My Life Sucks

Was just talking to someone abouut her 'unrequited crush'. Hehz... Well, not exactly talk la. But yeah, we were touching on the topic. I'm supposing almost everyone has had their unrequited crushes, their little little pool of "could-have-been"s, of people whom they've desperately liked and harboured feelings for, which they at the same time knew could probably never ever be reciprocated.

Sucks.

Yeah. And I'm not talking abt those play-play ones, like Michelle Chia or even Jean. I'm talking abt those whom you've gotten to know very well, or at least reasonably well, but because you know things aren't possible between you two, you close up that part of yourself and inevitably end up closing off your whole self and let the friendship slide into something almost superficial.

I've just had a conversation of sorts with the cell via yahoogroups, where we were all talking abt opening up ourselves and risk getting hurt. And I was just telling them I feel like I'm the only Romantic left, who doesn't see any meaning in living a life so well protected that it almost seems unlived. And then the whole cell wrongly reads me to have claimed to be the only one who knows how to be romantic. Sigh.

But yeah, being a Romantic means that I'd much prefer the pain of suffering unrequited crushes, rather than a heart willing to feel anything only on the condition that it will be reciprocated. And so, to my friend whom I was talking to... yes, I know the pain of longing, that coupled with the sense and frustration of helplessness can really sometimes drive one to the brink of insanity... of living one day in that state of turmoil, then going through a week where the malady seems to have left, only to have it return when least expected - only stronger and more intense. Worst still, one has to act so sane on the outside, in front of everyone, especially when facing up to The One. But I guess that's what stops me from living a life that's devoid of any feelings or meaning.

And no, I'm not talking about Paul...

Hehz...

The week's been pretty busy even though I'm still jobless. Ironed out the rest of the Levite Ministry presentation only for the Core Group meeting agenda to be hijacked by Zhang Mu Shi who wanted to talk about another issue. Sigh. Ah well. At least we cleared that up. Next project to start on REAL soon will be the praise and worship for May.

Still feeling pissed at my dad for not letting me drive. Wondering how I can still drive despite what he said... like mebbe ways to drive him up the wall... hehz...

Man Utd just drew with 10 men Crystal Palace, to end off a really crappy week. Sigh. The Dr Jekyl & Mr Hyde displays of them this season somehow seems doubly apt in light of my emotions in recent weeks. Sigh.

One minute high, one minute low.

One minute up, one minute down.

Ah well. On a side note, I keep reaching new lows in my life - I just signed up for membership with Lanlab Online. Yes, I'm now a bona-fide Lan gamer hardcore who for want of something else to do with his time, has chosen to deal with the pain with hours of mindless violence, trying desperately to eeke out a sense of achievement in another plane when the plane of reality seems to offer no hope of ever being able to offer redemption, or at least distract myself from that painful truth.

Playing for service tmr. And I dun even know the chords. Think I'm in deep trouble man.

Hehz...

Someone's blog title for the day was "A Beautiful Morning".

Read mine.