Crushes

Well, in light of the fact that one of the recurring themes have been the crushes 2 of my friends have confided in me, the song "On My Own" is dedicated to them. I always felt that the song MUST have been written by one who was similarly in the pains of love, to have waxed so lyrically on the subject. Or at least, have been a sucker to the power of a crush before.

Since long long ago, I've had friends confide in me about a crush he's had on a girl, or another girl asking me what she can do about her crush on a guy... And that was way before I myself went through the unique pain of secretly carrying a torch for someone. Yet despite the pain, a crush can be very sweet... how the very mention of that person's name brings a glow to one's heart, and the very presence of that person in the same room causes the heart to do a rendition of Stomp. The very absence of that chosen one (yes, I watched Star Wars, which I will get to later...) can cause that undisciplined heart to stop as if dead, awaiting the next close encounter with him/her.

Of course, the number one question that everyone asks when having a crush is - "Should I tell him/her?" For upon that question hinges the very destiny of one's life!!! Questions of pragmatism, dealing with compatibility, values and prudence all seem absolutely surreal and of no consequence to the person in the throes of such passion.

The potential cost of revealing your feelings could be the jeopardizing of the friendship the two of you share... such a loss presents twice the quandary, because the last thing you want to do is to cause the other person to withdraw from you. Its a gamble, and the stakes are incredibly high...

Of course, the rewards are also doubly sweet for the lucky few who won the bet, whose feelings are reciprocated. All of a sudden, they can't understand why many don't dare to take a chance at risking all, basking in the warm glow of their gains.

Life's cruelties can sometimes just be like this lottery of love. For all the assurance we seem to have, things are so unpredictable and out of our control. No matter how much I feel she is the right girl for me, as long as she doesn't hold the same view, I'm pretty screwed. As long as he's interested in another girl, or doesn't see her as girlfriend material, none of the girl's promises of devotion can elicit any true form of commitment from him. And life can be like that so often. All it takes is someone who doesn't see things your way, to screw up some perfectly good plans. Anyone who has been in a committee with only one anal member can tell you their horror stories. And so mebbe that's why we've all become so unforgiving. We can no longer tolerate those who disagree with us, because of all the previous disappointments we've experienced. Each rejection we go through leaves a blemish on our souls, that forces us to either become more withdrawn - on the assumption that with less expectations we'd be less disappointed, or more authoritarian - that we can forcibly get our way.

As for me, I've learnt my lesson about the need for prudence when committing to a relationship, and then some. Yet sometimes I fear I have decided upon the saddest path of all, always hiding behind the facade of prudence, when in truth it is but the face of blatant cowardice. I've told a few about the many legitimate reasons why I prob am gonna remain single for the next three years, but I have the feeling that if God were to spell out for me in the stars above, the name of the girl I should be with, I would still chicken out. Hehz...

Sigh.

Guess that's why I remain... On my own.

Anyway, I watched Star Wars Episode III: The Revenge Of The Sith. Boy, it felt good to finally have closure on the whole Star Wars saga. Not exactly a Star Wars buff, many have been the things in the sequels that have captivated me. And of all who watched the show, everyone agrees on one thing - Anakin Skywalker's fall was incredibly sad... as was the fall of the Gedis. But seeing how Anakin was tormented by his desire to do good, yet his impulse that was cruelly manipulated to deceive him into the Dark Side... I think there's always that same latent potential in all of us.

At the risk of over-spirtualizing things, I couldn't help it but be struck by how our own spiritual lives so often are the same. For all the good we strive to do, so any churches and so many leaders get it all wrong precisely because they tried too hard to be dilligent in pleasing God.

Ah well.

Gabriel just offered free tickets to watch the Phua Chu Kang musical, so yays!!!! Grins. $100 bucks tickets some more!!! Tee hee...

Gonna go buy yellow boots now...

Hehz...

No la.

But wouldn't it be so cool if I did???