Good Morning!!!! (Check The Posting Time)

It’s a really funny trait I have… that after every episode of euphoria that I experience, I inevitably sink into a state of melancholia. Maybe its because I realize I don’t have that special someone to share that joy with. Maybe its because I don’t think I deserve to be that happy. Maybe its because my instinct is to always prefer misery over joy. Or perhaps its simply because I quickly find that euphoria to be meaningless, and I realize I’m again back where I started in my quest to find a joy with substance.

And so it was for me tonight again, after watching Barcelona claw back from a goal down to finally claim the Champions League trophy, and after all the excitement from watching it at a friend’s place, I find myself soon enough driving away from there with all the excitement evaporating away fast. The emotional vacuum left behind by that really somehow got to me, and I somehow steered my way to Sembawang Park, by the sea… just to take a moment. I just didn’t feel like going home.

I always wonder that when Sinatra sang “My Way”, was it honesty, showmanship or bravado that made him declare “Regrets – I’ve had a few. But oh, too few to mention”. I was just reminded during the match that at the end of the day, it’s the winner who takes it all. The nice guy still finishes last. I walk off the face of the earth as a really good guy, but I still walked off it the way I came into it – by myself. All my ideals and the standards I set down for myself mean nothing at all if my life remains as inconsequential as it does now. In short, if I had lived a life as a cheap bastard who took to petty gains and indulged in selfish intents, there might have been a lot more to write of my life experience than what are on the pages of my life so far.

Maybe too many things around me recently made me again remember what I had lost, and made me wonder if it can ever be recovered. Maybe watching the last episode EVER of The West Wing has made me a tad too emotional and nostalgic tonight. Maybe I’m feeling really sad.

Or maybe I’m just really sad.

Grins.

Ah well.

I guess the most important thing to know is that Barcelona beat Arsenal 2-1.

Hehz…