Natalie Portman, as well as “Serendipity”, starring the English rose Kate Beckinsale. And it was quite a curious experience, watching the two side by side.
Serendipity speaks of a love so strong, that a chance meeting could bind two almost-strangers together until fate finally allowed them to end up together. And yet Closer portrays love as being so fragile that Natalie Portman’s character can go from absolutely in love to “I don’t love you anymore” in the space of an epiphany, while staying totally believable at the same time.
Funny how life itself can be so dichotomized, ain't it?
I guess the point is that its harder and harder to celebrate weddings for me. I mean, I can be happy for my friends. I really can. But that seems to be just about all I can do. There used to be a time where weddings would make me happy, and I would be energized while helping my friends out. Now, when I hear of weddings, or I help out in one, I have the emotional reaction the equivalent of buying the papers.
What makes such a realization so devastating is that less than a year ago, on the 17th of November 2008, I had posted an entry, where I said that I am banking on marriage as my last bastion of confidence. And now, I don’t even seem to have any zest for that.
Whatever the hell is happening to me?
Pls Lord, don’t let me end up as one of those bitter old men. I still wanna be someone who has a purpose and a passion in life. Something that I believe in, that gets me excited and makes me angry over.
And with a whole tonne of things still ahead of me that I need to finish real soon, I’m instead choosing to just screw to all, and laze around doing nothing. Hehz… in the short run, at least.
Tomorrow is Rulin’s wedding. And to get into the mood, since I AM the emcee for both her church service as well as the wedding dinner, I re-watched two of my fav movies. “Closer”, starring the incredibly lovely Natalie Portman, as well as “Serendipity”, starring the English rose Kate Beckinsale. And it was quite a curious experience, watching the two side by side.
Serendipity speaks of a love so strong, that a chance meeting could bind two almost-strangers together until fate finally allowed them to end up together. And yet Closer portrays love as being so fragile that Natalie Portman’s character can go from absolutely in love to “I don’t love you anymore” in the space of an epiphany, while staying totally believable at the same time.
Funny how life itself can be so dichotomized, ain't it?
I guess the point is that its harder and harder to celebrate weddings for me. I mean, I can be happy for my friends. I really can. But that seems to be just about all I can do. There used to be a time where weddings would make me happy, and I would be energized while helping my friends out. Now, when I hear of weddings, or I help out in one, I have the emotional reaction the equivalent of buying the papers.
What makes such a realization so devastating is that less than a year ago, on the 17th of November 2008, I had posted an entry, where I said that I am banking on marriage as my last bastion of confidence. And now, I don’t even seem to have any zest for that.
Whatever the hell is happening to me?
Pls Lord, don’t let me end up as one of those bitter old men. I still wanna be someone who has a purpose and a passion in life. Something that I believe in, that gets me excited and makes me angry over.
Friday, July 31, 2009
A Prayer
Just received a heart-breaking email from Jody that said Takeshi’s 5-year old son has contracted leukemia. I was literally stunned at the news, since it was not too long ago that Seiji lost his son, Sho, to leukemia as well. And everything else that followed simply made it even harder to take.
Seiji accompanied Takeshi and his son to the hospital. This was the exact hospital where Sho was diagnosed, treated and later passed away.
Takeshi’s wife had just given birth to another child, and needs to be nursing. Thus she cannot be with their son, and it makes the birth such a bitter-sweet memory.
I can only imagine how devastating it must be for the staff team in Nagoya. Jody’s frustration sums it up best when he wrote “Please join with us in fighting for this child. Pray against a relentless enemy who plays dirty.”
Its been a whole chain of pretty bad news that have been coming out of Nagoya. Every time I read his updates, there’s something new that needs prayer, and really doesn’t sound good. Yet every single time Jody has managed to make it sound not as bad as it seems, and always hopeful. So it says a lot when he signed off this time round saying “We are all numb”.
This is on top of the bad news that Billy is again back in the ICU, and doctors are advising the family to take him off life support.
