I guess with so much that can go wrong in a person's life, there's actually a lot for me and Paul to give thanks for, even in our current position. I think I'm a little like Dr Cox in SCRUBS. I'm always an optimist inside, but I can't help being cynical on the outside, and never really letting anyone into his own private world. Seems that only JD, Carla and Jordan actually know what Cox is like deep down inside. Now, JD, on the other hand, probably comes closer to who I'd like to be, someone who can't help being a geek, but is able to live with it and be pretty darned transparent.

Obviously, I've been watching SCRUBS again... hehz... one of the few joys in my life, seeing a group of people inside a hospital be such good friends, and hearing of their own insights into life. I sometimes catch myself in between the worlds of THE WEST WING and SCRUBS. The world of an adult, and the world of an adolescent. I would probably admit that most of my angst and depression is probably imaginary, and that actually there is nothing wrong with my life. Its an adolescent phase that I need to grow out of. If I could just grow out of my pimply days and recognize that at 25, I need to live differently, think differently, and actually just be a lot different from the way I live now. Goofing around every now and then is one thing, but it really ought to be a "once in a while thing" instead of an "all the time" event. Yet like how Dr Cox hides behind his gruff facade, so I find myself having great difficulty evolving into a different person. To sit still and keep quiet. To not say anything really stupid. To take my own life more seriously. To basically learn to be a serious person.

Bloody Paul was remarking that I shd first stop imitating his writing, and secondly today that I need a girl. Sigh... Am I? Do I? Actually, all I need now is to just strike lottery. Muahahaha... and guess what - he needs to do so too. Grins. A girl? I dunno... when I write this I'm always alone and feeling real lonely. Mebbe that's why. But shit man, I better not be stuck with Paul in 20 yr's time. I'l definitely need a girl by then. And mebbe someday, I shd write my blog in chinese, and see how far he can read what I write. Hahaha...

Have worship rehearsal tonight, so this weekened I need to move from pseudo holiness (Fri - rehersal) to manic depressive (sat - Valentines'), to being right before God (sun - worship). Whoo hoo! Bring it on, baby!!