Blah blah blah...

Been a few days since my birthday now. The cell was really nice in throwing me a surprise birthday tea on sunday after cell grp. I actually enjoyed this year's birthday, away from all the fanfare of the past, where I get to celebrate with those whom I'm close to, and I get to avoid all the other wishes of those who only msg me once a year.

I thought the worship on sunday went really well. Xianghui screwed up the first song with his really wierd synchopation, but I guess it all turned out well. Really glad and thankful for him too, the fact that he volunteered to play for Youth Service the minute he comes back to Singapore... I've missed him so much.

But you know, right after all the euphoria of my birthday, been having really depressing and depressed friends all around me. From Paul who PMS-ed on me a couple of nights ago, to Ruth and her manic-depression, until Anne talking abt her failed marriage and her struggles as a single mom with a 6-yr old kid. Geez, talk about a reality check man...

So what is there to really look forward to in life? The christian is always called to suffer... that much I know, and can accept. But is the christian called to perpetual depression? The alternative being either a filter through which we deny the tangibility of our pain and so tell ourselves we can give thanks in all circumstances, or else the blatant blindness we see in so many people who have been holed up in their myopia and so deny the existence of such pain. I'll always Adelina's outburst so many years ago, when I told her I was really taken aback by her drastic about-turn from an earnest christian to a firm agnostic now. She burst out about how there was absolutely nothing tangible to hold on to, for a hope and an assurance that God is real and that He cares... in the face of her most difficult moments its really hard to expect a set of concepts and notions to come through for her.

So is it sheer denial when some people seem to find genuine joy and contentment, when my mom and dad have warned me since I was a kid to "trust no one"? Why is it that some people can still find that hope and trust in people, and not get burnt? Luck? Those who don't get burnt stay that way, while others fall into the category of pple whom I see ard me, depressed or cynical... and sometimes both...

*shrug*

Started to icq again lately... been catching up with lotsa pple, such as Weilong, Stanley, Huifen, Huilin... guess icq is like a momentum thing... lose it and you don't feel like picking it up again. But if you do, you'll keep at it for a while. I only picked it up cos it was cheaper to chat with Ruth that way than via sms. So I guess I've got her to thank for making me pick it up again. After all, this will soon be the way I talk to everyone back here in S'pore, once I go over. Might be good to make sure they're still contactable by the old icq number they used to have.

Its been raining a lot lately!!! Whoopee!! SO happy... hehz... I lurve rain... rain... rain... rain... rain... rain...