I always meant this PostSecret postcard to be abt my unrequited affections. Yet all of a sudden its been lent a voice by a few in my life, and their own struggles with relationships. How poignant it must be, therefore, to know that such a struggle is a universal one. While in no way helping to make things better, one can hope that at least it makes one feel better, in the knowledge that it is a feeling that is shared by many out there.
"You will never love me the way that I love you".
11 words, that betray a personal hurt so deep, that, when it finally comes out of one's lips, has the power to injure the person that it was directed at.
I asked myself - would I prefer to be in the shoes of the one who loves more, or in the shoes of the one who is loved more - and I guess there was no doubt abt it... I'd choose to be the one who loves more everytime.
Maybe its cos I'm weak... It can be so much easier to give than to receive... giving puts me in the better light, in the better position... opening up about my struggles and admitting I shd do better would leave me in the more vulnerable position, and put pressure on me to do something about it.
Or maybe it really is the right thing to do... if love is abt putting the other above self, shouldn't both our mindsets be abt trying to out-do each other, to love each other more? Love, in a sense, shd be a competition!! Both parties always on the look-out for a way to go one-up over the other, in expressing their affections, and their self-sacrifice. Naturally, it should arise out of an instinctive desire to benefit the other person, and not out of a competitive streak or the desire to "perform" for the other to see.
But here is where I can understand the struggles of those who are going through the pain that the 11 words express... For all I talk abt wanting to be the one who gives and loves more... I can't do it. Haunted by the scars of a broken relationship that failed because I uttered those 11 words... I find myself paralysed by fear when told to fight for someone whom I love. I hide behind the rationale that love is a two-way thing, and if I need to fight and compete - it shows that it was one-sided to begin with... and I'm too scared to ever go down that path again.
I guess for some of us, relationships will be the cross we bear everyday... everyday a reminder that just as we utter these 11 words while thinking abt the one we love... so God gave His life for us in full knowledge of the same... that we will never love Him the way that He loves us. And it will be His example that compels us, and strengthens us, to love - the way that love is meant to be.
7 comments:
"Why do you love her?"
"Well, Diana is wonderful, I mean she is a goddess! But her? You don't understand. She knew them all, and we are talking about the greats...She could have picked any one of them. But she chose to look only at me. She believed in me, and had eyes only for me..."
abridged and amended
The Other Anonymous
I think those words spoken by anybody else apart from God, is a subconscious statement of pride.
Although it read otherwise, it's implicit message and one which I think most people will see, is saying "You will never love me AS MUCH AS I love you", as Vanion has demonstrated.
I don't believe most people can love another person in the exact same way. All of us are different somewhat, some show their love through everyday ways and things. Some are too shy to show it but you can count on them putting their life on the line for you.
But to compare quantity would be quite difficult and in some ways I feel blasphemous of love. Love is not proud, competition implies a certain pride. Comparison is a means to make ourselves greater than the other, esp if we feel we have been hurt by the other person.
Perhaps we can count love quantitatively by comparing how much X has done for Y and how much Y has done for X. But is it a fair means? What if X did little compared to Y but whatever he did was more than what he has (or willing) for anybody else? And what If Y does a lot more for X in comparison, but is just only a bit more than what she would do for good friends. Can we now truly say Y loves X more?
I too would like to assuage my pain by thinking I love her more than she loved me, evidence by this and that. But that would just be an excuse, a cover up for my own pain.
So love, and don't compare, in deeming oneself greater in love, one instead pales and make a sham of it.
- AnonX
Love or dun love; that it all. No more, no less. What is love? C.S. Lewis say there are 5 types. Recent drama serials also shed some clue. Good stories also shed clues. Finally I believe, one day, God-willing, we will all know.
(PS: quote was taken out of context and badly (perhaps) abridged by yours truly, try not to be too critical of it k)
Other Anonymous
Fwah... so many responses ah? I guess its true also, that love was never meant to be compared. But one must acknowledge that there is a certain degree of empiricalism to it.
Our ability to love can be described as mature or immature, selfish or selfless, foolish or wise... etc.
In saying those 11 words, I wasn't putting myself myself on a pedestal, merely expressing a sentiment. After all, one who is in love inevitably craves for that love to be reciprocated. Instead of those words expresing superiority, it expresses hunger.
And yes, my dear Other Annon, I recognize Coelho. Wasn't too long ago that I read it, actually. Grins.
Well I did not agree with all of Coelho actually. And yes the ending was 'duh' , much like many arty farty books if I may ahahhahahaah.
Just finished a series that was just as 'duh'.
Good stories, not easy to find ... at all.
AnonX,
that shows we are human. The imperfection.
Earthly and human love is bound to disappoint and is fleeting. I hope you do a better job than Vanion then.
---------------------------
As Lent retreats, let us remember the greater Love.
C
C
I have no doubts about doing a better job than Vanion... not :D
Perhaps the reason why I wrote so many lines is because of my own struggle not to cry out in protest that "you will never love me the way I love you" to Someone.
Nobody's perfect and I definitely have no delusions of being so. :D
- AnonX
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