Ended 3 days of talk on the book of Revelations in ORPC today. Allan Chapple, a guy from Australia was the main speaker. I guess... its a really difficult book to speak about when you don't want to add your own interpretations, so it turned out that not too many people found him particularly spectacular. Paul didn't even bother to come on the third day. Grins.

Learnt today just how much more blatantly Grace's fellowship is becoming an anti-Bingxun fellowship. They actually told Weimin to stay off me, and stop associating with me. You know, my first reaction was actually one of rage, at how low they can get. And I was really sorry she had to be one of those put into such a position. Never once have I spoken out against the fellowship, yet they paint a picture that if she were to be close to me, she cannot be loyal to her fellowship. Of course, I'd naturally point the finger to Andrew, and his negative propaganda against me. So I guess he'd naturally associate anything negative that's against him as having come from me.

As much as I always feel that politics suck, I find that to be my greatest weakness. I'm always fixated by the play of power in any circle, and so naturally the church circle - closest to my heart, would naturally become what I obsess over. I tell myself to cease and desist from such thoughts, and focus on what the apostle Paul exhorts:

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." - Phil 4:8

Yet I find that the seed of bitternes in me is one that refuses to go away. Whenever I feel wronged, I immediately find my thoughts turning to how I can play it back to my favour. On days like these it's the scariest, cos I can actually convince myself that what I do is not wrong, but that there is a right to be wronged, an injustice to be corrected, and a brother or sister in need of chatisement and proper correction. And so I try to picture myself playing God, and when I decide not to play, the resentment quietly festers away.

Of course, when I sit down and really think hard about it after I've cooled down, I find that I've done everything that they're doing now, and so I am also really not in a position to say much. I guess ultimately its again that same lesson I've been trying to learn for the past 12 years - that its not about other people, but its all about the state of my own heart.