Easter Finally Dawns...

So just what have I learnt this season of lent?

Lots of little lessons here and there, peppered across the different days and different meditation materials that I was using. 2 books that I inadvertently eventually picked up to re-read over the 40 days was “A Tale Of Three Kings” and “Shattered Dreams”. Very apt books to be reading, during a season where we meditate on the brokenness of God, leading up to the very breaking of His body on the cross.

I re-learnt the lesson that God is never where you expect Him to be, but He always shows up at the most unexpected of places. Over these 40 days I’ve had my fair share of struggles, of things I’ve had to deal with and things I’ve been asked to let go of. Naturally, I expected God to be near, and help me through it. Naturally, He seemed nowhere to be found. Don’t get me wrong, I still encountered Him lots during this season. But on the things that mattered the most, He inexplicably remained silent.

Re-reading Shattered Dreams again reminded me that the one who wishes to mature in the Christian walk must go through the darkest of valleys. I used to ask myself whether or not its possible for someone to have gone through the very normal pain and struggles everyone goes through – the loss of loved ones, breakups, disease… (all served in manageable doses, of course. For God never lets us suffer beyond what we can endure…) and yet be able to have an extraordinary walk with God. And no, I don’t think that’s possible. David’s trials and tribulations under Saul is legendary. The weight on Moses’ shoulders as he led his people into 40 years of wandering must have been hard. Say nothing of Jesus’ work on the cross, or Apostle Paul’s persecutions… and I‘m convinced that it really isn’t easy to earn Jesus’ accolade “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”

I remember one day talking to Henry abt the faith some of the Christians in China has, and the scars they bear on their body as testimony to the depth of their belief in God… from people who lost their fingers to those who have been bodily mangled… all for the sake of clinging on to the faith they cherish and treasure above their own lives… and I find myself deeply humbled. Who am I to stand here and even think I am assured of my salvation, when I don’t even have a tenth of the faith they have? How would I stand up under such persecution, I asked myself. Chances are, ten out of ten times I would have been a Peter, and denied Christ.

So I guess that’s one lesson I will be forced to re-learn over and over, again and again, until I finally see why God puts me through the trials in my life. The sooner I let go of my own dreams, and learn to trust and desire God, and His dreams for me, the sooner I will be able to move on, and grow in my walk. Till then, as long as I continue to behave like a child who only wants the good I know about, I will always be a child, and be denied the better that God has in store for me.

And each time I deny His plans for my life, I wonder… if He feels the nails all over again...