Essentials

I was just whining to my friend just now abt the lack of ‘opportunities’ in church, and even within the Christian field as I continue to wait and look for that special girl to arrive. And so I told him that there have been days when I would seriously consider a non-Christian. He listened very sympathetically to me… then he basically gave me a real tongue lashing.

Hehz.

Ah well. I was asking for it, I guess. Only just this season of Lent I’ve been learning abt the many compromises that I made with my life, and how I need to move away from that. Yet on one of the most impt decisions in life that I’ll ever make, I can’t seem to ever commit myself to doing what’s right. So there my friend was, lambasting me abt how when we stop honoring God with our decisions, we can’t expect God to honor and bless ours…

Shit.

BGR can be such a mess sometimes. But as my “other anonymous” said before, it also is the one thing that most easily makes you hope… which sort of distorts our decision-making process, causing us to come to a bad decision.

I’ve started re-reading The Mystery of Marriage, because I realize that after so much talk lately abt Fiona, I’m getting very confused all over again abt the boundaries and the expectations that I had set down for myself abt a relationship. And actually, that turned out to be a really good decision. Cos it had a really therapeutic effect on me, helping me to calm down again, and see things from a more clinical perspective. It reminded me of a higher ideal that I had determined to set for myself and my future partner, and how much I wanted God to be a key factor in the relationship. (Actually, Henry and Bernice have really set a pretty high benchmark for me to follow oredi… Grins.)

Hehz… I remember a time when I was a little giddy over Jean, and how I struggled to not justify away the fact that she’s a non-believer. I think there were more than a handful of pple ard me whom while on one hand were teasing me abt her, would have prob scolded me if I had been more serious abt asking her out. But on my part there was a real struggle against the temptation to just give it a try la.

Mm… This season of Lent has been really powerful for me. From my rather apathetic spiritual state at the start of it, till we’re somewhere midway through it, the past few sermons have really resounded pretty deeply in my mind and heart. Today’s meditations is on disappointing God, and what it must have felt to Jesus after Peter denied him 3 times. Right on the heels of a rather bitter disappointment myself, I guess it becomes a very powerful lesson for me. Often times I fancied myself rather like a Peter, always the first to stand up for Christ eagerly, very rashly and brashly declaring an absolute and unwavering faith in him… only to betray and deny Him the very next instance.

Of course, the most difficult part is to keep remembering that, and not slip again.

Jean’s birthday is tmr, by the way.

Grins.

Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrgggghhhhh…

I love this song from Avalon. First stanza talks abt how “I could carry on” in the absence of things that matter, and the second stanza talks abt the opposite situation when I have everything… and they contrast it with a decision in the chorus of how carrying on or indulging in excesses would be absolutely meaningless if God wasn’t in the equation.

Simple enough idea, but profoundly poignant in my heart.

Can’t Live A Day
I could live life alone
And never fill the longings of my heart
The healing warmth of someone's arms
And I could live without dreams
And never know the thrill of what could be
With every star so far and out of reach
I could live without many things
And I could carry on, but...

I couldn't face my life tomorrow
Without Your hope in my heart I know
I can't live a day without You
Lord, there's no night and there's no morning
Without Your loving arms to hold me
You're the heartbeat of all I do
I can't live a day without You

I could travel the world
See all the wonders beautiful and new
They'd only make me think of You
And I could have all life offers
Riches that were far beyond compare
To grant my every wish without a care
Oh, I could do anything, oh yes
But if You weren't in it all...

Oh, Jesus, I live because You live
You're like the air I breathe
Oh, Jesus, I have because You give
You're everything to me