I couldn’t help but notice Jody’s email signature right before I closed the email. It was a verse from Psalm 112:6-8. It says “Surely he will never be shaken; a righteous man will be remembered forever. He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD. His heart is secure, he will have no fear; in the end he will look in triumph on his foes.”
I closed the email thinking to myself: what kind of a person would never be shaken by such news? What kind of person has no fear of bad news? Whose heart could ever be so steadfast, and able to trust in the Lord despite everything that he sees around him?
When I prayed a payer for Takeshi’s son, Manon, remembered a line from the movie "Into the Shadowlands", where C.S. Lewis responded to his colleagues who asked him why he still prays when it changes nothing. He said “I pray because it changes me.”
It’s a sublime reply, one that I’m still struggling to really grasp. But I guess it’s the only reason nowadays why I pray. Otherwise prayer would really be meaningless to me.
Seiji accompanied Takeshi and his son to the hospital. This was the exact hospital where Sho was diagnosed, treated and later passed away.
Takeshi’s wife had just given birth to another child, and needs to be nursing. Thus she cannot be with their son, and it makes the birth such a bitter-sweet memory.
I can only imagine how devastating it must be for the staff team in Nagoya. Jody’s frustration sums it up best when he wrote “Please join with us in fighting for this child. Pray against a relentless enemy who plays dirty.”
Its been a whole chain of pretty bad news that have been coming out of Nagoya. Every time I read his updates, there’s something new that needs prayer, and really doesn’t sound good. Yet every single time Jody has managed to make it sound not as bad as it seems, and always hopeful. So it says a lot when he signed off this time round saying “We are all numb”.
This is on top of the bad news that Billy is again back in the ICU, and doctors are advising the family to take him off life support.
I couldn’t help but notice Jody’s email signature right before I closed the email. It was a verse from Psalm 112:6-8. It says “Surely he will never be shaken; a righteous man will be remembered forever. He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD. His heart is secure, he will have no fear; in the end he will look in triumph on his foes.”
I closed the email thinking to myself: what kind of a person would never be shaken by such news? What kind of person has no fear of bad news? Whose heart could ever be so steadfast, and able to trust in the Lord despite everything that he sees around him?
When I prayed a payer for Takeshi’s son, Manon, remembered a line from the movie "Into the Shadowlands", where C.S. Lewis responded to his colleagues who asked him why he still prays when it changes nothing. He said “I pray because it changes me.”
It’s a sublime reply, one that I’m still struggling to really grasp. But I guess it’s the only reason nowadays why I pray. Otherwise prayer would really be meaningless to me.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
A Problem of Econs...
Since I have an Advanced English Writing paper tmr, I figured this’ll be a good time to do some “warm-up”, and prevent the inevitable writers’ block that will ensue when I sit for the paper…
School’s been a torture, not least because I’m revisiting one of my most unhappy subjects – Econs.
For someone who loves to think that I am more inclined towards social sciences rather than hard sciences, Econs remains one of many subjects that baffles me. (Some other topics that baffles me include poetry, calculus, the Chinese language, women… ect)
Its interesting, therefore, that I should also have just finished watching a Global Leadership Summit session, where they interviewed Richard Curtis. He’s a pretty big-shot scriptwriter in Hollywood, who’s churned out its like Four Weddings and a Funeral, Notting Hill (one of my all-time favorites), and Love Actually. He started sharing some of the principles that governed his working process, and then moved on to his passion – eradicating world poverty.
Its hard to remain unmoved when you hear him share. It hit me even harder when Bill Hybels wrapped up the session by addressing the conference, saying that it was a profoundly DISTURBING experience interviewing Richard Curtis. Here was a man who has difficulty figuring out his faith, yet doing a hundred times more than Bill himself, serving a cause that our Lord championed when He was here on earth. Not only that, but in the interview Richard Curtis was cheering the church on, exhorting it to do more.
“Breaking your heart with the things that breaks God’s heart” was always a prayer I held close to my heart. When I was in JC, I remember very often asking God to keep me from turning into an adult who is able to see the things that breaks God’s heart, and be dispassionate about it. I want to still feel as emotional and affected by these things, in the hope that it will spur me to action, instead of hardening my heart.
