*bleah*

That was in effect what Paul had to say to me in his blog, on top of calling me white - when I mentioned that I found him a little dark. First of all, he got it wrong. The opposite of dark is light... which of course, would be wrong, given how heavy I am. So wait... mebbe he DID get it right after all. Hehz... Secondly, if that was all he did, it would be the least of my worries.

I just spent 4 hours at Ubi Traffic Police HQ, bailing him out after he was caught driving without a seatbelt - and also without a license. I guess I can't chastise him for needing a good slap, since I pretty much screwed up my own life too. On the one hand its a pretty serious offence, yet on the other there is also a lot of room for clemency, which I believe he will get. At least, that's what I'll be praying from today till his sentencing...

I swear my life was a lot easier before I went into Uni. People were a lot easier, things were a lot clearer. Were they? I mean, without my being aware of what's going on (people sleeping around, rogue deacons and pastors *grins*, suicides... etc), these things still happen, don't they? I can't figure out if its a good or bad thing to know all this, actually. Like I've said before, I find that one of my greatest weakness is that I'm invariably drawn to social politics. And since knowledge is power, the more dirt I have on someone, the more I'm able to dictate how I want to swing things my way. Yet the knowledge of just how ugly someone else's life can be usually just all the more clouds how ugly my own life and thoughts are... leaving me to focus on the speck in the eyes of those around me, while paying no heed to my own increasing blindness.

These days leading up to Valentines' has been a week of self-bashing, where I chastise myelf for being so self-centred. How dare I feel sorry for myself that I don't have a date, when this is probably the least of my problems? I talk to so many of my friends, many of whom broke up about the same time as me, and who are now happily involved in the life of another, and I'm so happy for them, listening and even helping them in their prep... then I go home and realise that this will be the first time in 4 yrs that I'm probably going home for dinner on Valentines' Day. Guess anything anyone can say to that - I would have told myself, and more. Yet this is a time when words fall flat, and I just have to go through the experience. Hehz... mebbe I shd get Andrew Wang and myself to go out on a double date with Pamela and Sue-Ann. Grins. Noooooooo!!!!! Help!!!!! I'm mad!!!!!!!!!

Oh well.

But I DID spend Monday night with them at Black Angus. Grins. Even got a watch from Eric, which I actually really like... hehz... we really had a lot of fun catching up, and also reliving the whole wedding. Oh, the phtos were great. I think Hilarion really did an amazing job. I dunno why, but I was genuinely happy that night. I guess seeing Eric and Mel really together now, and seeing how despite all that went through their heads just prior to the wedding, that they look a lot more settled now - I'm so happy for them. It also gives me a renewed sense of hope that mebbe relationships are like that - you plough through your doubts, and if you can remain committed to what you've pledged, you'll eventually reap what you've sown. Maybe I can believe and bring myself to love once again.

Of course, asking a girl out would be a different thing. Mebbe I shd really start praying now, that the right girl would ask me out... hehz... so that mebbe after 20 yrs of faithful and pathetic prayer, God might show mercy, and I can get married before I'm 50.

*slaps myself*
*again*
*again*

Shit. I'm actually awake.