Shit!!! I'm So Dead!!! I'm Like So Dead Can???

Grins.

Couple of people are now chuckling at my title.

Another attempt to hit the sack before 3am is aborted, and again I sit in front of the PC, tying to turn the turmoil up in my head into something more productive, and perhaps in the hope that if I can somehow materialise my jumbled reveries, I can lay them to rest up in my head, and have a literal peace of mind to drift off into slumber.

So many things in my head that I don't even know what to put down, or muse over.

• I turned down the offer from Singapre Power.
• Today I celebrated Gerald's birthday.
• Ate at Peach Garden. Good stuff.
• Watched As It Is In Heaven. Good enough for me. Some thoughts about it here and there.
• Gotta lead worship this sunday. Better prepare soon.
• Been feeling a little listless and lost lately. A handful have been asking if I'm alright. Dunno if I am, actually...
• Still waiting for offer from Reuters, YMCA, otherwise considering working or Joseph again.
• Still somehow hoping money will drop from the sky so I can be done with the financial cloud over my head.
• Need to register soon for UOL Exams. Need to send in my certs.
• Wonder how Weixiu and Kevin are gonna end up. (Grins)
• This sunday gonna be at Zhang Mu Shi's place again, so no run again. Better eat less this wk.
• Yet to pick songs for sister's wedding. Still attempting to write them. Failing miserably. Without a hint of a love life myself, mebbe I'm not really in the right frame of mind to write such songs. Everything comes out more lovelorn and depressed than celebrating love.
• Yes, a couple of conversations recently between close friends that we are indeed all lonely people, feeling it acutely, yet trying our best not to show it.
• We've yet to start anything for Levite Ministry. Still need to train Gabriel, and learn the new software.
• Must watch the Vatican exhibition man. Supposed to organise Levite Ministry.
• We need a new laptop. Mine's really not gonna make it much longer.
• Need to figure out what to do with my laptop.
• Think I really lost my portable harddisk. Drats. May the thief break both his arms carrying it ard.
• Need to borrow my reference books from NUS soon, and get them zapped.
• Library books. Reminds me. Need to ask Paul to settle the missing book. Eventually.
• Think I'm really struggling with my Econs. Did I make the right decision to do Management after all?
• Mom's retiring soon. She's serious abt the shop. But how to juggle work, studies and shop?
• After all these years, I still miss my dog. Want to get one, but scared to do so. Losing Brutus was too painful.
• My watch strap needs to be changed. But its so ex. Yet leaving it unchanged basically means I'm as good as throwing the watch away. So stupid.
• Sis is in France. Hope she's having fun. Wonder if she's found me a nice shirt for the wedding. =)
• Two new credit cards came in today. Amex Platinum and my OCBC renewal card. Damn. Need to curb spending instinct. Must... control... self...
• Noticed how the staff at Spinelli's today treated me so different from usual cos I was in very formal attire.
• Remembering a lotta comments made this morning on the Morning Express abt the proposed regulations to punsh those who cheat the public transport system. Singaporeans sometimes really amaze me.
• Man Utd has been playing real badly. Damn.
• My body still aches. Wonder how much worse my fitness is gonna get once I start work.
• Mom reminded me today abt NS. Dammit. Yes, I'm activated from the holding list for reservist duty anytime already. (Double damn)
• Need to pack my wardrobe very very very very soon. Dreading the task.
• Am finding it easier and easier to ignore my dad already. Not a good sign. Very soon we'll just end up very estranged. But he pisses me off everytime I talk to him. Sigh.
• Finally finished Larry Crabb's book. Very interesting. Am quite happy with it. Am thinking of a lot of pple that wanna recommend the book to.
• Need to check up on Marbella stuff for sis.
• God is good! Was actually pretty broke, but out of nowhere a few pple started returning me money. Grins.

How's that for a sample of thoughts on my mind? Not to mention replaying the many conversations I've had with people throughout the day... from ten second sound bytes to the longer conversations, from frivolous topics to the heavier and more depressing ruminations. Throw some of the more private conversations and confidences a few have shared with me, and that I've also shared back, and its easy to see why I can't go to sleep.

If only I could surgically implant a switch to switch my brainwaves to 'sleep' mode, and get someone to switch it back in the morning.

Mebbe this is exactly what the Bible's talking abt when we're told to not worry abt tomorrow, since it is of absolutely no help. But dammit, I just dunno how to snap out of it.

The evening has been nice and cool. Been indulging in my Valen Hsu songs, feeding my lonely depression. Yet despite all the gloom that ought to have slowed me down, I find myself ironically free associating thoughts, and at an increasing pace.

&%%^%$##*&*(&^!!!!!!!!