So why should it be that listening to Richard Curtis is interesting in light of my econs? Well, I personally believe that a proper understanding of how the world works is infinitely helpful in trying to rid the world of social injustice. Put it another way – my understanding of Goethe and Milton is a lot further removed from being useful towards the cause.
But it remains one of my biggest mental blocks, overcoming econs. Everytime I get stuck at a concept, my failure to nail it previously comes back to haunt me.
And so here I stand, once more, back where I began. I guess I have to cross this hurdle no matter how much I try to duck. Maybe telling myself that it can be useful to me next time will motivate me further to try harder.
School’s been a torture, not least because I’m revisiting one of my most unhappy subjects – Econs.
For someone who loves to think that I am more inclined towards social sciences rather than hard sciences, Econs remains one of many subjects that baffles me. (Some other topics that baffles me include poetry, calculus, the Chinese language, women… ect)
Its interesting, therefore, that I should also have just finished watching a Global Leadership Summit session, where they interviewed Richard Curtis. He’s a pretty big-shot scriptwriter in Hollywood, who’s churned out its like Four Weddings and a Funeral, Notting Hill (one of my all-time favorites), and Love Actually. He started sharing some of the principles that governed his working process, and then moved on to his passion – eradicating world poverty.
Its hard to remain unmoved when you hear him share. It hit me even harder when Bill Hybels wrapped up the session by addressing the conference, saying that it was a profoundly DISTURBING experience interviewing Richard Curtis. Here was a man who has difficulty figuring out his faith, yet doing a hundred times more than Bill himself, serving a cause that our Lord championed when He was here on earth. Not only that, but in the interview Richard Curtis was cheering the church on, exhorting it to do more.
“Breaking your heart with the things that breaks God’s heart” was always a prayer I held close to my heart. When I was in JC, I remember very often asking God to keep me from turning into an adult who is able to see the things that breaks God’s heart, and be dispassionate about it. I want to still feel as emotional and affected by these things, in the hope that it will spur me to action, instead of hardening my heart.
So why should it be that listening to Richard Curtis is interesting in light of my econs? Well, I personally believe that a proper understanding of how the world works is infinitely helpful in trying to rid the world of social injustice. Put it another way – my understanding of Goethe and Milton is a lot further removed from being useful towards the cause.
But it remains one of my biggest mental blocks, overcoming econs. Everytime I get stuck at a concept, my failure to nail it previously comes back to haunt me.
And so here I stand, once more, back where I began. I guess I have to cross this hurdle no matter how much I try to duck. Maybe telling myself that it can be useful to me next time will motivate me further to try harder.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Stress
Stress is NOT having stiff shoulders and stiff necks.
Stress is NOT having no appetite and feeling a little nauseous.
Stress is NOT being unable to sleep soundly.
Stress is NOT feeling the blues.
Stress is when you wake up on a saturday morning, read the clock that says "10:03am" and jump out of bed thinking "SHIT! I OVERSLEPT FOR MY 10am PAPER!!!", then realise its actually still 2 days away.
Stress is NOT having no appetite and feeling a little nauseous.
Stress is NOT being unable to sleep soundly.
Stress is NOT feeling the blues.
Stress is when you wake up on a saturday morning, read the clock that says "10:03am" and jump out of bed thinking "SHIT! I OVERSLEPT FOR MY 10am PAPER!!!", then realise its actually still 2 days away.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Spiritual Mathematics
Just something that popped into my head today as I was staring at my graphs on Binomial Distribution.
At the back of my head was the bible study discussion for tonight during Life Group, on Hebrews chapter 2. The basic gist was again the reminder to not drift. “Don’t drift!” would have been my catch phrase for the night, had I been leading it. (Thank God Weifeng agreed to take the session. No way would I have had the time to prepare it. As it turned out, I really dodged a bullet. Grins.)
