My Prayer for 2005...

And so another year has passed, and I step into 2005. No fanfare, no great anticipation, and with hardly a hint that anything has changed, I stepped into yet another year. 2004 has hardly been a good year for me by any stretch of the imagination, and pretty much not so for the world.

I guess with every eye and ear trained on the Tsunami tragedy that hit 9 Asian countries, I could hardly get away with no mention of it on my blog. With the death toll at the current count hitting almost 130,000, its hard to even picture the destruction that took place. It makes 9/11 look like a picnic, esp since the ultimate death toll there was barely 0.1% of the figure here, and we are nowhere near the final estimate of the total number who lost their lives. I guess at a time when I mourn my personal tragedy of a life hardly lived, focusing so much on my failures, hurts and disappointments, the tsunami has served as a graphic reminder to me of a bigger picture that exists in the world, where I am truly amongst the very blessed.

Its really hard to recall what has passed in this year, since everything seems all meshed together as "the past", and I was never one who was good with dates. Yeah, both in terms of calendar, and with girls. But it really struck me over the New Yr as I was reflecting... that I never seem to be able to recall the high points, but always remain mirred in the lower points of my life. This chronic ungratefulness seems to unceasingly pervade my thoughts all year round.

So if there ever was a resolution that I ought to make in the coming year, it would be that I need to learn to give thanks. Not the perfucctory action of giving thanks "in spite of" that every christian has been trained to do unthinkingly, but the ability to really see God's silver lining on every dark cloud, that my thanks are never tinged with all the fatalism that I always muster, but will always be one that is immersed in the hope that God is indeed still somehow holding me in His grace.

Hopefully, this year wil find me better off in love and life also. I realised I really am very picky when it comes to a girl. Unlike my gay partner, I at least seem to somehow have been able to muster up enough courage, (by defalut of not having the balls to do what he did,) and not settled for my ex. Yet the unfortunate thing is that for a person who always clings to the past, and always longs for what I have grown accustomed to, its always a really big challenge to move on. I just got scolded by Serene and Weixiu tonight for being so picky, something that Jin Liang recetly took me to task for also. Yet I have come to appreciate the almost sacredness of a relationship, that I know I would always cheapen if I ever took the short route.

So another resolution this yr is to indeed learn to give thanks... for all the people that are in my life... for which I have been truly blessed with more than a fair number. To give thanks for them, and learn to content myself with the fellowship and love they offer... and stop hankering for something more that is not mine to ask, nor mine to covet.

Today I just attended the ceremony of that officially launches our new church - Providence Presbyterian Church. ORPC Mandarin Congregation ceases to exist as of yesterday, and this indeed marks a really different milestone in the church's pilgrimage. Chen Mu Shi retired yesterday, and so again the polemic emotions that inevitably goes hand in hand with each other is what greets the whole congregation as we today herald our new church moderator, Liu Mu Shi. After that we had a really long meeting at Bernice's place, to discuss the futrue of the youth ministry... but I keep having the thought that we shd have done this 3 yrs ago. But I guess we just need to ploughh on now with what we have, and trust that His grace will indeed be sufficient for us, and that in our weaknesses, he will always show His strength whenever we show our availability.

Make My Life A Prayer To You
Make my life a prayer to You
I wanna do what You want me to
No empty words and no white lies
No token prayers, no compromise
I wanna shine the light You gave
Through Your Son
You sent to save us
From ourselves and our despair
It comforts me to know You’re really there

I wanna thank You now
For being patient with me
Oh it's so hard to see
When my eyes are on me
I guess I'll have to trust
And just believe what You say
You’re coming again
Coming to take me away

I wanna die and let You give
Your life to me so I might live
And share the hope You gave to me
The love that's set me free
I wanna tell the world out there
You’re not some fable or fairy tale
That I've made up inside my head
You're God the Son
You've risen from the dead