Thursday, February 12, 2004

I've got it!

Here I have been all this while moping over my pending lonesome Valentines' Day, when suddenly I know what I'll do!! I'll... stay home and feel sorry for all the other losers out there without a date too!!! Grins.

*Stabs myself*

You know, I'm actually pretty worried for Paul. Don't think he's in a very good shape currently. Yes, Paul, I know you're reading this. Grins. Not trying to score brownie points. Can't help it if you want to intrude into my private thoughts here. Muahaha... Ah well... you know how certain things that are said and done at the wrong time are just really cheesy and tacky? I fugured the "wrong time" would apply to how certain gestures and thoughts are pretty extravagant and excessive under normal circumstances, so when used in those conditions render whatever is done to be inappropriate. That being said, it stands to reason that under very special circumstances, certain words would shed the tacky tag and actually be appropriate words for an appropriate occasion. So the following song's for you, buddy mine...

Here For You
So you think you've got it all figured out
Well you know you can't make it alone
Everybody needs somebody to help them out
And you know I could be that someone

And if you ever get lost on life's highway
Don't know where to go
There's just one thing that I want you to know

I am here for you, always here for you
When you need a shoulder to cry on
Someone to rely on, I am here for you


So you think that love is long overdue
Tired of looking for someone to care
Let me tell you now the choice is up to you
But you know I will always be there

I am here for you, always here for you
When you're needin' someone to hold you
Remember I told you, I am here for you
I am here for you


So now you've got it all figured out
And you know you've found someone that cares
And if you ever need somebody to help you out
Well you know I will always be there

And if you ever get lost on life's highway
Don't know where to go
There's just one thing that I want you to know


Err... yeah. I'm praying for you. Hang in there, we can all look back in 20 yrs' time and laugh at what happened 20 yrs ago. IF we're both still alive then. Grins.

Doing my QT this morning, and again the question of how to make my life count surfaced in the material I was using. Guess God's not gonna let me walk out of Ministry Matters ignoring what He said... Was doing a lot of thinking after that, and... I dunno. There are days when I feel I need to change my whole manner of life, and the way I engage people. The way I live, in apparent frivolity, is hardly a good testament in front of people who don't know me well. So I guess if I ever want to change my life, that would be a good place to start. But I wonder how freaked out people would be if I suddenly became my sister. Hahaha... Not to mention how the restrain would probably kill me after 2 days. Imagine - no bad jokes, no slacking around, trying my darned best to be serious in front of everyone... man, I'd kill myself. (Gee, I had no idea how boring my sister was... Hehz...)

Still, I guess there's a line to draw between the intentional frivolity I display in front of people, and the more serious aspect of the callousness with which I sometimes treat my own life. I mean, a lot of times I play the role of a clown cos it lowers expectations of me, thus making life as easy as possible for me. Always being the resident funny guy also means very few people see the hurt and pain I'm experiencing, thus ensuring I don't need to open myself up to people. And if I don't live my life seriously, then it doesn't matter as much when I screw up my life since people already think I'm an idiot. And in due time, I guess the whole act gets to me and I find I can't help but be a clown, that I've lost control of my own life.

So Lord - how do I make my life count? I guess I just have to start by taking responsibility for my own life once again... Responsibility's a pretty big word for me. It was one of those things I never did learn. Maybe after 25 yrs, its finally time to start learning.

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