And so there I was, with the graph staring at me, trying to make sense of the MEAN, and the STANDARD DEVIATION, and it suddenly struck me… that’s what our spiritual lives are like! God has given us the Word, which lays down for us what He expects of us. Hebrews 12:14 says “Without holiness, no one can see God.” So, assuming that the Holiness that God expects of us is the MEAN. All of us will fall short of it, veering off to either side of the mark. The question is, how many STANDARD DEVIATIONS are we away from the standard that God has for us?
Some of us fall into the left side, choosing to indulge in our sinful depravity, whilst others fall into the other side, “playing church” and having the “form, but not the power”. Whichever way it is, in some sense that’s what we all are like, isn’t it? We all have our own “standard deviations” away from the MEAN – which is what we’re slowly being called towards – and very often that STANDARD DEVIATION only increases over the years.
Made me think of a very old song, by Hillsongs, called “Believe”. Back then, it struck me how cute the lyrics was, “I say on Sunday, how much I want revival. Then on Monday, I can’t even find my bible.” Almost 10 years on, its not that funny anymore to realize that there’s a part of me that still hasn’t changed. I’m still feeling the exact things that the rest of the song goes on to talk about. And if it had been a new song that just came out yesterday, I’d be raving about “this awesome song that totally describes how I feel…”
So, yes… once more its back to basics.
Lord, I believe in You. I believe in the power of Your Word and its Truth. I believe in You. So I lay down my cause, that my cross might be found in You.
At the back of my head was the bible study discussion for tonight during Life Group, on Hebrews chapter 2. The basic gist was again the reminder to not drift. “Don’t drift!” would have been my catch phrase for the night, had I been leading it. (Thank God Weifeng agreed to take the session. No way would I have had the time to prepare it. As it turned out, I really dodged a bullet. Grins.)
And so there I was, with the graph staring at me, trying to make sense of the MEAN, and the STANDARD DEVIATION, and it suddenly struck me… that’s what our spiritual lives are like! God has given us the Word, which lays down for us what He expects of us. Hebrews 12:14 says “Without holiness, no one can see God.” So, assuming that the Holiness that God expects of us is the MEAN. All of us will fall short of it, veering off to either side of the mark. The question is, how many STANDARD DEVIATIONS are we away from the standard that God has for us?
Some of us fall into the left side, choosing to indulge in our sinful depravity, whilst others fall into the other side, “playing church” and having the “form, but not the power”. Whichever way it is, in some sense that’s what we all are like, isn’t it? We all have our own “standard deviations” away from the MEAN – which is what we’re slowly being called towards – and very often that STANDARD DEVIATION only increases over the years.
Made me think of a very old song, by Hillsongs, called “Believe”. Back then, it struck me how cute the lyrics was, “I say on Sunday, how much I want revival. Then on Monday, I can’t even find my bible.” Almost 10 years on, its not that funny anymore to realize that there’s a part of me that still hasn’t changed. I’m still feeling the exact things that the rest of the song goes on to talk about. And if it had been a new song that just came out yesterday, I’d be raving about “this awesome song that totally describes how I feel…”
So, yes… once more its back to basics.
Lord, I believe in You. I believe in the power of Your Word and its Truth. I believe in You. So I lay down my cause, that my cross might be found in You.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Paul Scholes Tribute
ALEX FERGUSON took real flak for the team he picked. A bunch of unknown kids in an important cup game. No, we are not talking about Sunday’s FA Cup semi-final.
The date was September 21, 1994 when a certain Paul Scholes lined up alongside the likes of Gary Neville, Nicky Butt and David Beckham for his debut.
He would score twice as Manchester United won 2-1 at Port Vale in the Coca-Cola Cup second round.
Questions were asked in Parliament about Fergie belittling the competition with the team he picked. Soon, though, nobody argued with those four playing.
Fast forward 15 years and Scholes will make his 600th appearance for the Red Devils in tonight’s Prem game against Portsmouth at Old Trafford.
One of the greatest but most unassuming figures to play the game, the 34-year-old continues to turn it on.
