For Better Or Worse

I watched The Contsant Gardener tonight. After that I took a drive down to Sembawang Park, with a few things running through my mind. I had a really peaceful hour to myself, before some people fishing there turned rowdy and a fight erupted right before my eyes. Right there, less than 10 metres away from where I sat. So much for peace and tranquility.

The movie was great. With all the recent attention given to pharmaceutical companies and their drugs, its little wonder someone made a film abt these drug companies. I still remember way back in an episode of The West Wing, they also raised an issue such as this. Aside from the obvious issues of exploitation, of how needy the third-world countries are, of the realities of politics in reaching out to them, I was left wondering abt the couple who were central to the story. The husband suspected his wife was committing adultery, and what started out as a journey of discovery ended as a quest for redemption, as he sought to redeem himself for having failed his wife in doubting her.

I started thinking back to the many many families I hear abt, of husbands and wives who committed adultery, some even serial adultery. And I wonder if its ever possible to forgive. In my last post, I mentioned how I would find it almost impossible to forgive someone who turned out to have violated a core principle/value in my life. At best I would be able to repair the friendship to a point that we could even be chummy. But a chasm would have developed, that would not close up. More than one have said to me before that they would not be able to tolerate it if their partner ever fails them.

And yet, that is the one thing a marriage can’t afford to do. A friend, no matter how close, remains an outsider. That’s why there is a distinction between “family” and “friends”. Up to the point that you start your own family, they remain the most fundamental element in your life. When you do marry, that family is said to have expanded. You don’t switch allegiance. And so what happens when a family member has betrayed you?

“For better or for worse”, so the vows claim. So every couple vow. And yet it seems like too much to ask of anyone to be able to stare a stab to the heart right in the face, and absolutely forgive such a blatant betrayal. And maybe that’s why Christ often compares the relationship between Him and the Church as that of a marriage. Why God would use Hosea to tell Israel that they have been an adulterous people. To a world full of hurting people, of people who have been betrayed and let down, who have been disappointed by someone they once trusted… these people who’ve been through the valley of pain would come to see the magnitude of love that God shows to them.

I suppose so much more is expected from a marriage than a friendship, and so what is unforgivable between friends must always be forgiven in a marriage.

Perhaps that’s one more in a long line of reasons why I don’t dare to love again. Because much would again be asked of me, that I’m scared to give again. Because it costs too much to not play it safe.

Each time I give a little more of my heart only to have it shattered, the emptiness that remains grows a little bigger. And so like the wuss that I’ve long become, I reversed the roles and continue to wait to be rescued from my captivity by the girl.

She.