There can be no higher praise than that coming from United legend Sir Bobby Charlton, who places Scholes as his all-time favourite player.
Sir Bobby said: “Many great players have worn the shirt of Manchester United. Players I worshipped, then lost with my youth in Munich.
“Players like Denis Law and George Best who I enjoyed so much as team-mates and now, finally, players I have watched closely in the Ferguson era.
“And in so many ways Scholes is my favourite. I love his nous and conviction that he’ll find a way to win, to make the killer pass or produce a decisive volley.
“When a game reaches a vital phase, these qualities seem to come out of his every pore. He’s always on the ball. He’s always looking to bring other people into the action and if he loses possession you think he must be ill.”
Boss Fergie said: “His contribution and his quality and some of the fantastic goals he has scored have been great.
“Even on Sunday in the FA Cup semi-final when he came on, his first touch of the ball was better than anybody else on the park had done for the whole previous hour.
“He has that wonderful velvet touch on the ball. Amid the mayhem that can happen in a game it is wonderful to see.
“To reach 600 games is fantastic, considering he has had three or four long injuries in that career. He has had two knee operations and his eye problem a couple of years ago. He has probably missed more than a year of football so that would have put him nearer 700.”
Scholes is fourth in the all-time United list for appearances behind only Bill Foulkes (688), Sir Bobby (758) and, at the top, Ryan Giggs (798).
Scholes has hit 142 goals for United and is one of the best volleyers and long-range shooters the game has seen.
He has always been a one-club man. The Salford-born player joined United when he was 14 and has been there ever since.
Ferguson said: “Funnily enough, we have never had one enquiry for Paul and you know why? Because they all know. They all know he would never leave. That said, he could have played in any league in Europe. No problem.”
Tonight Scholes will no doubt wonder what all the fuss is about. A devoted family man who loves playing football, yet hates being a modern footballer.
The midfielder said: “Part of me will be glad to finish.
“I can’t say I can’t wait to finish but I’m looking forward to finishing and everything that goes with it.
“The only thing I will definitely miss is the football. The general life of a footballer I will not miss at all.
“People are just very invasive aren’t they? They are always wanting to know what you have been doing and what you’re going to do.
“I’m sure I’ll go to watch United. My lad Owen is absolutely mad on Man United. But that’ll be as far as it goes.” Scholes has given himself one more season after this before he finally hangs up his boots. He will not go overboard about the medals he has won but the one he treasures most is last season’s Champions League gong.
Scholes, like Roy Keane, missed the 1999 final through suspension. He was awarded a medal but it never meant anything to him.
He said: “I don’t view myself as a double Champions League winner.
“You’ve got to play in the final for it to count. So it meant everything to win it. It was a great night.”
Scholes earned 66 England caps, scoring 14 goals and retired from internationals after Euro 2004.
He said: “I am lucky in that I’ve had everything I need. I’m at Manchester United. What more do I need?”
*************************************************************************************
Scholes has been hailed by some of soccer’s greatest names over the years.
ZINEDINE ZIDANE: “My toughest opponent? Scholes of Manchester. He is the complete midfielder. Scholes is undoubtedly the greatest of his generation.”
EDGAR DAVIDS: “I’m not the best, Paul Scholes is. We can all learn from Paul Scholes.”
MARCELLO LIPPI: “Paul Scholes would have been one of my first choices for putting together a great team — that is how highly I have always rated him.
“An all-round midfielder with quality and character in abundance.”
LAURENT BLANC: “I tell anyone who asks me — Scholes is the best English player.”
THIERRY HENRY: “Without any doubt the best player in the Premiership has to be Paul Scholes.
“He knows how to do everything, and he is the one who directs the way his team plays. On top of all that, he has indestructible mental strength, and he is a genuine competitor.”
PETER SCHMEICHEL: “His reading of the game is unsurpassed. He has the best eye for a pass, for what the play or the game needs at that precise moment, that I have never seen anyone else have.
“He controls and distributes the play and the game better than anyone I have ever seen.”
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